27. confessions

                                    

                                          
UPCOMING CHAPTERS:
28. u with me?
29. the renaissance
30. im with u. (finale)
-
what do you wear to a funeral?
                          
zaniyah wore a broken heart. 
glizzy and malani wore looks of guilt. 
jay wore a look of anger. 
flacka wore a look of grief. 
anthony & kayla looks of sadness. 
nick wouldn't allow his face to be seen. 
aaliyah wasn't even there, which confirmed to all of us what we didn't want to imagine- she did it. 
                          
tay's funeral was my first and sadly i knew it wouldn't be my last. 
                          
it was pouring that day, the skies were crying for him. there was a cool breeze in the air. 
                          
tay's family wasn't all that religious, so the ceremony was short. 
                          
the whole time, zaniyah and tay's mom were sobbing hysterically. 
                          
when they lowered the casket into the ground, jay had to pull zaniyah back because we genuinely thought she was gonna jump. 
                          
after, we all stayed there for a few moments, trying to understand our reality. 
                          
i notice nick walked to his car, got in, and closed the door. too bad his windows were tinted. 
                          
i wanted to go after him, i really did. but at this point i was scared he would yell at me again.
                          
i was comforting malani when i noticed zaniyah walking towards us. i panicked. i thought she was going to tell malani off and cause a whole scene. but in fact, she did the opposite. 
                          
"i'm sorry for blaming tay's death on you. it was completely irrational and i was just trying to look for something that would make me feel better. i'm sorry" said zaniyah
                          
malani nodded and they hugged. then, they walked over to glizzy so that zaniyah could apologize. 
                          
i looked around me and i realized i was surrounded by sadness. i doubted  tay would've wanted his funeral to look like this. 
                          
i wanted to go, i really did. but i had to be there to support my friends. 
                          
as i looked around and around, i saw nick in  his car. his windows were rolled down so we were making eye contact. suddenly, he signaled for me to "come here."
                          
in shock, i pointed at myself and mouthed "me?"
                          
he rolled his eyes and mouthed "yes you". 
                          
curiously, i walked over to where his car was and got into the passenger seat. 
                          
i noticed his eyes were puffy from crying. 
                          
before i could open my mouth to speak, he said
"listen kiari, i'm gonna pour my heart out to you right now, i'm gonna tell you the truth. don't interrupt me"
                          
i nodded
                          
"they took one of my best friends at 17, and it made me realize how short life can be, so i had to tell you this. you are literally the perfect girl, you're all i want. we didn't not work out because of you, it was because of me. i've never been as close to someone as i was with you and it scared me. i don't know what true love is or whatever and i was scared that i would ruin this-us. that's why i became more distant. i still cared about you. that day in the car, i regret that shit so much. i only said that stuff to try to get you to stop liking me, while at the same time i kept loving you. it may sound stupid to you but it makes sense to me in my fucked up mind. when i saw you at that party, there was nothing more that i wanted than to go up to you and kiss you, but then i saw you walk away with jacob and that shit broke me. it broke me even more when i seen y'all at the hospital. that was supposed to be me hugging you from behind. although i was angry at you for moving on so fast, i was also angry at myself for letting you go. i'm sorry for screaming at you last week in the hospital, i was still angry. but now i'm here, i'm ready to be the best man i can be for you."
                          
i was in utter shock. i didn't know what to say or what to do. do i wanna be with him? can i trust him?
                          
"i only talked to jacob because i thought you forgot about me" was all i could say
                          
his eyebrows raised. "damn, you really thought i'd just forget about you like that?" 
                          
"by the way you treated me at the party and the way you were living on social media, yes"
"well now do you understand why i did it?"
"sort of. how can i trust you won't do it again?"
                          
he sighed. "because, i learned the consequences of doing it the first time, i don't want to ever experience life without you again. shit was painful"
                          
that made me smile, which made him smile too. that was the first time i've seen him smile in months. 
                          
"so will you be my girlfriend, kiari?"
-
sorry guys it took me so long to update, school was really a trip this past week.