Chapter 4

                                    

                                          

Chapter 4 Marcus's Plan
                          
The next day Suzie took Marcus home and left him while she went to get Fiona from the hospital. He was just tidying the
kitchen, as Suzie had told him to do, when he saw a note on the kitchen table. He picked it up and sat down.
                          
Dear Marcus,
A big part of me knows that I'm doing a wrong, stupid, selfish, unkind thing. But unfortunately that's not the part that has control of me now.
None of this is about you. I've loved being your mum, always, although I've found it difficult sometimes. And I don't know why it isn't enough for me, but it isn't. I just feel very tired, and there doesn't seem to be anything to look forward to.
Things will be better for you than they were before. Really. You can go to your dad's, or Suzie has always said she'd look after you. Love you, Mum
Marcus was still sitting at the kitchen table when his mum came back from the hospital with Suzie and Megan. She could see immediately what he'd found.
                          
'I'm sorry, Marcus. I'd forgotten about the note.'
'You forgot? You forgot you wrote a letter about killing yourself?'
'Well, I didn't think I'd ever have to remember it, did I?' She laughed at that. She actually laughed. That was his mother. When she wasn't crying at breakfast, she was laughing about killing herself.
'It was stupid of me to leave Marcus here before I went to get you,' said Suzie. 'I wasn't thinking.'
'Suzie, none of this is your fault. But maybe Marcus and I ought to have a little talk alone.'
'Of course,' said Suzie. She gave Marcus a kiss. 'She's fine,' she whispered, loud enough for his mum to hear. 'Don't worry about her.'
When Suzie had gone, Fiona made tea and sat down at the table with Marcus
                          
Are you angry with me?' 'What do you think?' 'Because of the letter?' 'Because of the letter, because of what you did, everything.' 'I can understand that. I don't feel the same as I did on Saturday, if that's any help.'
'So your problems have all just gone away?' 'No, but ... at the moment I feel better.' 'At the moment's no good to me,' said Marcus. 'I can see that you're better at the moment. You've just made tea.
But what happens when I go back to school? I can't be here to watch you all the time.'
'No, I know. But we've got to look after each other.'
Marcus was no longer interested in what his mum said; the important thing was what she did, or what she was going to do. She wasn't going to try and kill herself again today. She'd drink her tea, and tonight they'd watch TV, and it would feel like the beginning of a different, better time. But that time wouldn't last for ever. Marcus knew that, for him, things would never be the same again.
Two people in a family weren't enough. He'd always thought that two was a good number, and that he'd hate to live in a family of three or four or five. But now he could see that if there were lots of people in a family, and one of them died, you wouldn't be left on your own. But how could he make his family grow? He was going to have to find a way.
                          
Will kept thinking about Marcus and Fiona. There wasn't much else happening in his life, so he had a lot of time to think about them. He had a strange thought: perhaps he should try and help them. He telephoned Suzie.
'I was wondering how Marcus and Fiona are,' he said.
                          
'Not too bad, I think. She hasn't gone back to work, but Marcus went to school today.'
'Listen, do you think there's any way I could help? Perhaps I
could take Marcus out?'
'Would you like to?' said Suzie. 'I could ask Fiona.'
'Thanks,' said Will. 'And it would be nice to see you and Megan again soon.'
'Yes,' said Suzie. 'I'm looking forward to meeting Ned.'
Will bought Time Out, a magazine with information about events in London. He was looking for something that a twelve- year-old boy might like to do on a Saturday. He tried to remember what he liked doing at Marcus's age, but he couldn't. Then the telephone rang. 'Hi, Will. It's Marcus.' 'Hi, Marcus.'
'Suzie said you want to take me out for the day on Saturday. I'll come if my mum can come too.' 'What?'