(27)

                                    

                                          
When I got to my room, I was kinda empty. 
I wasn't angry .
I wasn't sad.
Just a little tired.

                          
Even though before I had always felt this empty part of me missing because I never knew my mom, it was less stressful not knowing her.
Now that's she's here all of a sudden, it's too much for me to handle.

                          
At this point I don't know what I should do. 
I don't necessarily want to forgive her but I don't want to hate her for the rest of my life. 
I do want to forgive her but I don't want her thinking that it's gonna be easy. And I DEFINITELY do not want to ever call her mom.

                          
And nothing, absolutely nothing, not even the working muscles in my body can pull me to go back downstairs to continue that conversation with her. As I was in deep in thought, Jisung came behind, 

                          
"Boo!" He said softly, as if he wasn't trying to actually scare me.

                          
I turned around quickly not getting scared at all.
"Hey" I said blankly 


                          
"Hey? Hey is all I get ?" He asked 



                          
"What do you expect ? We just had a conversation with our deadbeat mother." I said 



                          
"Yeah and that was a real dramatic exit you made. It made things real awkward for awhile." He said 



                          
"How'd she react?" I asked 



                          
"You know, the regular, crying like a baby. I just told them I'd be back but this conversation can only continue if you're there." He said 


                          
"Yeah, sure, but let me ask you this question. What do you want this conversation to result to ? Her being our mom again ? What are you expecting ?" I asked curiously 



                          
"I honestly don't know" he said 
"All I know is I don't want to hate her anymore because it literally drains me but I don't want her back in my life so easily." He said



                          
"Same! But we keep contradicting ourselves, what do we really want ? Because we can't have both. Like if we want her back in our life then she has to be a mother figure and we don't want that just yet. But if we don't want her in our life then is she just gonna disappear like a complete stranger again ?" I asked 



                          
"I doubt it. Either way something we haven't realized is that her and dad are in love so even if we don't want her as a mother figure she's still gonna be around.." jisung said 



                          
"And what's the point of that?" We said in unison , as we both looked up at eachother 



                          
I sighed, "so what exactly are we deciding on right now?" I asked jisung



                          
"I guess that we're gonna give her a chance, but we can't make it easy for her. Like we gotta make it real difficult for her." He said 


                          
"How difficult?" I asked 


                          
"Like '12 years of not having a mother around' difficult." He replied 


                          
"That's pretty difficult. But you're a softie, I'll give it two weeks and you'll be callin her mom." I said teasing him 


                          
"I will not !" He said defensively 


                          
I chuckled.


                          
"But on a serious note. If one of us sees that the other is getting close with her we shouldn't think that we are "giving in" or " making it easy" for her. I think we should both have open minds about letting her in around the same time. We can't give her a hard time forever you know?" He said 


                          
"Something tells me you already know I'm gonna have a harder time with this than you." I said 


                          
He shrugged, "I know my sister" 


                          
I laughed and pulled him into a hug. 
"You're a good brother y'know?" I said, as I held him tight .
"I give you full permission to slap me if I'm being too hard on her and it's literally unnecessary." 


                          
"Really?!" He asked excitedly, pulling away from our hug 


                          
"Nope, If you do I'll throw you down the stairs" I said giving him an evil smirk 


                          
"Fine, but we need to get back down there, so hurry before I throw you down the stairs." He said 


                          
I sighed, and stood up. We both made our way to the hallway on top of the staircase.


                          
"You ready?" He asked 


                          
"Yup"