Paralysed

                                    

                                          
Man, I just keep on surviving don't I? Honestly, it's getting a little embarrassing saying goodbye to everyone and having perfect endings all the time. By the time I actually come to my death day, I bet no one will come because they think I'm just going to recover soon after.
                          
I smile as my eyes open and expect to see Sam still, only he isn't there. I try to sit up, but nothing happens. I move my legs and someone rushes over.
                          
"Don't try to move your chest, that part of you is paralysed," It's Sam.
                          
Paralysed?! But everything was going so well! Am I doomed to this? I hope not, because I do not want something bad to happen every time something good does. It isn't fair! Why me?
                          
"The doctors want to put you into an induced coma, they say that's the only way you'll be able to recover and move the top half of your body. But if you don't wake up..." Sam voice trails off at the end.
                          
I tell him that it's okay, that it will be fine and I'll hear him either way, I just won't be able to talk back. I thank him for being such a good friend and tell him how happy I am he is supporting me through this. Then I realise that I can't possibly have said that out loud as I don't have control if my voice. It turns out I have been telling him all this through a series of kicks. I wonder if he understood.
                          
A doctor walks in and injects something in my arm, everything goes dark as I feel myself drifting off into a deep and maybe eternal sleep.
                          
I don't notice much difference apart from the fact that I now can't move my legs either. Nobody told me how long it would take for me to recover from the coma. I also want to know if my chest will ever un-paralyse. I know that if they don't, I'll never be able to fly again. And that, for me, means I'll have lost everything that I am and everything I stand for. The name 'Raven' will be pointless.
                          
I need to wake up. I have so many questions and no ability to ask them. I wish someone could hear me. I wish someone would let my mind rest. I wish that this never happened. I wish that everything is going to be okay. But it's not. I know it's not. There is no point in trying to deny it, nothing will ever be the same. Somehow will be different. I know it. I can't escape the truth and I know that, yet I still run from it. I mean, how am I supposed to admit to myself that what happens next won't be good at all. I won't be able to use my wings, or I will die in this never-ending coma, or I will be completely paralysed. How am I supposed to let myself think of the truth, when the truth will kill me? Or a part of me. How am I supposed to survive in a coma when I think of the aftermath? What if I don't want to survive this? What if I don't want to be part of the aftermath? Because I know I don't. I do not want to survive this, just so I can wake up, overcome with more misery than I have now. I don't know what is going to happen now. But to be honest, I'm not even sure if I care anymore.