Honesty

                                    

                                          
what
                          
the
                          
fuck
                          
I can't even form a coherent thought beside those three words. The single person that has been a pain in my ass for the past month has me pressed against him and his tongue down my throat. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also really would like to get away as soon as possible so I can act like this never happened. 
                          
"Kiss me back," Yoongi growls. 
                          
"What are you—"
                          
"Kiss. Me. Back." He demands between kisses. "Please! I won't hurt you, I just— need to see something."
                          
I don't argue with him after feeling his heart racing inside of his chest. I'm sure mine is doing the same, only for a very different reason. 
                          
He hurriedly kisses me again, his lips crashing into mine urgently as if his life depended on it. There's no point in trying to fight him, so I give in, allowing him to kiss me and feel the hunger that he's clearly been trying to hold back for a while. 
                          
The kiss is short but aggressive. Yoongi wraps his fingers in my hair with the other hand on the small of my back, and when his tongue comes into play, I part my lips and taste the anger and confusion in his actions. 
                          
When he finally breaks away, we're both gasping for air. I feel dizzy from the lack of breathing, but the question of what the hell just happened lingers. 
                          
"I didn't know that such a sweet smile could break a heart, let alone two." He smiles sadly and gauges my reaction. "I've been through some shit in my life, and seeing you smile at Jimin was some of the hardest shit I've had to deal with in a while."
                          
"Yoongi..." I can't even think of words right now. "Are you... confessing to me?"
                          
"Are you kidding me?" He laughs bitterly and shakes his head. "No, it's Jimin."
                          
wait
                          
...

                          
...


                          
what?
                          
"Oh," is the only thought going through my head right now. "I didn't realize... you—"
                          
"Neither did I at first," he admits dejectedly. "I thought it was just the brotherly love that I never had with my real brother. But as we got closer, I realized that it wasn't the same type of love that I had for the other members. I started wanting to hold him just to have close to me and going out my way just to make him smile."
                          
I probably look like every Jungshook meme in existence right now. 
                          
"I still find girls attractive," he continues, "hell, I had sex with a lot of girls to try and get him out of my head. It was fun, but it never felt as good as a hug from Jimin or him laying his head on my shoulder. His smiles stirs my heart more than anyone else ever has, but I didn't realize that he didn't return my feelings until you came along. He looks at you the way that I look at him."
                          
He rubs the back of his neck and looks at me with resolve painting his sharp features. "That's why I had to kiss you. I had to know what it felt like, why he fell for you and not me."
                          
"Yoongi..." I want to cry seeing how heartbroken he is, especially when I remember that I'm partly responsible for his misery.
                          
"I guess... I guess I always thought that with how close we are, eventually, he'd start to feel the same way." Yoongi hangs his head and stares at his shoes. "At least, I hoped..."
                          
As much as I hate how mean he has been to me, I can't help but feel bad for the poor guy. He looks beyond heartbroken, and after being in love with Jimin for years, I can't imagine how hard this is for him to deal with.
                          
"He does love you, you know. Maybe not romantically, but from how he talks about you, it's pretty obvious that you're one of the most important people in his life, and he'd do anything for you." I carefully place a hand on his back, and when he doesn't flinch away, I rub small circles between his shoulders.
                          
The two of us sit in silence for a while, the only sound coming from the shifting fabric of Yoongi's shirt as I continue to rub his back in an attempt to comfort him. I'm completely out of my league right now, comforting the one person who has made my life difficult since I came on the road with my brother's group, but I can't help but try to mend the broken man in front of me. 
                          
"I'm such a piece of shit," Yoongi mutters after a few minutes have passed.
                          
"No, you're not," I argue, and he grimaces.
                          
"I treat you like shit when all you do is take care of me and my friends." He sighs deeply and finally looks up at me, his eyes brimming with tears. "You take care of the person I'm in love with better than I ever could."
                          
"Please don't think that way," I finally get the courage to hug him, and to my complete shock, he actually hugs me back.
                          
"You know I just want him to be happy more than anything, right?" He almost whispers, but I manage to hear him. He clings to my sweater like a child, and it only makes me want to hug him tighter. 
                          
I seriously misjudged this guy. He was just being protective of the person he loves. 
                          
"I know," I say quietly, "and he wants your happiness just as much, that I can promise you."
                          
"I know he does," Yoongi pulls away and deepens his frown, "but that's part of why this is all so hard. He has no idea that nothing would make me happier than he could."
                          
"Yoongi," I choose my next few words carefully, "would it make you feel better to confess to Jimin? You might not get the response you'd want, but he still cares about you, and it might give you some closure if nothing else."
                          
"I will someday," he promises with another heavy sigh, "but I'm not ready for that."
                          
"Okay," I smile softly at him, but his frown lingers, "I know we didn't start off that friendly, but I am here if you need someone to talk to."
                          
"Thanks, but don't expect me to ever show emotion again," he chuckles weakly and sniffles.
                          
"Fair enough," I say as he walks away without another word.