40: I love you.

                                    

                                          
This is dedicated to Yoongi_Is_Bias, queencelamoon, vanillacream15, grayimagination02, imsabrinawasli, Lucielu17, gryffindorgirl29, xXOneGirlInLoveXx, Bangtan_Kookies, caratbliss, DyingStarsDontLie, and to you, reading this, thank you so much.
                          
♡
                          
"Hi, I'm Hansol! :) What's your name?"
Seolma. (No way.)
Remember you're just a fangirl. Potato is gone.
"O-oppa," you said, surprised.
He answered you with a broken smile only you would have recognized.
"W-what are you doing here?" You asked, gulping. Don't screw this up. "Did I forget anything?" 
Bitch. You forgot everything.
You watched as his face turned from slightly hurt to amused to gentle smiles again. You really have a way with words.
"Uhm, except everything, no, you did not forget anything." Sassy as ever, this man is.
"Are you feeling well now? Your head? Does it still hurt?"
It does but not more than how much it hurts to see him like this. Are you doing the right thing?
"Ye-yes. I'm quite okay."
"Can I talk to someone?"
"Uh-" You're not getting what he's trying to say. "My brother's inside the house. Would you like to come in for a while?" You asked him a bit loudly, your voice getting drowned in the midst of the roaring waves.
"I- No, not him." He replied as loud. You are not sure why the two of you struggle to talk in the middle of all the noise instead of going to a quieter place, but maybe the distance and the awkwardness and the whole situation is like that for a reason.
"Then who are you gonna talk to?" You replied in the same magnitude.
"My Potato."
His voice echoed in your head and suddenly everything was quiet. My Potato.
"I dunno if she's still there," he kept going, "but I wanted to try. Can you just listen? Just for a while? Please?"
Half of you wanted to pretend some more about how you don't know-know him, and to just reject his plea and run, but the other half fiercely wanted to say yes, that you would listen, that you would let him reach out to his Potato. 
To you.
                          
You did not move nor speak, so he started talking again. "Potato, nae anae. If you're there, I hope you're listening to me.
"When I- When I met you, I knew it in me that you're gonna be the one. You'll be the one to understand me. To keep up with my silence. To finally bring out my noise. 
"When I saw you kneel down to save that kid, I fell in love right away. I might not have known that in that moment, but now I do. Now, I do.
"I've made your last few months quite horrible, I know. I'm sorry, jinjja. I'm sorry for latching on to you. I'm sorry for wearing your patience thin all the time. I'm sorry for that prank. Thank you for standing up for me though. That meant a lot. That sealed the deal for me- that I would get hurt for you willingly. That any pain on my way wouldn't have mattered because it's for you.
"But it wasn't the case for us. It wasn't me who was hurt, it was you instead. It was you Inna focused on, instead of me. It was you who paid for the price I should've, and I am-
"I- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
"Potato, I love you. I love you so much. I would tell you that it doesn't hurt, but then I'd be lying. If you truly aren't there anymore, I hope you've gone knowing that I love you with all that I am, and thank you for accepting me. No matter what I lack, no matter how I couldn't protect you. I love you. I'm sorry my love wasn't enough.
"I know I deserve this but in our next life, and the ones after that, I hope you choose me again. I'll make it up to you. I swear our love would be enough.
"I'll look for you over and over again, and I'd make it up to you forever.
"I love you. Let's live away from each other for now. I hope you lead a good life, Y/N-ah. 
"I would always be sorry I could not protect you.
"Jeongmal saranghae." (I love you so much.)
                          
His voice broke at the last word, his knees giving way as well. He knelt on the sand for quite a long time, shoulders heaving from crying but you could hear no sob. 
You felt cold streaks on your face as the wind blew, and to no surprise, you felt tears there. 
The two of you stayed like that for minutes, no one daring to make a move. 
A few more minutes and passed and Vernon slowly brought himself back up. He was smiling again, like none of the past minutes have happened.
"Can I- Can I ask for a favor?"
"G-go on."
"Can I hug you?"
"O-okay."
At that very moment, he enveloped you within his arms, and that feeling you were craving ever since you woke up, it finally came.
More time flowed again but you didn't mind. As long as you have him, everything will be alright.
You felt him breaking the hug, but you held him back. 
You're so gonna regret this.
"Please- Please stay some more. I think I need this hug."
GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF Y/N- he was happy to oblige.
                          
More ticks on the clock and you loosened your embrace. He immediately let go of you. 
"Thank you. I know this all has been weird and awkward for you considering how you don't really remember me. I swear I'm a good person. You do know me, right?"
"Yeah. You're Hansol Chwe. Not Chew. Vernon of Seventeen."
"Yeah. I'm Vernon of Seventeen. Thank you, Y/N-ah. Byebye. I love you, nae Carat."
With a last kiss on your forehead, Hansol turned around and started walking away.
He is finally moving the opposite way as you, which was what you wanted, wasn't it?
He's finally removing himself in your life, like all that just happened never took place.
Like he never met you on that plane.
Like he never let you sleep on his shoulder.
Like he never stole that bunny keychain from your bag and wrote about it in the fancafe.
Like he never brought you on that bike ride around Gangnam.
Like he never bought you those caramel macchiatos. Or those cheeseburgers. Or the banana milks. Or the fries.
Like he didn't save you from that thief.
Like he didn't gave you that monkey stuff toy to remind you that he is your banana.
Like he never saw you half naked and got angry at you for it.
Like he never followed you up to that rooftop and cheered you up after you got homesick.
Like he never sang for you.
Like he never held that umbrella so you won't get wet, at the expense of him getting colds.
Like he never broke curfew rules just for you, just because he worried about you having nightmares.
Like he never managed to be the only person who could calm you down after your panic attacks.
Like he never washed those dishes with you. Or said your ramen was great. Or that your toast was the best.
Like he never judged your 'sad songs' playlist.
Like he never told you how beautiful you are, how kind, how you saved him from crawling back to his hole, as he saved you from going through your dark past over and over.
Like he never accepted you and your dark past, the sad you, the imperfect you.
Like he never told you he'd wait for you forever, like he never read your mind and eased you of all your worries.
Like he never loved you, as you loved him.
                          
Hansol is finally walking away, like how you wanted it in the first place.
Your tears began to fall helplessly, as you whispered to his fading figure, "I love you, too, so much."
With the last strands of hope in your heart, you called these words out to the wind, into the sea, wishing for even just a drop to make its way to his cheek, your very last kiss.
                          
It has been the best months of my life, my love. I promise to choose you again, in our next life, and in the next ones after that.
                          
I love you.
                          
¤~*×♡×*~¤
                          
End