Chapter One

                                    

                                          

Chapter One
                          
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Five Months Earlier
                          
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It was like this sometimes. 
                          
Zayn would decide that Harry actually meant something to him and he would stay. He wouldn't go out. He wouldn't inject the familiar euphoric feeling into his veins, he wouldn't let the alcohol fill his bloodstream in order to feel something. And it was these 'sometimes' that Harry treasured the most. It was these 'sometimes' that kept him there, enduring everything. Every knife that was thrown in his direction, never missing their target, his heart.
                          
Harry ran his fingers through the silky black hair that belonged to the man that lay beside him. The most beautiful man he had ever laid eyes on. Zayn hated that, being called 'beautiful', but there was no other word that Harry felt could describe him more accurately. Zayn was beautiful. He watched Zayn as he slept. Watched as his chest slowly rose and fell, his eyelashes clumped up together to form two thick, black crescents resting on his sharp cheekbones. Zayn's mouth was slightly parted, his gentle breathing was the only sound filling the otherwise quiet room. This was Harry's favourite part of these 'sometimes', watching Zayn sleep, because it gave him the chance to properly memorise his features, mainly because he was never sure when he would next get to see them. 
                          
He looked so at peace, so calm...the complete opposite of what he looked like when he was awake. His face appeared to be relaxed, unlike the deep frown that was usually etched into it.
                          
Harry traced Zayn's light pink lips, missing the feeling of them pressed against his. Zayn hadn't kissed him in a while. At first he had brushed it off, not thinking much of it, but after several weeks, Harry started to worry that Zayn was starting to lose interest in him. Never in a million years would he have imagined that their once blossoming and blooming relationship would turn out like this. He never would have imagined that all the roses they had planted would die. They were so in love. 
                          
Harry knew he wasn't much. He couldn't give much, he didn't have much. He wasn't as gorgeous as Zayn was, but then no one was. He was tall and awkward with a horrible sense of humour...but he could love. He could love and love and love until he couldn't anymore. And love Zayn he did, with all his heart and mind and body and soul and everything else he could muster. And he had thought Zayn felt the same way. Which is why he just couldn't understand why Zayn was acting like this? What had gone wrong? Was it him? Did he do something wrong? He just didn't know.
                          
But he wasn't going to focus on the negative things, he was going to focus on the strong arms that were holding him right now. He was going to breathe in his forest-fresh scent and memorise the golden-honey colour of his eyes and the slope of his nose and dusty pink lips. The thought that, despite everything, this amazing man was his. It helped a bit with his insecurity. Just a bit.
                          
Harry smiled thinking about it. He turned to face his beautiful boyfriend, once more. He stroked the smooth skin of his cheekbone, before Zayn began to stir in his sleep. After a few minutes, Zayn's eyes slowly opened and he cracked a smile. Harry almost melted looking at it and he realised it had been a while since he had seen Zayn smile. He almost frowned at the thought.
                          
"You know it's weird to watch someone sleep." Zayn said, his voice still a bit husky, having just woken up.
                          
Harry let a smile take over his face again, looking sheepishly up at his boyfriend. It was so rare to see this side of Zayn, even during the 'sometimes'.
                          
"Couldn't help it, you're just so irresistibly handsome." Harry said, teasingly. And then, because he couldn't help it, added quietly, "I love you."
                          
The smile vanished off of Zayn's face and his face suddenly hardened, his whole demeanour, changing. He shrugged Harry off of him, before getting out of the bed.
                          
"I need a fag." He said, before walking out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
                          
And just like that the moment was over and their special 'sometimes' was gone. He didn't even say 'I love you' back. Harry's eyes began to well up with tears, as he thought about what was happening to Zayn, because he honestly didn't know anymore. He just couldn't figure him out. He didn't know why he was acting out like this or what was bothering him, and it was killing Harry that he couldn't even help him. He didn't know how. Harry pulled the covers over his head, snuggling into his pillow, before crying himself to sleep.
                          
No, sometimes, every once in a while, he'll decide that Harry means something to him and he will allow Harry to be that something. 
                          
Just not for long.
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A/N: So I wasn't at all happy with the previous 'Chapter One' and I just felt like I needed to do this. I just felt like it wasn't just what I was going for. Like it didn't portray the characters, how I wanted to portray the characters or the story. It just wasn't heading in the right direction. So I did what any person would do if they weren't satisfied. I changed it. Hope you like it, though. I kinda do, well more than the other one. So yeah, imma stop talking now or typing (idk)...
                          
Well thanks for taking the time to read this and yeah. Bye.
                          
* this was edited again (I'm just never satisfied)*
                          
-Savannah :)