Chapter 38

                                    

                                          
OLIVIA'S POV
                          
I have always fought for him. 
                          
As a friend, as my boyfriend, as now, as my husband. 
                          
I will always fight for him, even when he can't fight for himself.
                          
"No, Harry!" I yell at him but he continues with his original intention as if he has rehearsed exactly how this is going to go in his head.
                          
"You can have everything, the house, the staff, the cars," he mumbles, looking down at the floor as if his weak facade will crumble around him the moment he looks at me and realises how wrong this is.
                          
"I don't want them!" My voice raises another octave as I feel the panic bubbling up inside me. "You know that shit means nothing to me!" 
                          
I storm towards him and he takes a step back, but I persist, my palms pushing against his chest to force him to look at me as he backs up onto the fridge. 
                          
"Look at me! You can't push me away! We've been here before, it didn't work the first time and it's not going to work now!" I say boldly, my voice is rushed and out of breath as the adrenaline pumps wildly through my system.  
                          
I'm not going to lose him to self doubt and this destruction caused by someone else. I know things have been beyond awful lately but now, as it presents itself in front of me, I know the thought of living my life without him is too painful to even consider. 
                          
Separation is not an option. 
                          
As much as he thinks he is doing this to help me, to protect me, I know he is the one who needs saving and I'm not going to let him drown in this without fighting like hell to keep him afloat.
                          
He grabs my wrists and leads me backward to gain some space and an attempt to control the situation.
                          
"I can't keep letting this shit happen to you! This is all because of me! Tell me you like living like this?" He spits, his anger being fuelled by my own and I know by the switch in his mood that he is just helplessly confused and in pain.
                          
"You don't either!" I counter rapidly and he takes another menacing step towards me, his green eyes blazing and his pink lips swollen from biting them.
                          
"You're right! I fucking hate it! But I also chose this life, Olivia!  Can you tell me you'd honestly choose this for yourself?" 
                          
"I chose you! I choose you!" 
                          
He exhales an agitated huff and pulls at the roots of this hair with both hands as he paces back and forth, torn with the choice of what he genuinely believes is protecting me and what he considers the ultimate selfishness of staying together.
                          
"You could be happier," he finally tries to debate more to himself, his face still harsh and my whole body has started to shake with the impending possibility of him walking out that door. 
                          
"Not without you. Stop punishing yourself for things that are out of our control." I blurt out and almost sigh in relief that my brain is cooperating with articulating exactly what he needs to hear. 
                          
He stops pacing and points at me before bellowing out a command. 
                          
"Ask me to give it up! Ask me to give up my job, this fucked up celebrity world, the fame, the money. Ask me, Liv!"
                          
The fury on his face has me taking an involuntary step back and my eyes fill with tears again.  How did we get here? How did we become this?
                          
This world has turned two people, that were so encapsulated in their love, and stomped on it viciously, breaking everything that was once good and wholesome and turning it into a pile of jagged debris, too dangerous to touch and perhaps, too damaged to repair.