A/N: Yay I'm back. So this chapter was hard. Really hard. Not because it was tragic or anything, it was just weirdly near impossible for me write. Still it's done now so I suppose that's good.
‘I miss her Kevin.’ It’s only been two weeks but it’s been difficult. We have a break before tour anyway but if things had been normal then we would have met up at some point. ‘Well then that’s your punishment I guess. Anyway, you’re going to see her in about half an hour’ Kirstie wants to speak to me so we’re going to go early to tour rehearsals so we can talk. ‘I’m really nervous.’ He smiles at me and rests a hand on my shoulder reassuringly. ‘Just remember what we said. Keep it short and to the point, don’t ask for anything other than forgiveness and steer clear of declarations of love.’ I wince at his advice. ‘Ok. I think I’ve got it.’ He pats my back a couple of times and then stands up and throws me my beanie. ‘Well then. Good luck.’
I focus on the drive as much as possible. I don’t want my mind wandering like it usually does. I need to be as calm as possible when I speak to her. I park and step out of the car, concentrating on my breathing. She’s stood just outside the front door of the building we rehearse in, looking down at her phone. As I slowly walk over to her she looks up and watches me. When I’m standing in front of her she looks me directly in the eyes. ‘Let’s go inside.’ She turns around and I follow her through the door and into a room with a table and a couple of chairs. She sits in one of the chairs and I take the other one. ‘Ok, we have about fifteen minutes until everyone gets here so you should probably start talking.’
I breathe in and out slowly. ‘I’m sorry Kirstie. I was wrong to treat you that way. I had no right to be so demanding and angry and I completely understand that it was unfair on you.’ She nods. ‘Is that it?’ ‘Not completely. You were right. It was just as much for me as it was for you. I enjoyed it every bit as much as you did, maybe more. Anything that I did for you outside of sex was no more than Scott or Mitch or Kevin would have done, no more than a friend should do. If it felt different to me then that’s because of me, it’s nothing to do with you.’ ‘Ok. Then you’re forgiven.’ ‘What?’ She rolls her eyes. ‘Obviously the sex isn’t going to happen anymore and we can’t be friends exactly like we were so we’re going back to the beginning.’ ‘The beginning?’ ‘We’re starting afresh. Like we’ve just met. We need to be able to work together and that’s not going to be possible unless I forgive you.’ She gets up ‘They’re not going to be here for another ten minutes at least. If we’re going to work together then we need to learn how to be around each other again.’
She sits back down. ‘Fine.’ ‘So um are you excited for tour?’ She smiles. It’s not totally sincere and it doesn’t completely reach her eyes but it’s a start. ‘Yeah. I can’t wait to travel again. We’re going to so many brilliant places.’ ‘Me neither, it’s going to be so great.’ We keep talking for the whole ten minutes and it’s fine. Not great or amazing, but fine. There’s still some awkwardness but it’s ok. It’s hard, knowing that she knows (well pretty much knows) how I feel, but it’s no one’s fault but mine. ‘Hey you two, I’m assuming all is well.’ Of course Mitch is utterly incapable of subtlety. Thankfully Kirstie just smiles ‘Yeah. Pretty much anyway. Let’s say he’s on sort of a trial period.’ Scott smirks ‘That seems fair.’ I can’t exactly complain and somehow all of us joking about how much of an asshole I am is actually kind of funny and not as upsetting as it could be.
‘Wake up Kaplan. We have to be on the bus in two hours and I know you haven’t even finished packing yet.’ Urgh. It is way too early for this. I drag myself out of bed and start pulling stuff into my case. ‘Hurry up Avi’ two hours later, slightly bleary eyed we’re at my sister’s house. ‘Hello, you two look exhausted.’ I glare at her and she laughs. ‘Ok, put your car in my garage Kevin. Jen’s already picked up the others so she’s on her way now.’ ‘Will do Esther.’ He walks back to the car and after taking out his case he starts the engine. ‘I can’t wait to see Kirstie again, I haven’t seen her in so long!’ I haven’t told her about what happened and neither has anyone else as far as I can tell. We’ve pretty much got past it now and I don’t think bringing it up again is a good idea.
Just because we seem to have moved past the arguing thing does not mean that I have in anyway moved past my feelings for her. So when she bounds off the bus to hug Esther I’m pretty much overwhelmed by how beautiful she is. As usual. She’s wearing a pair of shorts and a hoodie and she has her glasses on and I’m irritatingly overwhelmed. ‘Esther.’ ‘Kirstie.’ They cling to each other for about a minute and then once they let go they start a stream of babbling gossip that has Kevin and Darien laughing affectionately. ‘Hurry up guys, I want to get going already.’ ‘Coming Scott.’ Esther yells as Kirstie walks over to me. ‘Hi.’ She smiles shyly ‘Hey Avi.’
Being back on the bus with everyone feels unbelievably normal. Me and Kirstie avoid directly speaking to each other but aside from that everything feels fine. Me and Kevin sit together and chat and Scott, Mitch and Kirstie lie in their bunks laughing and yelling and singing without following a particular tune. ‘You really can’t stop staring at her can you?’ Why do I ever think that I’m capable of being subtle? He shakes his head. ‘You’re so clearly crazy about her. What are you going to do about it?’ ‘What can I do? I messed up. She might not hate me anymore but even if she somehow saw me as boyfriend material before she definitely doesn’t now.’ ‘Who doesn’t see you as boyfriend material?’
A/N: Ok so there we go. Hopefully that wasn't too bad. I may be getting writers block with this story. Don't worry, I'm not going to stop writing and leave it unfinished. I think the next chapter might be easier to write. If not though I'm thinking of possibly writing another story alongside this one as a kind of break, so I'm still writing but writing something else. It would be a Kavi story which I kind of have an idea for so if people are at all interested then I could maybe write that.
