Chapter 19

                                    

                                          
Evan didn't tell anyone about Ash, who he had agreed with the following morning when the two decided that the night before had meant nothing, and that it was just them fooling around. They deleted each other's number, and Evan was on his way.
                          
Not even when rumors surfaced about how Ash got fucked by some freshman, he faked his lack of knowledge. Evan faked everything, he loved it.
                          
But now, as Evan follows his friends as they make their way to school, in his senior year, Evan can feel his charade coming to end. All because of Jonathan.
                          
If someone had told him on that fateful day of freshman year that one day he was going to regret the things he did with Ash, he would've laughed. Yet, right now, he couldn't find anything funny about it.
                          
He had this feeling that he was finally going to get what he wanted, Jonathan. This sleepover was going to change everything. Evan wished he had a spare first kiss right about now, but he wasted it, because he's stupid. He wasted it on a senior who liked him and who he didn't like back. He wasted it, and it killed him.
                          
Still, though, all those things he had done, they were his ways of coping with the fact that Jonathan was so far out of reach, but to blame Jonathan felt wrong. He didn't make Evan do anything, he just existed. 
                          
"Evan? You good?" Evan hadn't realized he had spaced out until he realized he had stopped in the middle of their commute to school.
                          
"Sorry, I was thinking." He apologized with a smile, catching up in just a few seconds. "So, are you guys excited about this weekend? I hope nothing goes wrong." Evan felt nervous that Jonathan would think he was unlikable and that his friends were jerks and that he never wanted to talk to him again. Or that Tyler's parents were going to come home early and ruin everything. But, he faked another smile, which didn't even get a second glance.
                          
"Trust me, this sleepover is going to be great, you don't have to worry about any of our parents, and Jonathan is going to be there." Tyler smirks at him. "You should start practicing the move you're gonna make on him."
                          
Evan rolls his eyes, a trick he had pretty much mastered. "I don't know where you guys got this crazy idea that I like Jonathan, but could you cool it for a day?" Despite his fear of his friends knowing his true feelings, he fakes a light-hearted, almost joking tone, and his friends actually agree.
                          
"Alright fine, but if we catch you two doing something we're taking pictures!" Craig jokes without thinking about what he said. "I mean, like kissing and shit, not anything weird." He corrects himself as the group, including Evan, begins to laugh at the mistake he had made.
                          
--
                          
Friday, the day of the sleepover, seemed to roll around quicker than Evan had expected, and was surprised when he saw both Luke and Jonathan waiting for him at his locker. "Hey Jon." Was all Evan had said in greeting, smiling at the pair, opening his locker to deposit his textbooks since he wouldn't be needing them.
                          
"Hey Ev!" He greets happily before turning to Luke. "I'll text you later." The two friends hug before Luke goes off on his way, sending a quick glare in Evan's direction before he slips out of sight. "I'm really excited about this sleepover, I'm still kind of surprised that my mom even agreed to this." Evan returns the smile that appears on Jonathan's face, closing his locker without even looking.
                          
"Yeah, heh, it's kinda weird that you're coming, honestly. Not like in a bad way, I'm glad you're coming, it's just-" As Evan rambles on, trying to save his sentence, he is cut off by Jonathan once more.
                          
"It's fine, I get what you mean." Evan hates how much Jonathan has been affecting him, if he were to be honest, he hates how it was getting to lie and be fake with his feelings. He hated rambling and stuttering like he was a school girl, he hated it. It wasn't him, it wasn't the person he had portrayed himself as for years. He hates how every time he looks into his eyes, he never, ever wants to look away.
                          
Most of all, he hated how long it had taken him to realize he had fallen in love.