-How to try and stay sane-

                                    

                                          
June 8, 2018
                          
I struggled to keep my eyes open in the backseat of Jenny's car. 
I was being made to go to a barbecue with Carmen and Jenny, because apparently that's what families do. 
I understood why they wanted me to go, I needed to get out of the house because I haven't been lately, and I never had really met any of Jenny or Carmen's friends. As their kid I should have grown up knowing the people I would meet tonight, but I came in a little late. 
                          
I know I needed to participate so they didn't regret adopting me, but it didn't make me any less exhausted. 
I guess it wouldn't take forever, I mean we were going for 7:30 for the actual dinner part, and then there would be a campfire and fireworks. 
Plus, Jenny said Naomi was probably coming, and would most likely take Will. That was a plus. 
                          
I was exhausted though, and was falling asleep in the backseat. I wasn't sure how close we were, but the last thing I saw was Jenny smiling warmly at me in the rear view mirror. 
                          
What felt like 2 seconds later I felt the car stop and I painfully peeled my eyes apart. Unfortunately, it was almost June, which means the sun was still high in the sky, which means it blared through the window of the car and into my eyes. I blinked quickly as tears formed, trying to adjust. 
Carmen reached back and tapped my knee,
                          
"Wake up sleeping beauty, we're here," she said cheerily. 
Turns out Jenny and Carmen went to the same high school, but with Carmen a year younger than Jenny, and they didn't know each other. Then, a few years later they had mutual friends introduce them at a party, and they all had the same friends but somehow never really met. 
So this was all of their friends from high school. Well, most of them. 
And they're kids, some around my age, but probably younger. Will was, though Naomi was 2 years older than Jenny. 
Naomi was also a special case I guess, getting pregnant at 18 and then marrying a year later. 
                          
I really didn't want to socialize, with Bianca and Hades trailing me all day, making me feel disgusting, and hating myself more than I already did. 
I couldn't wait to see my boyfriend and get engulfed in a warm hug. 
                          
"Ok, ok I'm up," I rubbed my wet eyes and Unclicked my seatbelt, while stretching. Jenny hopped out of the car with a large smile, and opened the trunk. 
I could tell she was secretly upset though. Today she came home crying right after I showered. I didn't expect her to be home so early or to her sobbing, but my "son" instincts kicked in and I quickly pulled her into a hug and smoothed her hair even though I was shorter. 
I muttered quiet nothings until she calmed down enough to tell me that one of her newer clients commit suicide. I knew from past stories that this really upsets her. She always feels like it's her fault and she should've done more. 
But it wasn't her fault, and there was nothing she could do. 
                          
She had a shower herself, and came out with a forced smile, putting on makeup and dressing up nice to try to cover up how upset she was. 
                          
I, on the other hand, just put on a huge sweater and ripped jeans. 
I was proud of myself though, because I made myself shower, brushed my teeth and made myself look generally clean and well groomed. I even wore my nice pair of shoes and not my ruined vans. 
                          
I could hear music from the 90s and early 2000s playing, and I couldn't help but remember Hades commenting on "the new trash music" when we came from Italy. 
                          
I pushed open my door to the slightly humid air. I didn't want to, but I'd probably have to take off my sweater at some point tonight. 
                          
I watched as Carmen kissed Jenny on the cheek, rubbing her shoulders as she held a salad of some sort. Jenny probably told Carmen before anyone else, because I know I would tell Will. You need the love from your significant other, and when you get older, they become your best friend as well.