Despair

                                    

                                          
Today was different. Different than any other days I've lived through. Strangely enough, it was peaceful. I rubbed my eyes and clambered out of bed. The weather was perfect as spring slowly faded into summer. I should've been at school but for some reason, I wasn't. I shouldn't be alone but for some reason, I was. 
                          
Where was everyone?
                          
I called out for my older sister, my even older sister, and my extra older brother. The air vibrated as I shouted for my parents and silence rang after I forced my friends' names through my lips. 
                          
I guess it would make sense for me to be home alone, I thought as I wandered through the vacant halls. The familiar creaks of the ancient wood floor was gone and as I pushed open each door, not a croak was made. 
                          
I sighed and made my way back to my bedroom. As I sat on my bed, I looked through the window and remembered that today was strangely peaceful. Odd enough, I felt guilty for moving a muscle, for calling out on this near-silent day. I ruined the peace but it came back even after I disturbed it. 
                          
The sky pulsed a vibrant, elegant blue yet as I stared and stared, it became sickening. The clouds were few as they scattered the morning and they flowed with the wind's currents. Leaves rustled and branches shook oh-so gently with the breeze of a mother's touch. 
                          
I opened my window and inched my hand through the opening. There wasn't a breeze, not a lick of wind. Curious, I poked my head through the hole in my house yet my hair did not billow in the wind. 
                          
Maybe I was right to be suspicious of this oddly peaceful day. 
                          
The sun blared through the sky, illuminating the land. It was bright but I couldn't pinpoint its location. My eyes throbbed as I scanned over the world above me. I couldn't find the sun. It's warmth and light enveloped me though I couldn't find its face.
                          
I pulled my body back into my house and swiftly shut the window. 
                          
Maybe I shouldn't go outside today.
                          
I flopped back into my bed and sighed. There's nothing to do. 
                          
I slid my phone from my desk and checked the time. It was 10:56AM. I would be in third hour right now. I would be studying with my annoying friends and getting scolded because of them. I would be mocking my uptight teacher and I would be wishing to go home. 
                          
Here I am, at home. 
                          
Wishing to be anywhere else but here.
                          
I laid on my bed and stared at the bland ceiling for what seemed like hours. I checked the time on my phone again: 10:56AM. That wasn't right. I know I've been here for countless hours.
                          
I shifted in bed and that's when I heard the scrape of the door against the ancient floors. This isn't right.
                          
Footsteps shuffled and hushed whispers resonated through the house. I gulped and made my way downstairs. No one should be here. 
                          
"SURPRISE!!!" A string of voices clattered. Some earlier than others and some outright late.
                          
"Happy birthday!" My mother hugged me. It felt like I was watching from above. Like I wasn't in my body anymore. No one should be here.
                          
"Blow out the candles!!!" My three older siblings thrust a cake alight with flame in my direction. I let out a shaky breath and closed my eyes. No one should be here.
                          
"Present time!" My father dragged me towards the front door. I stood there, doing nothing. I stood there in a body that was not mine. 
                          
"Go on," he pestered. "Open it."
                          
My hand trembled and my shaking fingers wrapped around the doorknob. I tried to take a deep breath as my stomach twisted and my heart began to pound. My breath caught in my throat and my eyes lined with tears. I can't breathe.
                          
I turned the knob and pushed the door back. I felt exhausted. The door had never been this heavy before. 
                          
A cascade of golden waves greeted me and I resented the blue eyes boring into mine. They were the same color as the sky. I hated this. I hate this. But I couldn't run away. I was trapped in a body that wasn't mine. I couldn't leave. I couldn't breathe. I felt excited and happy. I felt endless joy and infinite bliss. I don't want to be here. No one should be here.
                          
"Annie!" The body of mine screamed and my arms were pried open. The body tackled me and sent me rolling on the ground. I miss you.
                          
Her sickening bright eyes locked on to mine.
                          
"Happy birthday!" Her lips brushed my temple and my tears came down. They rushed as rapid as a waterfall and wouldn't stop. Couldn't stop. I can't believe you came back! I can't believe you're really here!
                          
A balloon popped and streamers were thrown. 
                          
I was startled. 
                          
It broke the peace. 
                          
But now I was awake.
                          
Thunder and lightning crackled through the pitch black night. It hammered down on the pitiful place we call home. My face was wet with tears, rain couldn't have gotten inside.
                          
I slid my phone off of my desk: 12:00AM, Tuesday, May 27th. 
                          
It really is my birthday. 
                          
I wanted to throw up.
                          
My tears were never of joy. They were always of despair.
                          
That's right. Annie wasn't here. She would never come back. Why?
                          
Because Annie is dead.
                          
Her dull blonde hair and sickening blue eyes stared up at me through her casket. She's dead.
                          
I tried to get out of bed. I need water. I need to get out. I need to go somewhere. 
                          
 I can't breathe. 
                          
My head throbbed. 
                          
I fell on the floor.
                          
I threw up. 
                          
The sounds of my retching joined the chorus of the thunder. Footsteps pounded through the hallway. Or maybe that was a hammer bashing my head. It hurts. Everything hurts.
                          
My mom crouched beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder. 
                          
She was a blur of color as my tears clouded my vision. 
                          
"It's okay," she hugged me as I cried and puked and wished I wasn't here. "It's okay, baby. Everything is okay."
                          
"It's... my birthday," I forced out between sobs. Talking made breathing harder. I gasped. I can't breathe. Air came inside of my lungs at an uneven rate. I think I'm going to pass out. "It's my birthday... and Annie... she isn't... she isn't here." 
                          
I passed out.