29 *Life*

                                    

                                          
*From Diana's point of view*
                          


                          
Yes, I noticed that Niall began to be absent. It was as if he no longer was interested in our wedding. It felt like he didn't want to go to church with me, but I sensed that it was my own ghosts as was talking.

                          
"You don't need to worry." Gemma said to me and she hugged me tightly. "Niall's your Prince Charming, and I know he would never leave you."
                          
I felt something different. We sat down at the table and there were so many things she didn't know about.
                          
"He misses Harry." I whispered hoarsely, looking up at her. Gemma at first became quiet, she didn't understand.
                          
"But you're Harry?"
                          
I smiled and shook my head.
                          
"No, I'm no longer Harry. You know very well that I put the past behind me when they removed my last part down there? I am Diana och I'm not Harry..."
                          
Gemma stretched over her hand across the table and put it over my hand.
                          
"Is that why you're worried?"
                          
I swallowed. Yes, I had told Niall that it was okay, that Harry was part of us, but that was a lie. That was a lie just because I wanted to forget my old self, but Niall wanted me back as Harry.
                          
"I think Niall's gay." I got up and met Gemma's gaze. I felt the tears coming and actually it was nice to show what I felt. "He prefers a man before a woman. I bought toys to us just for him to get to feel that part sometimes."
                          
Gemma got big eyes and her mouth dropped open.
                          
"Are you serious?"
                          
I nodded and blushed at the same time.
                          
"I'm not going to show you the box and you don't have anything to do with that part, but I thought it was a good thing for him. I thought that maybe he can get all the things he wants, because I think he loves me deep down inside."
                          
She swallowed. Yes, it was a lot of information for a sister.
                          
"He loves you." but her voice sounded just silly. "Please Diana, Niall love you. I've seen him smiling at you and looking at you in that way, and I know he's happy with you."
                          
I looked down at the table, at all cutouts from magazines and I felt hopeless.
                          
"No, I don't think he has feelings for me, not like before."
                          
Yes I used sex as a weapon. I thought that if I was crazy enough and tried new things every time, Niall would never get tire. I was sure that my imagination would allow him to never take things for granted. It was wrong of me to do so, but I thought I could do it all for the better.

                          
****
                          
Niall came home late, as usual. He went straight up and showered before he came into the kitchen. I stood at the table and I tried to smile.
                          
"That took time?"
                          
Niall smiled as if it was a stupid question, and he slid down on one of the kitchen chairs.
                          
"Freddy needed to talk. His mother died."
                          
Okay, that sounded like a good explanation. I nodded tired and leaned myself back against the kitchen counter. I looked straight at him. Maybe I wanted to see signs that he loved me? Maybe I wanted him to lie to me? I was looking for something, but I had no idea for what.
                          
"Freddy feeling good now?" I asked, "I mean, you must have talked for hours?"
                          
Niall looked up at me and he seemed tired.