outro

                                    

                                          
It's been three months since I said to him that I love someone else, but it wasn't true all those years that he'd gone missing there's no one, no one that ever replaced his place to me not even Jungkook that has been there in my side when I was at my lowest. Even though it is better for me to love him than to stay and wait for someone I'm not sure of, but my stupid heart still choose to beat for someone magnificent, someone who's so dear that I didn't even deserve to have. And I lost him, maybe this time for real.
                          
I still can't forget how he smiled ever so weakly at me that moment I lied to him, how his eyes loses it's shine, how he tried so hard to bite back all his tears that slowly and painfully skipping his beautiful but broken eyes. How he just walk pass by me without any word or any last glance. And from that all I can remember is how the others shout for his name and how Hoseok came to me asking me what had happened, I remembered how angry he sounds but then softened as he sees me breaking down.
                          
I wanted to run after him and tell him I'd lied, that he's still the one, that I'm so so so in love with him, still in love with him. But I'm tired, too tired to even try to fix everything back to it's places. I'm still mad at him for just leaving me here alone. And coming back like nothing had happened, and expecting me to be happy to see him again, I am happy to see him alive again but I'm hurt that he didn't even make me feel that he came back for me, and seeing him with Hoseok was like a massive wrecking balls that crashed every hope in me. I know, I know they're still engaged, I know he'll choose Hoseok over me but I'm hoping, still hoping that he'll choose me. But maybe fate isn't really on our side, won't ever.
                          
Those five years was nothing compare to this three months, because I know that he's here already, that he's alive, that he's back but I can't do anything than to accept that everything in us was already done, had been done even before he left, that everything in us can't be back to it's original but why are we trying to get to it's original that is already broken, ruin and so far from fixing. Why can't we just create a new one? In which we can be happy and forget all those pains, heartbreaks, betrayal that had been done? Why can we just admit to ourselves that we need each other? Why are we hurting so much? Why we keep on lying just to get back to each others wrongs? Why am I being like this? This is not us, this is not me.
                          
Why did we gave up too soon? Why you didn't fight back when I tell you that I'm going to marry someone else that is not you? Why did you just walk out again in my life? Aren't you supposed to win me back? To try harder to get me back? But why Tae? Why did you just accept it easier than I thought. Or maybe you really just don't want me back that's why. Yeah that's why.
                          
Or maybe it was just me, maybe if I just lower my pride that time, maybe things will be easier, maybe right now we are already arranging our marriage or maybe we are already on our honeymoon. But why did I lied again to you? Why did my hateful pride always gets the best of me when it comes to you? Why does my stupid mind says that? Why did I push you away? I'm sorry, I was really hurt to even think that maybe you're trying to get me back, and that you have all the rights to leave me at the first place.
                          
But is it too late now? Is it really too late now to fix everything? Can we at least try for the last time and let's see if this will work. And if don't I promise to try harder to get everything not to crumble down again. Please? Let's just keep on trying to hold this up together. Because I can't really live without you, no I can't and don't want to.
                          
Those five years is enough for you to be gone, and if right now you'd be gone for good. I'm not even sure myself if i can keep my sanity, because even now just the thought of you leaving me was already driving me crazy. So i'm begging you to just try it. Let's try it. And if fate comes around again to separate us, please just stay put because I believe we will be able to save it maybe this time.
                          
Cause never in my life that I will be ready to let you go.

                          
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It's the end guys, I'm sorry if it wasn't the ending that you wanted to have but I like it that way, it's not too happy but not too sad. And thank you so much for all the reads, love lots guys! Thank you again! xo