Ghost of Him

                                    

                                          
"How many times are we going to continue talking about this?" Shawn laughed bitterly as a frown appeared between his brows. "Because this is getting really old now." 
                          
The hardness in his tone made it clear that he was obviously fed up with the same old argument that had been going on constantly for the past four days. 
                          
It was sad, really. 
                          
Shawn was leaving for tour soon and all we ever did was bicker about the same damn things. 
                          
"Obviously not for much longer because you clearly don't care." I shot back as I raised a patronizing eyebrow his way.
                          
He leaned back in the couch, crossing his legs to cope with the pressure building up in his body again. His fingers were rubbing the fabric of his black skinny jeans repeatedly. 
                          
"I don't care now?"
                          
"Come on, Shawn. You can't continue to deny it!" I told him, throwing my hands in the air in frustration. "I didn't move all the way to fucking Toronto to be left alone. You're never here. You don't even want to be here anymore, be around me."
                          
I felt the tears reach the surface of my eyes and became more frustrated as the situation between us escalated because he just didn't get it. 
                          
He never got any of it. 
                          
"That's not fair, you know that's not how it is." He spit back, rolling his eyes in anger. 
                          
For a second, I just glared at him, completely lost for words to fire back as revenge. How Shawn could be so fucking delusional was a complete mystery to me. 
                          
"The only time you want to be with me is when you're horny and lonely." I snapped back, folding my arms in protest.
                          
His dark eyes locked with mine for the first time since he got home, forcing sudden yet sharp yank to appear in my heart.
                          
Shawn had the most beautiful brown eyes I had ever seen in my entire life and from the very first glance we ever shared, those dark-brown chestnuts made me fall all in him in the matter of only seconds. 
                          
Now, they seemed nothing but unfamiliar and unrecognizable to me. 
                          
"Because all you ever want to do is fucking fight." Shawn insisted as his eyes flicked again. 
                          
He was too upset to even hold his careless stare at my face. I didn't mind it much, the madness in his stare was too much for my pour heart to bare. 
                          
"I just want to talk to you, Shawn! We can't keep avoiding everything wrong with this relationship!" 
                          
"Well, we don't solve shit because you always get too heated and walk away." 
                          
"Because you never listen anyways." I said bluntly, throwing back my head as the headache appeared near my temples once again. 
                          
Every second we spend on fighting each other, I felt like we were wasting precious time, we really didn't have. The thought of Shawn going on tour – and leaving our relationship in this fragile state – was constantly haunting my mind. 
                          
"Oh yeah, it's all my fault, right?" Shawn said annoyed, forcing his fingers through his messy curls. "What a fucking surprise." 
                          
"I've never said that, Shawn. But you could at least try."
                          
"Why would I even bother anymore? Whatever I do pisses you off-" 
                          
"It doesn't piss me off, it hurts me you fucking idiot. Don't you get it?" I screamed at his face to my own surprise just as much as Shawn's. 
                          
Tears filled my eyes and silently, they began rolling down my heated cheeks as my heart started pounding harshly again my sore chest. I forced my fingers through my hair as the heat from the anger flushed my body and took control over whatever was left of my sanity.