The road to a broken heart

                                    

                                          
(Will be emotional)
                          
No. No. Fuck. Just no. God no. I pulled away from Mark very slowly. I had to back up with caution, one foot behind the other. I fidgeted with my hands. My eyes began to water. My body became hot. My face grew red. I felt like I couldn't breathe, my chest closed up very tightly. My heart was pounding so loud I'm sure all of America could hear it. (Sorry if you don't live in America The story just takes place here) 
I wanted to scream. I fucking hated myself. Why the hell would I do this to myself? Mark noticed something was off and walked toward me. I backed up even more and almost fell backwards into the pool. I couldn't move anymore, my heels were slightly hanging off the edge of the pool. "Y/N are you okay? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I did, I thought we were having fun;" I inhaled and exhaled the best I could. My eyes were glued to my feet, everything becoming blurry as a tear fell down and hit my toe. "But..Wait, Y/N are you crying? I thought we were having fun Y/N what happened?" He was standing a foot away from me. His soft hands lifted up my chin, forcing my now bloodshot eyes to stare into his. "Um..No, Mark I'm okay. I ju-just realized something that's all.." He pulled me into him. Our breathing synced, our hearts raced in unison. He didn't believe me, that was obvious. He stepped back from the pool, causing me to step away from it as well. He gently kissed my head and let go, just enough to stare into my eyes again. "Y/N, you're not okay..what's wrong?" I froze up. I didn't know what to say. How would I admit to my teacher..a man who declared multiple times it was only sex, that I had fallen head over heels for him? Even worse, it's been like a week! Not even! I've never fallen this quickly. In fact, he was my first love. I'm used to having slight feelings for someone, but they grow overtime. It takes months for me to be even half this vulnerable. I felt so stupid. How could I fall for someone within a few days? It's like I was coming out of some cheesy fan fiction. (Hehe) this isn't possible. It couldn't be. I tried to convince myself it was only lust. But it wasn't. My knees began to shake, my lip quivered and warm tears fell down my face, burning my cheeks. "Mark.." I pulled away. I couldn't look at him. I turned away and put my face in my hands, running them above my forehead and gripping my hair. "I-I-" My breathing hitched and my voice trailed off. I opened my mouth and nothing came out. I tried mouthing words but couldn't move. He came up behind me and wrapped his hands around my waist. He went to kiss my neck and I pulled away. "Mark..d-don't touch me..I-I have to go-" he let go and his eyes became worrisome. "Y/N tell me what's going on? Sure, it's just sex, but you can still talk to me." Just sex. Just sex. Just sex. My mind repeated that, and before I knew it, I spit this out. "That's exactly what it is Mark! Just sex! To you it is, but I've fallen completely in love with you!" I put my hands over my mouth in shock. I was appalled. Flabbergasted. I didn't mean to say it, it just came out. I turned around slowly, he was just looking at me. He didn't move. He just stood there. "I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to-" "Y/N...I care about you I do..but this is just sex remember? I don't think-Y/N I don't-" I released my hands from my mouth. That's all I needed to hear. "Oh." I couldn't even say anything else. I just walked inside, grabbed my dress,(put it on of course) shoes, and clutch, and walked back downstairs. Mark was now on the couch, his hands in his hair with his head buried into his lap. I tried to be quiet but he heard my shuffling and looked up to me. His face was in pure distress. "Y/N..I'm so sorry-I just don't kn-" I didn't even let him finish. I knew what he was going to say. He didn't love me. At all. I was just his sex toy. I sighed. "Goodbye Mr Fishbach.." And with that I was out the door. 
                          
I left the apartment complex. I sat on a curb and had a mental breakdown. People walked by looking at me in concern but I drowned them out. I had no idea where I was. I didn't know how to get to Sam's. I didn't know how to get home. I was lost. I pulled out my phone and while shaking, typed Sam's number. I deleted it and gave up. I'd find a bus or something. I walked around for about 30 minutes before finding myself on a Main Street, with a bus stop across. I didn't even bother to look both ways, I just crossed. Sadly I made it without getting hit. To my luck, the bus pulled up. I walked in, not even bothering to pay and sat in a seat. The driver looked back, noticed my tears and didn't even say anything. Eventually the bus pulled over to the Street by the Dunkin' Donuts. I left the bus, still in tears and walked the few blocks. I came onto Sam's street, and decided it wasn't worth it. I was ready to deal with my dad. I just wanted to sleep. I passed her street and made my way down mine. My heart raced and my palms were sweaty. My knees were weak and my arms were heavy. (I had to throw an Eminem reference I had too oof)
                          
I managed to make my way to my door, slowly opened it and saw my dad on the couch. He was crying. I didn't see a beer anywhere. I continued in and his head shot up at me. He jumped off the couch and practically sprinted toward me. I was petrified but instead of hits, he pulled me into a hug. He started to sob. "Y/N! Babygirl I thought you would never come home. I'm so sorry. It took you to leave for me to realize I needed you. I haven't touched a beer since Yesterday. Please don't leave again" I slowly put my arms around him subconsciously doing so. "I-it's okay dad. I'm sorry too, I slept at a friends after getting wasted." He pulled away and wiped a tear. "It's not okay Y/N. For over 10 years I've beat you to release my pain. You don't have to forgive me..but..I won't ever do it again." I nodded and pulled him back into a hug. I really needed my dad right now, my true dad. Not my father. My dad. Anyone can be a father, but only some can be a dad. I sobbed too, holding him close. He looked at me and wiped my tear. "What's wrong?" I shook my head left and right. "N-nothing. I'm going to shower. I love you dad." He let go and gave a soft smile, his lip still quivering. "I love you too, Y/N" He's dome this before. He would apologize but he didn't mean it.
                          
I went upstairs. My heart felt shattered. I felt like I had just went on a journey down a road of broken hearts. I flopped onto my bed and screamed into a pillow. I was done. I was ready to give up. Over my teacher, who I've only known for a few days. Congratulations, Y/N. You let your guard down and slipped up.
                          
Before I knew it, I had cried myself to sleep.
                          
Ok thats it for this chapter! Sorry it's shorter than usual. Kind of a filler I guess? Anyway, I'll see you guys in the next chapter. Bye lovely's!