"Dem?" the tears poured down my cheeks as I sat on the bed, surrounded by empty bottles of vodka. I thread my fingers into my hair and released a scream of frustration. "Demi?" I looked up at Nick as he stepped into the room, his eyes wide as he glanced around. "Demi, what are you...Can you not hear our son screaming?" he was trying to keep his voice calm, but I knew he was anything but calm. I suddenly remembered where I was and could suddenly hear my son screaming.
"Nick" his name left my mouth as a breath.
"Demi, you...What possessed you to do this?" I shook my head as I pushed myself up from the bed, stumbling as I began towards Nick who only seemed to step away from me. "Our newborn son is in the next room and you're here getting pissed" I shoved at his chest, unable to control anything that I was doing due to how intoxicated I was. "I'm taking my son and you're gonna get yourselfsome help" I continued to shove at his chest, only stopping when his hands wrapped around my wrists.
"He's my son and you're not taking him away from me."
"You need help, Demi. You need serious fucking help. I will do everything that I can to help you, but I am not leaving my son here with you."
"Nick, I will not let you take him from me" I tugged at his arm but with the terrible coordination that I currently had, he was easily able to yankhis arm from my grip. I stumbled slightly but caught myself on the vanity. "Nick?" I screamed as I watched him leave, the tears rapidly pouring down my cheeks. I stumbled my way towards the door of the nursery, watching as Nick lifted the baby into his grip, the tears already having blurred my vision. "Nick, please don't take him from me" he turned to me and the look in his eyes, the look of disappointment, made me feel so tiny.
"Demi, you need help" I wiped the tears from my cheeks, but they were rapidly replaced with new ones.
"Nick, don't take him away from me. Please" I pleaded as he sighed, glancing down at the baby against his chest. I was beginning to sober up. "Nick, he's my world. Please don't take him away from me" Nick ran his tongue along his lip before walking straight passed me and through the nursery door. I wasn't in the right mind to be able to stop him. "Nick" I screamed as he continued down the hallway, tears streaming down my cheeks as I dropped to the floor, completely breaking down as he disappeared from sight. My world slowly turned black.
"Demi?" I shot awake, my breathing rapid as I looked up at Nick who was leant over me, his fingers running through my hair. "You okay?" I shook my head as I sat up, tears rapidly pouring down my cheeks. "Hey, shh" Nick wrapped his arms tightly around me and pulled me onto his lap, my head nuzzling into his neck as I sobbed. "You're okay, Dem" the feeling of Nick's fingers running through my hair helped to calm me down.
"I'm just like my dad" Nick shook his head as he tightened his arms around my shaking frame.
"Is that what you didn't want to talk about? You think you're like Patrick?"
"Nick, what if-what if I hurt our son?" Nick shook his head, his finger running along my spine as I pulled my head from his neck. "Nick, I-I'm an addict. What-What if I slip up? What if I end up harming him? You'll never forgive me for that" Nick pressed a kiss to my temple as he shook his head.
"You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for" I looked up at Nick and our eyes locked. "Demi, our little boy is gonna be so lucky to have you as his momma. You want me to stay in here with you?"
"Please" he sent me a smile and I moved myself off his lap and situated myself on my bed. Nick settled himself down beside me. "I-I know we're not together but-but can you hold me?" Nick slowly lifted my shirt and I watched curiously as he ran his hand along my stomach, one of my hands settled just under my breasts.
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"Dem, the difference between you and Patrick is that you got help" my eyes watched him as he lightly caressed my belly. I had to try so hard to ignore the tingles that were shooting down my spine. "You're a warrior, Demi, and if you ever fall, I'll be there to help pick you back up."
"Can you promise me something?" his eyes looked up to meet mine. He nodded, his hand remaining settled on my stomach. "I-I can't promise that-that I won't fall off the wagon one day. I don't know what the future holds for me" Nick shook his head but I lifted my hand and placed my index finger onto his lips which shut him up. "Just let me finish, Nick. Please?" he nodded and instantly fell silent. "I'm an addict, Nick, and unfortunately that isn't ever gonna change. There's a chance that I'll eventually mess up my sobriety. I'm keeping an open mind but there's still a chance..." I shook my head and released a breath, glancing down at my stomach as I bit down on my lip. "Promise me that..." I stopped and released a breath as a lump formed in my throat. "I love my baby so much that it actually hurts" Nick lifted his hand from my stomach and gently wiped the tears from my cheeks. "Promise me that no matter-no matter how hard I fall that you won't-you won't take him away from me permanently" Nick took a gentle hold of my chin with his thumb and forefinger and turned my face so that I was looking directly at him.
"What was your dream about, Dems?" I shook my head as he gently ran his fingers through his hair.
"Just promise me that, Nick."
"I promise. Our boy is always gonna need his mommy. And if you do ever fall off the wagon, you can count on us to help bring you back" I gave him a small smile through my tears. "Now, come here and we'll try to get some more sleep" I snuggled myself into him as his arms circled their way around me, my head nuzzled into his neck. I couldn't deny the overwhelming feeling of safety that took over my body as his arms enveloped around me. I have always felt safe with Nick and I don't want that feeling to ever go away.
