-How to stay awake-

                                    

                                          
May 15, 2018
                          
"So Camilla is becoming friends with the girls who dumped her at the beginning of then year again?" Jenny asked, folding her legs. I don't blame her for not understanding, high school drama confused me too. 
                          
"Yea apparently they started talking over social media or whatever and then they apologized and Camilla forgave them so now their friends again," I had a hand over my eyes, trying to lessen my huge headache. I was lying out on the couch, my bag and jacket on the floor next to me. 
                          
"She won't just drop you though Nico, don't worry about that," she tried to convince me. I nodded and groaned, pressing my eyes. She sighed and stood up, and rummaged through her purse, and handed me a tylonel. I took it appreciatively with the plastic cup of water and swallowed it instantly.   
                          
"Yea, she went to lunch with me after not going with me Thursday, Friday and Monday, and apologized. According to her "they forced her to go to apologize for the time they lost". But she said having out with me was better, which I guess is a plus," 
                          
"See, there's nothing to worry about," she sat back down and I let my head tilt to face her, letting my hand drop away.
"So how what your day Neeks?"
                          
"It was crappy. I don't know, I haven't been sleeping well, I keep getting these horrible nightmares and then I don't sleep the rest of the night which sucks, and then Bianca won't leave me alone, and hasn't for a good 5 days now,"  I told her truthfully. I didn't tell her how absolutely empty I felt, and I tried to fill the size of the hole in my chest with cigarettes. 
I told her what she could fix, because she was still technically my psychologist. 
                          
"Yea, I was meaning of asking you about that, I sometimes wake up and hear you walking around," she got out her notepad. I wonder how many of those she buys in a year, and if she has a different one for every client. 
                          
"Sorry," I cringed, feeling bad about waking her at 4 am,
"I just can't sleep and try doing things to tire me out."
                          
"It's fine Nico I wasn't complaining. I just want to know what we can do to fix this. I've heard using essential oils works well for sleep. I don't know how to get rid of nightmares though..." she murmured and wrote some stuff down, troubleshooting. 
"Maybe if you tell someone what they're about- do you tell Will what happens in them?" 
                          
I shifted onto my side to completely face her. My boyfriend would be arriving soon, to take me to the cafe. We hadn't gone the week before and I missed the comforting smell of cooking pastries and coffee. 
                          
"No, he asked but I didn't really want to explain, it's embarrassing," I confessed. Jenny frowned at me, amused. 
                          
"What's so embarrassing about the dreams Nico?"
                          
"I don't know, I just don't want to tell him about my mom and my dad and Bianca cause that's the majority of it all," 
Jenny shook her head, but smiled at me nonetheless. 
                          
"Nico how long have you known Will now? And how long have you been dating him?" She asked me. 
                          
"Since September, and 3 months," I replied, not seeing where this was going. 
                          
"So 8 months you've been super close to him and you still haven't really told him anything. Don't you think he should know something?" She prodded. I thought back to it and realized she was right, most of the stuff he knows about me and my past was told to him by Jenny, not me. 
I just didn't like to bring it up, it wasn't insanely important or anything. 
                          
"I don't knowwww Jenny, it's just not something I like to talk about," I put my hands over my face. I could feel Bianca show up behind me, after following me all day. 
Camilla asked me a few more questions today about it, after I told her that she wouldn't leave me alone, like what she looked like, and how she was before. I loved that about Camilla, even though after I told her all of that she ended the conversation with "Wow Bianca turned into a grade A bitch after she died, huh,".