"I really need to take a crap," Martha said as she speed walks through Walmart.
"Oh shut up Martha, you've held it longer before," Betty replied as they walk over self checkout to pay for the earbuds and Polaroid camera that Martha desperately wanted.
Martha stands there searching for her wallet as she does a small potty dance. Betty just stares at her like she's an idiot. Martha looks up with a slightly worried expression.
"I don't have my wallet. I left it at home," Martha says a little worried. Betty stares at her and then sighs.
Betty closes her eyes annoyed and starts looking for her wallet while saying, "Martha this is the millionth time! I'll have to rob a bank again because you're going make me go broke!" Betty exclaimed.
Martha just shrugs with a small sly smirk and says, "Oops."
A minute later Betty lets out an aggravated sigh and says, "I don't have my wallet either." They stare at each other for a few moments. Then, Martha's eyebrow goes up as she skews her head towards the doors making a suggestion to make a run for it. Betty stares at the electronic doors as she assesses the option.
"I'll go get the car ready. You bag the items and when you hear a honk you make a run for it. Run as fast as your metal hips can carry you!" Betty says in a hushed excited voice as she leaves to get the car.
A couple minutes pass and Martha bags up the items and readies herself to make a run for it. A loud honk could be heard and Martha knew it was now or never. She spots the bag checker by the door and bolts right past him.
The bag checker looks at Martha and then yells, "HEY OLD LADY GET BACK HERE! HOW CAN YOU RUN SO FAST YOUR LIKE 100!?!" Martha hears him but ignores him until she gets into Betty's magenta Bentley.
Right before Betty speeds off Martha rolls down the window with an empty coke bottle and throws it at the bag checkers head and yells, "HOW'S THIS FOR A 100 YEARS OLD?!? LEARN TO RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!" She finishes as she rolls up the window. Betty just glances at her and laughs.
After a few minutes of driving Martha breaks the silence, "Betty I still have to take a crap." Betty sighs loudly and pulls into the nearest house.
"Crap behind that tree in their front yard. If they come out you finish up and I'll blame it on a dog," Betty says as Martha nods taking a roll of toilet paper with her. This is a regular occurrence so they keep toilet paper on hand.
Only but 3 minutes later a cop drives up and yells, "Stop what you're doing! You will be taken to jail for this!" Martha quickly wipes, grabs the toilet roll, and jumps into the Bentley with Betty right behind her.
"STEP ON IT!" Martha yells as they begin a car chase. The cop turns his sirens on and tries to keep up with Betty's speeding Bentley.
"Hey, Martha you remember when we had our first get away from the cops? This brings back memories," Betty recollected.
"It sure does," Martha says as they both sigh remembering the crazy memory.
Soon enough Martha and Betty escape the cop and make it back to Betty's mansion.
"You going to stay for a bit Martha?" Betty asks.
Martha just shrugs, "I'm gonna take a crap and then leave." She shrugs and makes her way to the nearest bathroom.
Betty shakes her head in disbelief and says under her breath, "You and your bowel movements."
~Emily
YOU ARE READING
Martha and Betty
Humor"PUT YOUR DAMN CLOTHES ON, HO!" Martha yelled at Betty. "CATCH ME IF YOU CAN, BITCH!" Betty screamed running off. "STOP! PUT YOUR HAND IN THE AIR!" The police screamed. "AND WAVE THEM LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE!" Martha and Betty yelled in unison...
