Is this a fairytale

                                    

                                          

Pringles was my next boyfriend. His real name is Pablo but I always called him Pringles because he came to school eating a different type of pringle. You know if you say pringle to much it starts to sound weird. Such an awkward word. Although awkward his also and awkward thing to say as well. Awkward, awkward, awkward oh now it just sounds weird. Awkward, awkward, pringles! Oh that was fun. But not as much fun me and Pringles had. He was probably the 2nd best at doing it because he always came prepared. Whenever I went to his house he always had at least 4 dildos in his room and his mom and dad own a sex swing. And wooooooooh! Fuck me. Not literally of course. Unless you w-want t-to. Oh no wait young people might be reading this. Ok just forget I said. But Pringles did actually do it to me when I said that. One time when we were enjoying ourselves on his mom and dads sex swing he said to me that I had three wishes. 
Well my first wish was for Pringles to do this everyday with me. Well not everyday. Every half an hour. But that wish didn't come true.
My second wish was for this carpet I saw in this shop. It looked magical and also I could just imagine me and Pringles doing something erotic on it. Now that's what carpets are actually used for. 
My third wish was for Pringles not to move to Spain. His dad got a job there well 3 jobs there. Two by his wife and the other one was just a regular job. On that last day I realised I was his Jasmine and he was my Aladdin. Now apparently he is with a Spanish boy named...Fuck it I'm not even telling because he does not deserve to be in my story. Or is this a story that is this real. Nope it's still a story. Shame. That was the end of Pringles 
                          
Once upon a time lived a magical prince who would give you anything that you wanted. But sometimes he gave you to much. For example ask for two kisses and you end up getting twenty two. So he was a bit eager for attention so he was basically like a dog. Except woman are like dogs because if they throw up that will just eat up and pretend nothing happened. Whilst men are like cats they throw up play around in it and look at the dog a just acts like. It's not my mess you clean it up. That my story on how guys are like cats. And the ladies are like dogs. Anyway back to the story before I get carried away. Oh that reminds me of this movie I saw yesterday. Carrie. Yeah interesting... oh shit I went of track again. Anyway one time when we were having a sleep over he started to kiss me whilst I was asleep. And immediately get up and ask him "does it like I've been cursed. With a curse to make me sleep forever." So after that I packed my stuff and left because I couldn't sleep with a person who starts to kiss you when you are trying to effing sleep. Besides he was shit at grinding on me. Literally even a man with a fake dick that was broken could do better. Wait can you get fake dicks. Hold on. GOOGLE! 
                          
30 minutes later 
                          
Turns out you can. Wow you learn a new thing every day like yesterday I learnt that coco cola is actually dark brown. So yeah back to Prince Phillip (if you don't know this prince. He the one from sleeping beauty). So I left him by saying "do I look like your practice dummy". 
                          
My next boyfriend. Wait which number are we on. I really should of numbered them. Bahhh! Who gives a shit about some whinny assholes. Carter was my twel... eleventh no that's not correct... fourteen...SHIT! Yep I don't remember. Anyway carter was nice boy who would treat me like a queen. We met in our dance class. And for two months he was my boyfriend. He'd come other. We would watch a movie. And maybe a little treat would appear whilst we watched the movie. However one night we had dinner together. It was like heaven. And then I found out single he told me single my ass. He had seven men. One of those dwarfs you know. Well later that day I fixed him a drink and I told him to come to mine in his most expensive clothes he owned. Which was of cause a super dry hoodie and some joggers. So later I pour his drink all other his clothes and slapped him with the back of my hand. He deserved it  for sleeping with seven dwarfs. Also they weren't actually dwarfs they were just very small. So we broke up. And I told him to get himself and his stick and two poisonous apples out of my house. 
                          
Ben was an innocent boy who was ready for anything. But one thing he wasn't ready for was doing it. I always tried to make him do it just for me but he was to scared. Whenever he said no I kind of always got a little mad. I think I even locked him in the bathroom until he would say yes but he some how escaped through the window. Whenever I saw him he always stayed away from me. But I don't know why. Also he turned mental talking to objects like his alarm clock or his moms china cups. He was a little crazy but I made it up to him to him by going on a date with him. But im pretty sure 100% of him was high on drugs because he kept on singing. 
                          
"Be our guest, be our guest
  Put our service to the test
  Tie your napkin 'round your neck, cherie
  And we'll provide the rest
  Soup du jour, hot hors d'oeuvres
  Why, we only live to serve
  Try the grey stuff, it's delicious
  Don't believe me, ask the dishes"
Or something different. Who knows. Not me. After we had dinner we went to this weird club. It was called Purple... Purple something... Purple Lights... No, no that's that's not correct. Wait is it. Purple something. We'll just call it Purple something. When me and Ben arrived he started seeing things because he kept on saying he saw a teapot singing. After he said he saw a piano playing by itself I knew I had to leave because he would end up giving me some of the stuff he took so I just ran out of there a soon as possible. And I ended it by text. And I've never seen or heard from  him since that night. 
                          
THE END 








                          
Next chapter coming out tomorrow