nineteen;

                                    

                                          
This chapter has a tw for self harm. 
                          
Chapter 19 
                          
It seemed like hours before I fell asleep again. Karlie left and reluctantly went back to the guest room after Taylor convinced her we'd be fine. Taylor tried everything to get me to go to sleep again, she sang softly to me, she played with my hair, rubbed my back; it was close to four a.m. when I finally drifted off.  
                          
The nightmares I had between then and waking up weren't nearly as bad as the one from earlier. But they still didn't stop, which meant I didn't sleep all that much. I lied to Taylor when she asked if I slept though, I've already caused her enough worry. 
                          
It was after 11 before I dragged myself out of bed. Taylor was already awake and dressed, I don't know how she does it, because I know she can't have gotten much more sleep than I did. I thought Karlie would have gone home, but when I went into the kitchen, she was sitting at the bench with Taylor. 
                          
"Hi baby." Taylor got off the stool and wrapped me in a hug. I stayed in the embrace as long as I could, my head on her warm chest. She was the one to eventually pull away, however she kept a hand on my cheek. 
                          
"Babe, I got a call this morning and my meeting has been moved to today. I gotta go out for a few hours, alright? But, Karlie's going to stay with you." I felt my lip quiver and my eyes well up, 
                          
"Hey, hey, don't cry. I won't be gone long, probably just until tonight, okay?" Karlie got up from her seat and placed a hand on my back. 
                          
"Chloe, its okay. I'll be here, we can watch movies or we can go out, anything." I shook my head, 
                          
"I wanna stay with you." I looked up at Taylor, the tears in my eyes spilling out. She wiped them away,
                          
"Chlo, I know this is the worst time I could have to do this, and I'm sorry. But I have to go babe, you'll be okay, I'll see you tonight." She started to leave and I started to feel worse. Its so stupid, normal fifteen year olds don't cry because their parent is leaving them. Normal fifteen year olds also don't have nightmares all the time. Normal fifteen year olds aren't like me.
                          
I turned into Karlie's waiting arms, she was even taller than Taylor, my head didn't even reach her chest properly. 
                          
"I want Tay-lor." I stuttered, she shushed me softly and ran her hand through my tangled hair. 
                          
I cried for a long time. So long that I couldn't really remember what was making me cry. Taylor leaving for a few hours seemed like a stupid reason, and so did what happened last night. 
                          
Karlie had carried my tiny frame over to the couch and held me just like Taylor does. But it wasn't the same. I wanted Taylor. 
                          
"Chloe, how're you feeling honey?" Karlie asked, probably sick of having to sit with me. I shrugged. 
                          
"I want Taylor." I grumbled. 
                          
"I know." She sighed and rubbed my shoulder. 
                          
"Why don't we do something to take your mind off it, huh? What do you like to do?" I shrugged again. I wasn't in the mood for any 'let's distract you' bullshit. 
                          
"Come on, surely there's something!"
                          
"There's nothing Karlie. I'm going to my room." I know what I said was harsh, but after last night all I wanted was to be with Taylor. Maybe she is like everyone else, maybe I should never have told her. 
                          
I slammed my door shut and made sure to lock it, hearing Karlie not too far behind me. I know I had only done it last night, but I needed it, more than ever. If Taylor wasn't going to be there for me, I knew what would be. 
                          
I found where I left it, in the bathroom under the sink. It's cold metal soothing me instantly as I listened to Karlie bang on my bedroom door and beg me to open up. I don't know why she cant leave me alone, for all she knows, I'm just taking some time for myself. I don't see the big deal in that. 
                          
Part of me wants to go forth and just do it on my wrists, its easy there. Its where I started when I was young and naïve. But, I know its smarter to use my stomach or thighs, somewhere that can be hidden much better. 
                          
Before I knew it I had pressed down on my left wrist, blood starting to pool against my hand. 
                          
"No, no, no!" I whispered, panicked. I was on autopilot, I just needed the release, and that was the most accessible spot. Stupid girl, so fucking stupid!.
                          
I grabbed the toilet paper and pressed it to the decent sized cut on my forearm. It refused to stop bleeding, and I was becoming more and more panicked. Thankfully, Karlie had stopped knocking and seemed to have gotten the idea that I wanted to be alone. 
                          
I didn't want to start crying, but as I slid down the vanity I couldn't help the tears that formed in my blue eyes. I hugged my knees to my chest, not caring that blood was now everywhere. I thought everything would be better once I was with Taylor. I thought this pain would go away. 
                          
But instead, Taylor is somehow getting under the walls I had built around myself. I had pushed all this so deep, and somehow she's dug all the way down and is pulling each secret out, one by one. 
                          
I picked up the blade again, this time concentrating hard as I pulled it across the skin on my thighs, carefully avoiding the red hot wounds from the night before. 
                          
"Chloe, I'm worried about you. Taylor told me where the spare key was, so I'm coming in." I heard Karlie state as she started unlocking my door. My eyes widened in panic as I quickly shut my bathroom door so I could work out what to do.
                          
"Chloe? Are you in the bathroom?" Karlie's voice got higher the more anxious she got, I have no idea why she was so worried that she'd have to bother Taylor at work. 
                          
"Uh, yeah, I am. I'm just uh... taking a shower." I slipped and dropped the blade on the floor, the metal clanging against the tile. 
                          
"What was that?" 
                          
"Nothing!" 
                          
"Chloe, I swear to god, you open this door right now or I'm going to call Taylor to come home."
                          
"Why?! I'm just going to take a shower. Nothing is wrong Karlie!" It was then that I realised I didn't lock the door of the bathroom. Before I could stop it, she opened the door, my bloodied mess on display. 

                          
______________________________
okay, I've had writers block these last few days, so I hope I did okay?! 
What do we think is going to happen next? 
In case you forgot, Karlie already knew about Chloe's self harm (Taylor told her quite a few chapters back), which is why she was so worried when Chloe locked herself in her room!