I'm gonna deck that little bitch

                                    

                                          
"Burgers comin' through!"
"Uh, Lip, napkins."
"I can get it," Karen says as she starts to get up.
"Oh, no, no, no, you sit."
"Only ketchup?" Fiona asks. I raise my hand.
"Thank you," I whisper as Fiona hands me my burger.
"Extra onions, jalapenos."
"Me!"
"Make room."
"Ah-ah-ah! After you finish your shake and fries." Fiona says to Carl, as she slaps him on the back of the head.
"Who's this?" V asks as she sits down.
"It's Karen," Lip says.
"Hey, Karen, Nice top. What size are you?" V says, trying to make conversation.
"Shh! Shut up!" Fiona quiets everyone so we can watch the TV show.
"...on a spot called Mr. Magoo, the sacred family fishing grounds that paid off last season. But now... ...it's a bust."
"We have no crab onboard. I heard, 'Don't go to Magoo,' 'cause there are hundreds...'" Finish him! ...been fishing for 36 hours and haven't made a frickin' dime yet. We're getting, like, 150 crabs..." We hear the door slam behind us, indicating that someone just walked in. We all turn around to see Frank covered in blood.
"Whoa! You okay, Frank?" Steve asks
"Hey. Is that my shirt?" Ian asks Frank.
"Yeah."
"I-I'm just asking," Ian says, backing up in fear. Frank punches Ian in the face. Carl shoves me behind him, just in case.
"Whoa!" Steve yells.
"Guy in the bar said to pass it on." Frank spits.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Frank!" Steve yells.
"Jesus Christ, Frank!" Fiona yells out. 
"You're drunk, Frank, you're drunk!" Steve points out. Duh. Everyone kinda figured by the way he came in here. 
"This-this is drunk?" Frank stutters.
"Stop it, okay, Steve?" Fiona says.
"You want to see drunk?" Frank continues.
"Don't do this to your kids, Frank," Steve warns.
"Aw, what are you, a tough guy, Steve? You think you're a fuckin' tough guy? Because you look like a premenstrual Filipino!"
"Steve, go! Get out! Hey, just go." Fiona starts to push Steve out of the house.
"He's shitting his pants. Pussy."
"You're pathetic, Frank. Get out now! I mean it!"
"Come on. Don't go. Come on. Puss, puss, puss, puss. What? Do you want to say something, pussy? Mr. Joe fucking... Ah, get the... Pussy."
"Ice. It's a bloody nose." V tells Lip, as she examines Ian.
"He's not dying."
"Really, Frank?" V gives him the do not fuck with me look.
"Anybody notice that I'm bleeding?"
"...over the Bering Sea, a 200-square-mile arctic squall collides with the grounds, and fishing... (sighs) It got it." The TV plays as we tend to Ian.
                          
The next morning, everyone starts coming down for breakfast.
"Any pizza left from last night?" Carl asks as he opens the fridge.
"No pizza. Fruit or juice. And we've got eggs. OJ's in the top, grapes in the bottom drawer.
"Pop-Tarts, Frosted Flakes, Bisquick, Heinz Ketchup, and ooh, ooh... even got a couple two-for-ones for Tide," I shout out the list of coupons for the week.
"Any coupons for meat?" Fiona asks.
"Yeah, they've got a special on ground chuck at Costco and Hot Pockets."
"That's great. We'll go tomorrow."
"Lip, you seen Frank?" Fiona asks as he walks down the stairs.
"Uh, no. What day is it?
"Friday. Why?"
"Hey. Morning, campers." Steve says, barging through the back door. I look down and continue couponing because I still don't like Steve. There's just something off about him. Plus, you know. The whole older man thing.
"Oh, what you got?"
"Jelly, plain and glazed." I continue to eat my banana and cereal. I like to stay healthy. Plus, big strange older man. Offering food. Not a good combo. Last time I took food from someone I didn't know, my legs were numb for 8 months.
"Save me an apple fritter."
"All right."
"Anne?" I look up. Steve looks down at me. "You can have some if you want." I shook my head and continued with the banana. Steve looks to Carl to see him licking the yolk of his eggs.
"Bet you hate it when that happens?" Steve asks.
"They're his tits. It's the only reason he eats eggs. And he just licked that one." Debbie replies.
"Oh, great. I'm trying to get them to eat a healthy breakfast." Fiona says
"I brought all the essential morning food groups: caffeine, sugar, lard. Besides. One of your kids decided to stick to a healthy breakfast." Steve says, talking about me.
"Has anybody seen Dad?" Fiona asks. I shook my head.
"He was asleep behind the armchair." We all walk into the living room and look behind the chair.
"It's a tent. Why is there a tent in the living room?" Fiona questions.
"Oh, uh, drying it out. ROTC training in Wisconsin next week." Ian says.
"I thought it was Dad. I left him a cup of coffee this morning. I thought I heard him say 'Thanks.'"
"Yes! Yes! Oh, sorry. I came in the back way." V yells from the kitchen.
Oh, you're not the only one!" Kev jokes, also coming into the house.
"Kev, was Dad at the Alibi last night?" Fiona asks.
"Uh, yeah. But he was hammered. I'm talking hold-on-to-the-grass... so-you-don't-fall-off-the-Earth hammered."
"You see him at last call?"
"No. Which is pretty weird, 'cause he usually hangs out to sink the other drinkers' dregs."
"Thanks."
"Ready?" V asks Kev. They leave through the front of the house.
"You okay?" Steve asks. 
"I think Dad's missing," Fiona replies.