180712

                                    

                                          
My beautiful Jungoo,
                          
It's been 1 month.
1 month and not even 1 week, 1 day, 1 minute without thinking about you. I feel so empty. It feels like my soul have left my body. Like my heart has stopped beating. Like someone dragged my life out of myself.
I look up at the sky sometimes. You still remember that place we used to sit by and watch the stars late at night, right? I remember that one constellation you liked, Capricornus. How can I ever forget that?
"It looks like a heart, I think about us when I see it." You used to say, with your heartwarming eye smile. I still see that heart through my window sometimes, late at night when I can't sleep. 
I miss you. I miss how you used to kiss my ear whenever I couldn't fall asleep. I miss how you used to back hug me whenever I felt nervous. I miss how you always ordered fast food to both of us and how we ate together on the couch in front of the TV. I miss how you always showered me with love whenever I had a rough day. I miss how we played over watch together from late nights to early mornings. Now there's no one I can play with, no one that can love me like you did, no one I can eat with in front of the TV, no one that can hug me from behind when I feel anxious, no one that can kiss my ear and hug me till I fall asleep. Instead I cry myself to sleep, I'm having panic attacks constantly, I don't eat anything, I hate myself and I don't think I'll be able to play games ever again. 
I listen to that video you sent me last year all the time. When you're singing your favourite song, all of my life. Park Won was a big inspiration in your life, I think I understand why. 
                          
I don't know how much longer I can keep myself going. I'll keep fighting for you.
I love you so much, 
                          
Only yours Taehyung