part 62

                                    

                                          
[dont play song yet]
                          
i smiled at joey, "i hate looking in your eyes"
                          
he furrowed his eyebrows and laughed, "why?" 
                          
"because i always get lost in them" i laugh, "that sounds so corny i'm sorry" 
                          
he smiled, "it's not, because i get lost in yours to" he lifted my chin and kissed me 
                          
he pulled away and we both were eye to eye
                          
 "wow" 
                          
i turn around and saw soph, she furrowed her eyebrows at me, "really tori" she scoffed 
                          
fuck 
                          
she walked away, i follow behind her, "soph please" i try catching up to her, she got to her car. 
                          
"let me explain" i grab her arm 
                          
"what tori, explain what" she was tearing 
                          
"i'm so sorry sophia" i wipe my tear, "why didn't you just tell me" she argued 
                          
"because you said how you hate when your friends like joey" i yell 
                          
she pushed me, "how could you," she stomped her leg 
                          
my heart was racing, it was just me and soph, we were both crying, "just tell me, how could you" 
                          
"i'm so sorry soph" i walk up to her 
                          
"don't come near me" 
                          
"soph" i sigh 
                          
"just tell me you fucking, ugh" she yelled again 
                          
"because i'm fucking in love with him, okay" i yell "and i was scared"
                          
emotions running through my head, that was the first time ever saying i'm in love with joey. 
                          
"i hate you so much tori" she opened her car door, "the fact you did all that behind my back" 
                          
she walked closer to me, "were you guys always together, even in north carolina? please tell me you weren't" 
                          
i look her in the eyes, and take a deep breath 
                          
she scoffed and walk in her car, "soph" i cry, she rolled her eyes at me and drove off
                          
i sit on the sidewalk, and cried, i'm such a bad person, she was my best friend and i did all this behind her back, with her brother 
                          
i heard footsteps, felt a arm wrap around me, i knew it was joey because of how gentle his touch was. he sat down next to me and ran his hand through his hair
                          
"come here" he pulled me in for a hug 
                          
"joey i didn't want any of this to happen" i cry 
                          
"i know baby" he sighed 
                          
 
                          
ring ring ring 
                          
i roll over on my bed and check my phone, 8:45am
                          
i put my phone away, i pull my blanket over my head, i'm such a fuck up 
                          
i'm going to talk to her, but she doesn't wake up until 10. i got out of my bed and walked in the kitchen, i open the fridge and all i had was vanilla candy.
                          
i close my fridge and sit on the couch, i look out the window playing with my hair, anxiety taking over my body again 
                          
my heart racing, the temperature getting hot, i lay down and look at the ceiling, what do i tell her 
                          
i hate you tori 
                          
i felt a tear, i wipe it right away, she freaking hates me, she actually hates me, i run my hand through my hair and think 
                          
i texted jack to come over and help me, in less then 5 minutes the door bell rang
                          
i got off the couch and opened the door, "hey" he smiled 
                          
"hey" i open the door wider 
                          
he walked inside and looked down at me, i close the door and hugged him, he hugged me back, i cried in his chest, "tori, everything will work out" he whispered 
                          
"she told me she hates me" i cry 
                          
"she probably didn't mean it" 
                          
"no, she meant it" i pull out the hug, "did you try going to her house and talking about it" he asked 
                          
i walk to the couch, "no, not yet" i sit down 
                          
"you should just tell her from the very beginning, what happened" he said 
                          
"that's a lot tho, it'll just hurt her even more" i bite my finger nail 
                          
"yea but she deserves to know doesn't she?" 
                          
i look down, "yea" 
                          
i look at the clock, 10:45am
                          
i take a deep breath and got off the couch, "i'm going to go now" i sigh 
                          
"want me to come with you?" he asked, "no i think it's better if i go by myself" 
                          
he nodded and left my house, i walk in my room and changed out my pjs into something casual 
                          
i slip on my shoes and took a vanilla tootsie roll , i sat in my car and started eating it, gosh these are so good 
                          
[play now, read slowly]
i threw away my wrapper and turned on the radio, maybe some music would make me feel slightly better
                          
i turn the music a little louder and stopped at a red light, i saw a couple passing by, how great
                          
my leg starts shaking, i was nervous, my heart was about to jump out my chest, i turned on the air conditioning and took a deep breath 
                          
i'm about to tell sophia everything, from the beginning even if she is going to hate me even more, she deserves to know the truth
                          
the light turned green and i drove off again, i turn into there street and parked my car
                          
i look at there house, everything will be okay, hopefully sophia will understand. now i'm just hoping sophia isn't home and joey is, so i can hug him and cry in his shoulder 
                          
look in his deep eyes, have his skin against mine, but sophia's my best friend, i don't know what to do
                          
i got out my car and start walking to the door, there door opened and lexi came walking out with a smile on her face, she was pant less wearing a long shirt 
                          
she looked at me, and walked towards me, "your man is so good in bed" she smirked and walked away
                          
my heart racing again, my fingers carving in my palm, tears running down my face, i scoff. 
                          
i turn around to look for lexi again, but she was gone.
                          
i walk back in the car and drove back home, my foot pressing against the pedal with full force 
                          
i didn't know what to think, was this actually happening, my heart racing again, i parked the car and ran home.
                          
my anxiety wasn't letting me breath, i felt pressure on my chest, like someone was pushing on my chest. 
                          
i run my hand through my hair and cried, i wipe my tear, i walk to my room and slammed my door
                          
i walk to my table and opened my drawer, i look at my razors, don't do it, i look at them, then close my drawer
                          
i'm not gonna hurt myself again, no, i'm not doing this anymore 
                          
i cant do this anymore, why couldn't i just die the first time, why do i have to go through all this pain 
                          
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what do you predict is going to happen next? pls tell me
                          
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