Chapter Twelve

                                    

                                          


I after driving around in circles my gas in my car went low.I drove to the gas station to put gas in my car.Then I headed back to Nash's house.I was most surprised at the fact that I wasn't crying...probably because I was in serious shock.Arriving I walked in with my head down."Hey Meg you okay...Nash told me where you went."Matthew said giving me a hug."Yeah Im fine he said he hopes I handle it."He let go of me."What the hell?!?"He blurted out.He tucked his finger under my chin forcing it up.I tried my hardest to keep my face down."Look at me...Look at me!"He said.I gave up when he used both his hands to force his eyes to mine. "Did he do that?"He forcefully ask.I didn't answer."Did he do that?!?"I quietly nodded."Im going to kill him."I pushed Matt."Matt calm down!Matt calm down!"I yelled as he struggled to get past me without pushing me."No!I promised I eon't let him hurt you he did!""MATT STOP!!!"I screamed."If you go I'll be in danger.What do you think,you can just not end up like Nash...Please... trust me if you care about me you wouldn't go.I need your support more than anything right now...Im falling apart and my emotions are fading...Im not even crying anymore this is so emotionally tiring I can't even cry!I have to go back!"I said.
                          
"No!That's not happening."Matt heated up again placing his hands against the wall."When my dad comes back...some how I have to tell him...you can't help me with that."I said.He sat down on the floor. I sat down with him."He placed his arm around me."Why did you even go back."He said wincing in his voice."I needed to feel in charge of the whole situation.Him beating Nash,him breaking my paintings I needed him to say he was sorry!He  needed to know he was wrong for his behavior.I thought maybe it would work."I looked up at him a tear fell from one of his eyes."If I had too...I would die for you...But I can't even control this situation what makes me think I can-"He stopped himself."I didn't mean to hurt you.Im so sorry..."He said taking his hand from around me and wiping his face before slamming his fist into the wall and walking upstairs with a stern face.Nash walked down the stairs angry as well.Staring at my face.Slowly,then all at once I let tears fall down my face."Stop Nash!!"I said as he grabbed me and hugged me."I know Im stupid and I need an I told you so.I know I am."He just held me tighter."Im not going to rub it in your face...There's nothing I can do but I comfort you."He said."If I didn't loose my temper he would have did what he did to you.It's only fair to let me blame myself."I nodded in his arms not being able to say anything after the realizing the trouble I caused."Promise me he won't hit you like this again.Promise me you won't let him."I nodded my head again.I needed some time alone to think.Not about anything particular.When Nash let go of me I walked upstairs to his bathroom and locked the door.
                          
Most girls solidify themselves to cut when things get bad.They can't handle pain emotionally so they cut hoping if they feel the pain it will go away faster than letting it boil up inside it was a way Kaleen woke up smiling.I didn't like the idea of self harm.Im too scared to even grab a razor blade or flick out a pocket knife.My ways to cope was to lock my self in a room for hours letting all my feelings come out.I pulled on my own hair ad hard as I could and screamed as loud as I could.then I would bite down on my lip until blood fell.I would sat in that bathroom and screamed like I was in a mental institution.Im not a bad person...Im not a bad person...I was a good sister I was the outgoing happy daughter.I dared to do things people were scared to do.I matured faster than all my friends and realized how fake they were.I took care of my little sister when my mom would go looking for houses and people to steal from.I was so close to Justin I'd tell him secrets I wouldn't tell Kaleen.I wasn't the one who told Kaleen her mother was dead,Dad did.And I was the one who told her the truth about EVERYTHING.I was a good person so why the HELL am I being punished for it.There's always someone out there who loves you but why can't my family love me...Justin hates me and my father doesn't know me.I couldn't contemplate suicide because Im not a quitter what's so ever.But in that bathroom I thought about it.And Im a  wimp because Im too afraid to tell my father what J was doing to me.Over and over and over I contemplated suicide but then I realized how selfish I would be if I did.I wiped my face getting up and fixing my hair and I checked my lip.I ripped through the skin to the flesh.
                          
I walked out the door.Nash was sitting on the floor in front of his door."Why are you right there at 2am."I asked him as he sat there."Matt locked himself in there and said he won't come out until you come out.I walked to the door and pounded on it."Matt!!!It's Me!!!"He quickly opened the door and hugged me.He pulled me in and slammed the door again locking it."Matthew...what are you doing?"I asked."Im locking myself up...because I promised you something and I failed...I take promises serious and I let myself down.I let a person I really truly meant it when I said I won't let anyone hurt you,hurt you.I did...I will hurt your brother whether you like it or not."He said barely looking at me. "Just...Please don't...He's not in a good place Matt.""Real men don't touch a woman.And real boys don't hit there sister's.Your brother's a fucking wimp.Tell him I said that the next time you see him...which will be in a hospital."I shook my head and laid on Matthew."Try not to..."I said knowing I couldn't stop him."But Matt...Can I tell you something?"I began."In that bathroom I contemplated suicide for the first time."I said straight faced."Believe it or not I do all the time...I get a lot of hate almost everyday...I try to ignore it but who in the hell can."I looked up at him and kissed his cheek.
"I would never try and put you in a situation where you would think about suicide."He grabbed my face and kissed me a little peck on the mouth before saying..."You already did."We fell asleep that way.On the floor next to each other.In a way I understood him...I just don't know how.