4.4

                                    

                                          
4.4
[donghyuck point of view]
—
                          
unread messages messages from:
mOrk: hey how are yo...
                          
18 dudes is a hot tub: this is gc is jus...
                          
lelephin: donghyuck, don't ingore...
                          
—
                          
i sigh and throw my phone on the bed next to me. i can't read them, not yet. they don't even like me. 
                          
they just talk to me because they feel bad for me. i don't blame them. i have problems, it's annoying for them to be friends with me. 
                          
i wouldn't be friends with myself. 
                          
i shouldn't have sent that text. i was bored so i just searched a random number on the internet. i chuckle, why was that number on the internet. 
                          
the boy i texted was weird, but in a good way. i felt comfortable with him. even when i knew that we share the same friends. i really liked talking to him. 
                          
maybe a little too much for just friends. 
                          
but i didn't know that. of course i didn't. 
                          
when mark said that he wanted to meet up, my heart made a little jump. because i was excited, that's what i told myself at that moment.
                          
i still remember the first time i saw him. the cafe music playing in the background. 
                          
he was chewing on the strings of his hoodie, what is disgusting. 
                          
a little smile finds it's way on my face. 
                          
he was cute. his black hair looked so fluffy and he had a little awkward smile. he stutters when he first spoke and i found it adorable. 
                          
i almost squealed in front of him, but he didn't, because if he did he would look like a complete weirdo. 
                          
mark is beautiful. that's what he first thought when he saw the boy. it would be nice if he was ugly, then i could tease him, in a friendly way. but he was the complete opposite of ugly. 
                          
he remembered when his mom called. he cried so much and my heart broke seeing him sad. i didn't know what to do, since we met for the first time. 
                          
so i just ended up wiping his tears away and hugging him. you know when you have the last piece of a puzzle, and it fits perfectly and you get all happy because you finished the puzzle. 
                          
that's how i felt, two puzzle pieces, fitting perfectly. i remember how cold i felt when he let go of me. 
                          
i know how i told him about my dad. he reacted so sweet and was worried about me. it felt good. he told me to leave him, but i don't know if i can. 
                          
i can't stay anywhere. i shake my head. i actually can stay somewhere. taeyong said i could stay with him. 
                          
i turn around and stand up. i grab the bag who lay under my bed. i place it on my lap and open it slowly. 
                          
i can do it, i can just walk away and be free from this hell. but i'm worried about my dad. will he be okay? maybe he will be able to pick up his life when i'm gone, just like he said. 
                          
he doesn't love me, he said that multiple times. why stay here when i'm not loved? 
                          
why stay here when i can be loved somewhere else? 
                          
suddenly i understand. i like mark. every time i ask myself the question, mark pops up in my mind. i know why my heart beats fast when i'm with him. 
                          
it's because i like him
                          
and i want to be with him more. 
                          
—
                          
[a/n]
i have another test today and i didn't study and now i'm so fucked. i'm so so fucked, why tf didn't i study, i omg, i'm so dumb i'm stressing out ajsksjsbbfsnco