(32) Stay Omega Stay

                                    

                                          
          
                          
Chapter 32.
                          
Lilura scoffed, crossing her arms and standing up from her bed. She shook her head at me, and I could tell she wasn't angry. There was something else that was circling through her head but I couldn't understand what. She was biting her thumbnail, something I noticed she did when she didn't want to do something.
                          
"Lily you need to do this before I hurt someone else," I asked, watching her as she crossed the room. "Once my memory is gone, I can get better. It's the only solution because I don't want to kill anyone else if I see them as something else."
                          
"I won't." She turned to look at me, her dark brown eyes staring at me. "You can't just fix this by having me take your memory."
                          
"Take, what do you mean to take?" I asked looking at her strangely. "You mean erase right?"
                          
"Penny you can't just erase a memory, it needs to go somewhere." She sighed, grabbing her dark hair and pulling it. "Taking seventeen years of pain and misery, and the death fo you brother can't just disappear. Plus, what if you wanted it back?"
                          
"I will never want it back anyway." I snapped, my desperation starting to show. "Erase my memories, now."
                          
"I can but I won't." She argued. "You not wanting to kill people and having insanity issues can't be the only reason." I gave her a look and raised my eyebrow at her. "Okay you have a fair point, but Lucian said he would take care of you."
                          
"That's not enough."
                          
"The answer is no Penny, let it go."
                          
"Lily..." I trailed off.
                          
"I said no." Her face showed me a side of her that terrified me, and I instantly took a step back.
                          
"I will give you until the end of the day to finalize this decision," I told her, pointing a finger in her direction. "Think real hard about how this could impact the lives of others if my memory was gone and I was just a normal girl who had a normal werewolf life with her mate."
                          
"You wouldn't be yourself if I did that."
                          
"Then pick something that could lessen my pain." A tear fell down my cheek and I furiously wiped it away. "Think about how much I need this."
                          
I turned away from her as I stood up, not even glancing her way. I have known her practically my entire life. She knew the way I thought and she saw me change into the person I have become. There was a time in my life where suddenly I went mad, and perhaps there was a way for her to fix me. There had to be or else I was going to be forced to live this dreadful life for the rest of my existence.
                          
I wanted some type of normal, even if it wasn't real. I wanted to know what it felt like to actually feel peace and comfort. There was no chance of me having that with all of the magic and death that surrounded me. I couldn't even think about what normal life was like. There was no such thing in my vocabulary because for me it was impossible. That is, until now.
                          
I had spent my entire beginning of life tormented by Ayana. Every night I had cried myself to sleep, hoping my guardian angel would come into my dreams so I would have some sort of entertainment. I wanted to sleep at any given chance I had, but even those weren't something I could have anymore. I didn't need to have Lilura enter my dreams because now my reality was something completely different.
                          
All my life I had hoped for a family that would one day love me, and I had ruined it. Lilura knew how badly I wanted to find my family, and she knew how badly I wanted to be worthy of them. There were times when Lilura wasn't giving me my lessons and we would just talk about the things spiraling in my mind. She would talk to me as if I was the only one who knew all her secrets and vise-versa. She was someone I could rely on for guidance, and now asking her for help and not receiving it, broke my, heart. I thought she would understand.