It was wrong, he knew that, it was wrong, he couldn't be feeling like this, it was wrong. It felt like falling, falling down somewhere, and he knew falling was bad.
But he liked it. He liked falling.
He liked staring while they were in job reunions, he liked staring while they walked towards their classrooms; he liked being close when the halls were full, so they had to squish in the small space they had left; he liked when they touched wither it was accidental or intentional, he liked when they told each other their problems, he liked going every once in a while to the bar together, he liked going shopping together to buy hair dye.
He liked Josh, but it was wrong.
-I'm a married man- He said to Dallon, who was listening to his little breakdown in the middle of work—I can't have feelings for him-
-Tyler, we both know you don't love Jenna, you having feelings for someone was just a matter of time—
-But not now!- Tyler put his head on his hands, groaning miserably while he slid on the floor, his shirt riding up against the cold marble wall of the hall they were in—she's pregnant! I should be excited, waiting for the baby with her, not having feelings for a man- He looked at Dallon, who slid next to him and put a hand on his shoulder.
-You can't deny it anymore, Tyler, you're not supposed to be a straight man who lives happily with his wife and a child, you're—
-Don't- Tyler cut him before he could finish the sentence, knowing what he was going to say, knowing the next word that would come out of his mouth—I'm not that- Dallon groaned, taking his hand out of his shoulder.
-Why don't you like that word? It's a sexual orientation, not some kind of cursed word-
-Because I'm not that-
-Or are you not supposed to be that?- Tyler went silent, it was true, he was supposed to not like Josh, he was supposed to love Jenna, but he knew he didn't feel that way, that what he was supposed to feel was what he not—look, you need to accept your reality, that you don't love your wife, that you're—He gave a pause, re thinking his words—that you love a man, and that you won't be able to hold it longer-
-I have a baby coming, Dallon, I can't divorce my wife to go out with a man, I can't do that to the baby-
-You're making it sound like you're going to sacrifice the baby to the gods or something like that- Dallon exaggerated, making Tyler laugh—we work with teenagers, we heard a thousand times the story of kids that were born in a divorced family, and they're okay, they're happy, for some both of their parents take care of them, for others, only one, but they are happy- He sounded sincere, and he truly was sincere, there were so many kids that talked about how they were going to pass the weekend with their dad or how they were going to spend the summer with their mom in her new house in Canada or London—you're not going to risk your own happiness for someone's that hasn't even been born, Tyler, you're going to be so unhappy if you keep living like this-
He was right, he couldn't keep up, he was barely keeping it before Josh appeared, and now that he had, he was only hanging in a loose thread that was destined to break at any moment.
-I don't want to fall-
-You already fell- He said sincerely—but you're trying to not let it show. But the truth is sliding through your fingers and now you can't go back- He sighed—I have known you for years, I know when you're happy, and the way your eyes spark when you see Josh...I haven't seen you like that in years-
-But, I'm cheating on my wife-
-Well then, what're you waiting? Let yourself choose something for once and be happy, don't tie yourself to someone that doesn't make you happy-
YOU ARE READING
Self-Titled || Joshler ||
FanfictionTyler is an unhappy man with the perfect life, then he meets someone that changes that all. Joshler AU based off the Twenty One Pilots self-titled album. Cover by @lancenature
