fifteen

                                    

                                          
Olivia,
                          
The first time we tried our hand at the creation of life, we were on Cloud 9. The idea that if things went as planned, in nine months we would have our very own little Olivia or Harry to hold in our arms  seemed incredible, and our hearts were full of excitement. 
                          
"I hope the baby gets your curls," you laughed, pushing a strand of my hair behind my ear and we lay beneath the sheets, the heat still radiating from our skin. 
                          
"As long as she has your eyes," I replied softly, staring into your blue ones. You have the most beautiful eyes in the world you know, even if you don't quite agree with me. I slid my arm around you, pulling you in closer to me so I could stroke your hair. "However she turns out,  she'll be beautiful just like her mama." I said with a wink.
                          
"Oh you know it's a girl huh?" you said with a raise of your eyebrow. 
                          
"We can't have a Harry Styles junior running around, he'd be stealing hearts as soon as he popped out of the womb." I flashed you my cheekiest smile.
                          
You rolled your eyes the way you always did when I tried to crack a joke, but I knew you loved it anyway-it was a true statement, I'd stolen your heart after all.
                          
"How about," you said, pausing while running your fingers up my bare arm, "we have both."
                          
I leaned down and kissed you, not imagining any place that I would have rather been but in that moment. "Guess we'll have to get quite good at this then," I said with a wink and you laughed. 
                          
But as you know, things didn't go as planned. The magic little stick never developed a second line. I shrugged it off and told you it was only the first time we'd tried and that we'd just have to get some more practice in. 
                          
And so we did. But each time, we watched the stick fail to turn positive, and each time we got a little more disappointed. 
                          
After a year of trying to create life, things started to change. We'd tried everything: apps, tests, techniques, foods, old wives' tales. Nothing worked. 
                          
We didn't wait together for the magical line to appear anymore. I wouldn't have even known that day if I hadn't happened to catch a glimpse of yet another test in the bathroom trash can.
                          
It was at dinner with your mother that you finally cracked. Your younger sister's kids were running around the table like they always do and your mother said the one thing that we didn't want to hear.
                          
"Bet they would really love to have some cousins around here," she flashed us one of those 'Can you just give us some grandkids already?' kinda smiles and I could see your face drop.
                          
"Working on it," I said with a wink, and your mother and sister laughed. You, however, weren't amused. You stayed quiet for the remainder of the evening, until we got in the car to drive home.
                          
"When will she let it go!" you practically screamed, and I although you were quite vague I knew exactly what she you were talking about.
                          
"She's just excited, it's what mothers do Liv," I said, setting a hand on your thigh.
                          
"And you. You aren't any better, encouraging her with that 'working on it' crap," your voice was clearly angry. 
                          
"Well it's true," I said lightly.
                          
"Working on it? Really Harry? It's been over a year. One year. Don't you think if something was going to happen it would have happened by now? You don't get it," you crossed your arms and turned to face away from me.