photograph.

                                    

                                          
hey. i'm currently crying. but, why not use a chapter to vent? 
                          
Your POV
                          
I browsed for a good 20 minutes before giving up. Instead, I decided to tour the house. Why not right?
                          
I walked around the kitchen, the one i've seen plenty of times before. I let my fingers trace the table, then the counter, and then the cabinets. But something catches my eye. It's a piece of glass glistening in a dark corner by the trash can, that was sitting under the counter. I lean down and move the can over some, before finding more shattered glass and a frame. I pick up the frame, along with a few pieces of glass. 
                          
I gasped before dropping the items, while wiping blood off my finger. The curiosity took over, numbing my stinging finger. I went for the piece of paper underneath everything and turned it around. 
                          
There was a girl with blonde hair. She was smiling while Mark kissed her cheek. Behind them was a beautiful view from some type of balcony they were on. (no this pic isn't real. it's not the one where they sit on the balcony)
                          
The girl looked so familiar. Almost as if i knew her. I looked back down at the glass and realized another photo was beneath it. I moved the glass cautiously and grabbed the photo. I turned it around. 
                          
The same girl was snuggled into Marks shoulder. He beamed happily while he looked at her.
                          
My heart sunk.
                          
Mark looked so genuinely happy in those pictures. The way he looked at her was a way that i've never seen before. He looked so in love. His eyes glowed a way they never have. His smile shined brighter than it ever did toward me. 
                          
A million thoughts raced in my head. Why was the glass shattered? Did he break the pictures on purpose? I couldn't answer the questions. I didn't know the answers i wanted. I sighed, tracing his face with my thumb.
                          
"He really did love you Amy."
                          
Tears burned the corners of my eyes, and i didn't fight them back. They fell down at a rapid pace, getting the picture wet. I didn't want to ruin it so i sat it down and curled up beneath the counter. 
                          
My breath was shaky and i sniffled a lot. Was i jealous? No. i always loved Amy. She was amazing. I was just as much of a fan to her as i was to Mark. But..i can't look at Mark the same anymore. I can't look at him and think "He's my hero. I'm a fan." No. I look at him now thinking i'm in love with him. But i'm not. Am I? I'm just in love with what my imagination made him to be. He's hurting. I know it. 
                          
A switch flicked in him. He doesn't smile or look the same way as he did in those photos. He doesn't laugh the same way he did when he was in videos with Amy. He hurt too. I knew it. Maybe i was wrong. Maybe the hurt i saw in his eyes the first day i met him was about Amy.
                          
But..why would he kiss me? That only made me more upset. It doesn't make sense. 
                          
Unless..
                          
Unless I'm a rebound. I don't want to believe in my heart that Mark would ever put someone in that position. But who am i kidding? I don't know him. And i don't know what he would do when he's heartbroken. 
                          
Rebound or not, friend or not, i should be there for him. If he's hurt then i should let him know it's okay. And if his way of escaping the pain is through a rebound, then so be it. I would rather bare all the pain in the world than see him hurt.
                          
So yes. If he wants to use me, i'll let him. It will crush my heart and soul. But, it will help him. And his happiness means more to me than anything. 
                          
I wiped my eyes to clear my vision, picking up the photos again. She looked so happy. She looked peaceful. I wonder why they broke up..is she hurting too?
                          
Amy looked at Mark like he was her whole world. She smiled and laughed like she really meant it.
                          
At least, that's what it looked like in her and his videos. I could be wrong. I could be right. At this point i don't care. I've made so many assumptions and gotten so hurt for nothing. 
                          
I shouldn't be hurting over things that don't exist. It's like i was 9 again. I was afraid of the dark. I thought a monster was in my closet. Cliche..but true. One day, i realized there was nothing to be afraid of. 
                          
Maybe one day i'll let go. Today isn't that day. 
                          
I sighed.
                          
"Maybe one day i'll be able to stop loving you Mark. But today isn't that day...is it?"
                          
what even was this chapter?? anyway, that was my vent. writing makes me feel better. maybe i'll write more tonight. let's hope i sleep though. bye my lovely's!