She smiled weakly. "Hi, James."
James stood there motionless as he studied the woman standing in front of him. She wore her usual baggy sweatpants and a plain white loose shirt with her hair tied in a messy bun. Her face had this tortured aura about it which her smile failed to mask and her eyes were red and puffy. It is evident that he had just disrupted a major cry-fest. She looked like she could use a month's worth of sleep. He felt so bad for her that he wanted to pull her in for a tight hug.
"Have a seat. Can I get you anything?" She said, making her way towards the kitchen.
"No, thank you. I just had late lunch with Jenn actually."
Idina made her way to the kitchen anyway.
"Water? Juice? Something." She said, going through the motion of looking at the contents of the fridge when she's actually just making an excuse to gather herself together. After a few months of not seeing him, he still has that same effect on her. Get your shit together Idina! She mentally kicked herself.
"Water, I guess." James said as he sat on the couch.
She handed the glass of water to him then sat on the other end of the couch, putting her knees up with her chin resting on top of them. She averted looking at him by staring at her feet.
"Dee, I'm sorry about... I saw it on the news." James said, skirting around stating the obvious but failing miserably.
Idina looked up at him and smiled bitterly. Those sparkly green eyes that used to look back at him are gone. The ones looking back at him now seemed distant, preoccupied.
"Don't be. Besides, it's been a long time coming, I guess." Idina shrugged.
"D.C. got nothing to do with it?" James pressed on.
"God, no! Nobody knows about D.C., James. " Idina exclaimed. "You said you wanted to talk, so do. Except my failed marriage, it's not up for discussion right now."
James drank some water from the glass she gave him then placed it down on the table.
"Well, we haven't really talked about what happened. I reached out to you but you just won't give me the time of day. I just wanna make sure that we're okay. I just don't think it's a good idea for us to have a strained relationship while working together."
"I'm sorry. It's not like I haven't dealt with a lot of stuff ever since that day." Idina said tartly.
"But you had time to talk to Jenn." James retorted. "You sent me a message that was supposed to be for her. So, I know you had time to spare. Apparently, just not for me."
Idina picked on her nails as she figured out what to tell him. Well, how about the truth?
"Alright, I'm sorry. I just had to deal with a lot of shit and adding you into the mix is just going to push me over the edge, you know what I mean?"
"I..." James suddenly lost his train of thought, finally realizing that she doesn't really owe him any explanation whatsoever since they're not exactly in a relationship. Factor in the separation and he felt like he was being such a jerk for pushing her.
"Anyway, since we're talking about D.C now, here's the thing: what happened was a momentary lapse in judgment, okay? We were drunk, horny and caught up in a moment. Since there's no way we can undo what's been done, can we just forget about it and stop acting like it's such a big deal? It was just sex, for fuck's sake!" Idina raised her voice a bit.
James was affronted. He treasured those moments yet here she is telling him off that it was nothing more than sex.
"First of all, it happened twice so 'moments'."
Idina rolled her eyes at him. "Grammar nazi, are we?"
"Second, it was more than just sex for me." James said softly.
"Can you not give me that bullshit? YOU ARE MARRIED AND WITH CHILD and when that happened, so was I!" Idina was so consumed with conflicting emotions, her eyes welled with tears.
"Now, I have a failed marriage to boot and a married man to deal with?! Great!" It was just too much for her. Idina burst into tears.
James closed the gap between them. He pulled her up so that she is sitting on his lap, guiding her head to rest on his shoulder.
"Shhh, I'm sorry. I'm going to drop that for now. Just stop crying, please?" James said as he ran his hand over her hair and kissed her temple. "Hush now."
She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried hard instead. She clawed at the skin on his back, hanging on to him for strength.
James let her pour her heart out until her loud sobs turn to sniffle. He can't remember how long they stayed that way but somehow they found comfort in silence.
She grew quiet then her arm hung limp on his shoulder. He realized she must have fallen asleep. She must be drained emotionally and physically.
James got up and carried her up to her bedroom then laid her on the bed. He was about to turn around and leave when she tugged at his hand. "Don't leave. Stay with me. Please." Idina said softly.
James felt a sudden burst of happiness. She needs me. She wants me to be there for her. He took his shoes off then snuggled up to her, her head resting on his chest.
She laced her legs with his and wrapped her arm around his waist.
James smiled.
"Stay with me, baby." She said softly as a tear rolled down from the corner of her eye.
That wiped the smile off his face. It hurt when he realized that she was just in a dreamy state when she asked him to stay.
But what hurts the most is realizing who she meant when she said "baby".
It doesn't get any more painful than that.
