48. Revelations - Part Seven

                                    

                                          


                          
a/n: I update every week btw. so expect updates every week. no sooner. next update will be may 23rd mostly likely at nighttime. 
                          
reminder: requests are closed
                          
warnings: angst anGST ANGST, language, brief brief panic attack
                          


                          
Peter couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with him.
                          
He knew, of course. He knew his reasoning for everything he did. It was often that he acted impulsively, and while this seemed like one of those times, it actually wasn't. He had thought it through since he became Spider-Man and since Ben died.
                          
He knew he would break his soulmates heart, he had known for a year, but that knowledge still didn't make it any easier when he saw the look on your face.
                          
He deserved to feel pain for hurting you, he knew that. He deserved worse, in fact, especially since he did it twice. He had hurt you twice, the second time definitely being more painful than the last. There would be no easy way to come back from this.
                          
Would it have been easier if his soulmate was someone random he met on the street? Maybe. He had known you for a while and developed feelings for you even before he knew the universe had set you two together, and he still chose to reject it. He truly believed he had to, if it meant protecting you both.
                          
But the look on your face when he practically jumped out of your window would haunt him forever. Ever since he said the words I can't, his tattoo felt like it was stinging, there was a sharp pain in his chest, and he didn't know if it would go away.
                          
Soulmates weren't meant to not be together. Was this what it felt like for May when Ben died? Would he feel this way if you died, or would it be even worse?
                          
That brought him back to the reason he left you. For the reason of keeping you safe and keeping both of you from going through the pain if either of you died. He didn't think it would hurt like this to leave you, even if it was for what he considered a good reason.
                          
But he didn't know if it was worth it anymore.
                          
Peter didn't bother to be quiet when he shoved his window open, his hands shaking and he slammed it shut behind him. He threw his suit on his bed, ripping his mask off and trying to calm down. 
                          
"Peter?" He flinched at his aunt's voice coming from the living room. "Is that you?"
                          
"Yeah!" He yelled back, wincing when his voice sounded off. Of course it did, he already had tears in his eyes and he couldn't stop his stupid hands from shaking or the pain tugging at his chest-
                          
"What happened?" May's voice caused him to come out of it, even if only a little. She was standing by his door, her expression softening when she saw her nephew's appearance. "Oh, honey."
                          
"I messed up, I messed up," he ran a hand threw his hair, tugging a bit at the strands, "May, I messed up so badly."
                          
"Hey," she pulled his hands from his hair, trying to make eye contact, "You need to breath, Pete. You need to calm down for me, okay?"
                          
He just shook his head, his eyes watering even more, "I can't, I-I didn't want to-"
                          
"Peter," she cupped his face, "I'm sure whatever happened can be dealt with. You need to relax for me, can you do that? Everything will be okay."
                          
He shut his eyes, hating himself for even feeling hurt when he knew you were probably doing worse. He didn't deserve to be told it was okay, when he knew it wouldn't be.