His name was Cas.

                                    

                                          
"Good evening, Dean. How are you feeling today?" The nurse asked. Her name was Macie, and she was a nice girl, but I was too depressed to talk to her. I haven't spoke a word since I got here. It was mad, I hated it. 
                          
3 times a day, nurses would come in with my tablets. They have to make sure I take them and it's honestly the worst thing ever. And before dinner, Macie would come and collect me and take me to this support group thing. 
                          
It was alright. I mean, the people seemed friendly. I really wanted to speak to them. But I just kept thinking 'what if they're not real?' We would sit around and people would talk about what was wrong with them, when they were bought in here and how much progress they've made. I was proud of these guys. All of them have all been through a lot and they seemed so calm and happy and they treated everyone so nicely. 
                          
Anyway. It was tome to for support group. Macie held the door open for me and walked me to the small room which it was held in. I sat in my normal seat on my own and listened to the same stuff as yesterday and the day before and the day before. But honestly, I kinda got it. They would refuse to let go of the past and they would always hang on to things that would drive them insane. 
                          
After the usual people had told their stories, the man that ran the club (John), asked if anyone else wanted to share their stories. Silence. 
                          
"No one?" John asked, looking around the circle of people. "Anyone?" 
                          
I slowly stood up. 
                          
"Ah. We've got someone." John said, and he was smiling at me. I sort of smiled back. I looked around at all of the people in the group and they all looked so shocked. I don't blame them though. I haven't said anything since I got here, and they've never seen me smile, they've only seen me cry. "Tell us a bit about yourself." John said. I stood still for a second and then began with a shaky voice. 
                          
"Hi, uh, my name's Winchester. Dean Winchester. And I'm 24 years old." 
                          
"Hi Dean." The group said as the would normally do to someone else, but they sounded my lively and pumped than they usually do. 
                          
"And uh, do you have a story you'd like to share with us?" John asked and then mouthed 'it's okay' as he noticed me shaking. 
                          
"Yeah. It's kind of crazy though." 
                          
"That doesn't matter." Some guy from across the circle called out. I think his name was Gabriel, I'm not sure. "I mean, we're all crazy here dude. It's okay." He earned a lot of smiles and a few nods. 
                          
"Well, uhm, hate me if you want, but, I'm uh, I'm gay." No one flinched. I thought being gay was something I should be ashamed about. I'm glad it's not. "And I recently lost my boyfriend to an overdose on drugs." 
                          
"I'm sorry Dean." John said. "If you wanted, could you tell us about him? You don't have to." 
                          
"No it's fine. I'm okay with that. There are some things I don't want to say so I'm not going to, but I'm okay with talking about this." I paused for a second and looked around the room. It was full of notice and display boards. There was a mood board opposite me aswell and it made you focus on the posotive things. 
                          
"His name was Cas. Well, his real name was Castiel Novak, but Cas is nicer. And he was my world. I know that our relationship wasn't exactly the easiest and the few years that we were together did have their ups and downs, but man, did that boy make me happy? Every single birthday meal he cooked me, every single christmas playlist he would make because I'm a sucker for christmas, every single time he made us breakfast in bed made me fall in love with him harder than ever before. Just being in the same room with him you would know that he was an amazing person. His laugh would make people happy and he was always so grateful for everything and he was never judgemental or anything like that. He was perfect. And everyone knew that I loved him to bits. When it's just me and him and we're joking round, having a laugh and he does that cute little smile that makes my heart do that flippy over thing, there's no one else in the world I wanted to be with. And yeah, sure I hated him a lot of the time, my love for him was miles greater than any hate I have for anyone. And although he's gone, I know he's keeping his promise." My voice was all croaky and I was stumbling on my words. "You see, he promised to make the sun rise for me everyday. And look! Look outside. It's there. The sun rose this morning and you can all thank Cas for that. Because without him, I'd be nothing and the world would be a different place and things would never be right, and we wouldn't know the difference between wrong and right and night and day. He was what was good with the world, and I promise, you guys would have loved him. Thinking back, I hate myself for hating him. His intentions were good, he never meant to hurt me, he loved me and he was just the most dreamy man ever. He was gorgeous. You'd never get sick of just staring at him and admiring his beauty. And the day I stop loving him will be the day the world stops turning. And I miss him. I miss him a lot. I miss the lazy Sundays, the scary movies on a Friday night, the milkshake bar at 6pm every Wednesday, the funny texts we would send when we were sat in the same room. God, I love him. I'm so lucky to love him, guys. I love him so much. And that's the story of how much I love Cas. Thank you for listening I suppose." I sat back down in my seat and looked around. The majority of them were crying, including John and the nurse stood at the door. 
                          
"You really loved him, ay?" Adam, the guy next to Gabriel, asked. 
                          
"I really loved him, and I still do." I said. 
                          
"That was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. Cas was so lucky to have you." Jo said. It was weird how I've never spoken to these people before, but I know all of their names. 
                          
"Thank you heh." I said, smiling at the ground and sniffing whilst I cried. 
                          
"No seriously Dean. That was amazing." And then she stood up and began clapping. And after about 5 seconds, a few other people stood up and joined in. Eventually, everyone was stood up clapping. I was smiling so much, and this was the first time I'd been happy in a long time. The girl sat next to me was called Ellen. She had curly brown hair and was basically the mother of this group, everyone loved her. She started speaking to me. 
                          
"You took a big step today Dean. We're hugely proud of you." And then group was over. Everyone finished clapping and they were walked back to their rooms to have dinner. 
                          
I ate my first whole meal, spoke my first words and actually smiled today. Things were imrpoving. 
                          
Well. 
                          
At least I thought they were.