CH 38: Together at Last

                                    

                                          
BEAM'S POV
                          
Did he just call me stupid? I think these are reasonable questions I'm trying to ask. Although, I admit it's kind of hard to think about them with his tongue invading my mouth, battling with mine. 
                          
He's kissing me to shut me up, but even so I can't stop myself from responding. Apparently, my body doesn't seem to care that I'm irritated with him right now, as the hunger roars to life wanting to be fed. Lucky for me I fed earlier so I can resist. Well, not right away, but after a minute or two I can. Damn he's a good kisser. I think he's trying to suck the life out of me with his kisses. Doesn't he know that's my job.
                          
After finally scraping enough will power together, I press my hands to his chest, and surprise him by shoving him away from me. He falls onto the bed, and I give him an irritated look as I state, "We need to be talking right now not kissing." 
                          
Standing back up, he replies, "I disagree. I think kissing is a much better idea." Reaching his hand out, he cups my cheek and runs his thumb under my eye, "Besides you need to feed again. You're not back to 100% yet."
                          
Slapping his hand away, I turn my back on him and run my fingers through my hair in frustration, "How can you be so calm about this?" I growl out.
                          
His arms wrap around me, pulling my back tightly to his front, "Bee, I can be calm about this because..." He pauses and takes a deep breath then turns me to face him. "I can be calm because I'm glad it happened. I'm thrilled actually because I love you. I've loved you for the last year, but you've kept me at arm's length. You think I've been teasing you, but I haven't. I just haven't been able to tell you because I was afraid you'd push me further away, and I thought I'd rather have your friendship than nothing from you at all."
                          
As he lays all his cards on the table, he watches me intently. While he spoke, I could feel how much he meant every word he said and now that he's quiet I can feel his unease as he waits for my reaction. 
                          
He's right, I always believed he was teasing me. I thought he was joking around at my expense because of what I am, and I kept him at arm's length because I didn't want to ruin our friendship either. I guess we're both stupid.
                          
Not knowing whether to punch him for never seriously saying anything about this or kiss him for finally saying something, I simply stand there and contemplate my options. However, he takes my inaction for his answer as his hands fall away from my shoulders and his face falls in resignation.
                          
"It's fine, Bee. Don't pressure yourself. I knew it was a long shot, so forget I said anything. Ok? We can be just friends. And don't worry about eating, I'll always be here when you need me." He mumbles rubbing the back of his neck as he stares at the floor.
                          
"No."
                          
"No what?" He asks focusing on me nervously.
                          
"No, I don't want to be friends."
                          
"Oh." He says quietly as misery rolls off him in waves. He tries to turn away, but I grab his arm and jerk him back to face me. 
                          
"I don't want to be friends anymore, because I... I..." He's staring at me hopelessly, but the words to make myself better understood won't form in my mind. "Fuck it! Just come here." I yell, jerking his head down and planting a scorching kiss on him.
                          
Now the shoe is on the other foot as it takes him a minute to recover from his surprise and kiss me back, but before long he's fighting with me for control. When the need to breathe becomes impossible to ignore we break apart, both heavily panting.
                          
He's staring at me with questions in his eyes, but the only word that comes out of his mouth is my name, "Bee?"
                          
Thankfully the right words to explain finally bubble up out of me, "I never wanted to use you as just a meal, that's why I pushed you away. You're more important to me than that. You make me nervous and angry and excited all at the same time, but I'll be honest with you... I don't know if that's love because I've never felt it before. Right now, I know that I care about you more than anyone else and that I want to be with you. Can that be enough for you for now?"