16. Party's over

                                    

                                          
High Hopes - Kodaline

                          
      Riley had made a mistake. As soon as she entered, she felt as though she was  intruding on their intimate moment. Lucas and Amber were conversing softly, he stood eclipsing over her petite frame.  A bull being reprimanded for all the damaged he's done for being a bull.   Lucas stiffened, nearly pulling back at something Amber said - a streak of Mad dog lashing out. Riley made her way towards them, but Amber surprised them both by gruffly pulling his collar and matching his intensity. 

                          
     Then she let out a whistle, familiarization washed over his shock at being manhandle. Breaking  into a small chuckle, her hands went back to smoothing his cheeks. It was an inside joke they shared when they were kids.  Amber knew a different Lucas before he became a city slicker brawn knight or Mad dog. To her, he was still the little cowboy that followed her through an endless adventure.  Sensitive kid that had a soft spot for the animals - was the easiest to be picked on. 

                          
    Lucas had noticed Riley standing a few feet away. Taking it as a sign to approach, Riley awkwardly continued her way to the duo.  Amber noticed her caution and shot her an encouraging smile. Realizing her hands were still on his face, she dropped it. Riley caught what Amber missed: a drop of reassurance from Lucas. 

                          
Lucas adjusted his weight between each leg and scratched the back of his head.  Praying for words to fall through. 
                          
       "Lets get a breather?" He finally said while Amber gave her a side hug, leaving the room to find the stairway.  A part of Riley wished Amber didn't leave her alone with Lucas as she watched her join the rest of their Texan friends at the party. Striding down the stairs  she saw that Lucas had waited for her at the bottom of the steps with his hands on his head.   When she had gotten close to him, she heard him wheeze. 
                          
   "I'm trying, Riley. I really am." 
                          
"Trying for?"
                          
"I'm trying not to hate you, but " He said leaving the rest of the sentence hanging. Throwing down his hands, she saw a brief flash of anger that ebbed away to pain. "You weren't there to hold her - when they told her that she wasn't enough. You didn't have to be plastered on tabloids with speculations of each person she had come into contact with. She was afraid, Riley. She was afraid of people using her and not seeing who she really was."
                          
Riley knew it wasn't the time and place, yet she couldn't help but feel jealous. Jealous of how he got to be there and get closer than she had ever through the years they weren't together. How he could touch Maya  and take some of her darkness. The brunette let him throw his pain at her, he needed an out. What was her defense but loving Maya from faraway? Did she deserve her love as much as he did?  Fuck this line of thinking, Riley thought. There is no time as the present with it to be wasted on regret or guilt. 

                          
They're still alive now, they can make it better. 

                          
They just need time, communication and space.
                          
Riley internally sighed. Having a weak disposition will do nobody good.

                          
    Without showing any reaction from Riley, Lucas continued.
                          
"Maya had days where she was a zombie. She escaped giving her time and effort through all those dances and tours. I took her out and held her hand in public, those times I thought the lights in her eyes would finally be able to overshadow yours. I was wrong, I knew when you texted because it wouldn't compare how she looked at the screen to now." He exhaled loudly as if expelling out the toxic, then drew in his breath slowly like it pained him.
                          
"When she wanted to come back here, I already knew I lost her completely."
                          
     "Are you done?" She asked tilting her head, curious and a little offended he jerked his head for affirmation.  Riley went down a few steps and sat next to him. She rested her head on his shoulder.