Part 6: He Loves Me (Asher Adams)

                                    

                                          
I took a sip of my fruit punch as I watched Asher and Lelia from across the backyard. They seemed to be quietly arguing with one another.
                          
"What do you think they're talking about?" I didn't need to turn to my left to know Jordan had suddenly joined me and stood next to me.
                          
"I have no clue," I answered honestly. I turned around and gave my back to Asher when his eyes flickered up and met mine. I saw some of my classmates in line in front of a food truck, waiting for a plate of Mac and Cheese. Truthfully, this isn't my scene. Big mansion parties were always too extra.  If it hadn't been for Jordan, I probably would have spent the rest of the day in my room watching Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.
                          
"Hey," Jordan cleared his throat. "Can I ask you about the other day?"
                          
I stayed quiet, unsure how to explain what happened without revealing the truth. Jordan and I had gotten so close the past couple of days. He's become a good friend and I didn't want to lie to him. Well, not necessarily lie, more like withholding the truth.
                          
"Here's what I think," Jordan started, "I think Asher came over the other day to try and fix things with you, but then he saw me. Judging by the death glares and silent treatment he's been giving me since then, he's assuming something happened between us..." Jordan trailed.
                          
I shook my head. "Before he told me why he came over, he asked me what happened. I told him the truth about how we stayed up all night talkin-"
                          
"Did you tell him I think Spencer might be my brother?" He asked anxiously.
                          
"No," I shook my head again. "I meant what I told you that night, Jordan. I promised I wouldn't tell anyone. You can trust me."
                          
A look of relief washed over his face before he nodded in thanks. "So, what happened then?"
                          
I looked at him as the memory replayed in my mind. 

                          
"Because I'm in love with you." Asher said as he looked directly into my eyes.
                          
"No, you're not," I said.
                          
"You don't know how I feel, Y/N, or how I'm feeling, and I'm telling you, I love-"
                          
"How am I supposed to believe you, Asher?" I asked before walking away from him and towards the living room. I felt Asher hot on my heels. He grabbed my arm and turned me around to face him. He sat down on the couch and pulled me down with him. He held my hand with both of his.
                          
"You're just supposed to."
                          
I shook my head. "I don't trust you anymore, Asher."
                          
"What? Why?" I didn't need to look in his eyes to know he was hurt as he spoke.
                          
"You say you love me-"
                          
"I do!"
                          
"Are you still will Lelia?"
                          
He stayed quiet.
                          
"And have you told her the truth about Olivia?"
                          
Again, silence.
                          
"Have you been or are in love with Olivia?"
                          
"No," he immediately answered. "I never felt that way about her. I just-" he took a deep breath and let it out. "It was just a drunken mistake. We both regret what happened that night."

                          
"Still, you're lying to your girlfriend, who everyone believes you love. Not only are you lying to her, but you also cheated on her with her best friend. So, tell me, Asher, how the hell am I supposed to trust you without ever thinking you'll cheat on me, lie to me, or pretend to love me when you don't?"
                          
"Y/N," he cupped my cheeks. I hadn't realized I was crying until he brushed my tears away with the pad of his thumbs. "You are different. You are my best friend. I can't explain how important you are to me and no one else matters, but you. Do you have any idea how much it's killing me that I've hurt you? Did you know I can't sleep? I worry about you, and I'm wondering how you're doing. I miss you telling me about your day. I'm not focusing in school and I'm messing up in practice ,because you haven't talked to me in days. I have never missed someone as much as I have been missing you lately. And... this is the first time I've been this close to you," he said as he leaned his forehead against mine. "And it's still not close enough..."
                          
His breath fanned against my lips as his voice turned into a whisper by the end of his confession. My heart was racing and I hated that he still had this kind of effect on me. I didn't want him to have this kind of power over me, at least not this way when everything is wrong.
                          
His thumb brushed my bottom lip. "I never thought about kissing you before until you told me you loved me..." he whispered. "And you have no idea how badly I want to kiss you right now."
                          
I shook my head. "I hate you," I whispered.
                          
"What?" He asked, even though I know he heard me.
                          
"I hate you," I repeated as I pulled back and looked at him with more tears in my eyes. "I love you, and I hate that I love you, Asher."
                          
Asher was quite as his hands left my cheeks. 
                          
"Why?" I asked. Asher looked at me confused. "Why now? Why did it take Lelia to tell you 'I love you' to realize you supposedly love me instead? Why couldn't you have known when we went to our freshman homecoming dance and had our first slow dance together? Why couldn't you have realized it when I first met Jordan and he told you he liked me, and you told him I was off limits? Why not at the same moment I realized I was in love with my best friend? Why didn't you love me back all those times?"  
                          
I finally let out the sob I had been holding back since the night Asher told me he had slept with Olivia. Since that night, I had kept everything inside and pushed my feelings away when they tried to escape. Now, after saying how I felt and asking all the questions I had, everything exploded. Sadness, hurt, and anger washed over me all at once, completely overwhelming me.
                          
"I'm so sorry," Asher's voice cracked. "I'm sorry it took me this long. I'm so sorry it took Lelia to tell me she loved me to realized I never loved her in the first place. I'm sorry you don't trust me anymore. I don't know how to fix this or how I can, but you have to believe me when I say I want to. I will do whatever it takes to get you to trust me again. I don't care how long it takes." Asher's eyes welled up with tears as he spoke. "I love you, Y/N, and only you. Please," he begged as tears rolled down his cheeks. 
                          
"I can't, Asher. I'm sorry."
                          
"Hey." Jordan's voice pulled me back to reality. My vision was blurry as tears filled my eyes. 
                          
He opened his mouth, no doubt about to ask if I was okay or what's wrong, but before he could, I said, "Asher told me he loves me."
                          
"Oh, damn."
                          
***
                          
A/N: Not a lot Asher in last night's episode so I kind of winged it with today's chapter. I hoped y'all liked it.
                          
Did y'all noticed Asher didn't tell Lelia he loves her... AGAIN?! It's fishy. 🧐
                          
Also, next week's episode looks intense!