2:59
grace
school got out nearly ten minutes ago, twenty eight days till we're out for summer, and i'm waiting for grayson so we can walk home together.
i waited another ten minutes before calling him but it went to voicemail so i sent him a text saying i would be at my house if he wanted to stop by.
i took the usual cracked side walk home and couldn't stop thinking about my dad; what if i did live with him? would i be leaving everything behind or would i be starting over?
my mind was clouded and the thunderstorm of thoughts wouldn't clear so when i walked through my front door, i grabbed my mom's laptop she left so i can do school work.
i went through her tabs searching for a needle in a haystack but in this case my dad was the needle.
i looked until my eyes burned and i finally found his name pop up in a small print in the corner. jason athens.
it was weird to see his name and it was weirder to speak it aloud to myself; i found a phone number a copied it down into my phone.
the green circle with an outline of a white phone taunted me. i was scared to press call but i wanted to.
my finger hit the button and my phone made ringing noises. my body became tense and my palms were sweaty, i don't know why i'm nervous, this is my dad.
my mind kept racing with thoughts of him not wanting to talk to me or him having a new family,"hello." a deep voice spoke.
"hi." i replied as my leg bounced up and down,"who is this?" the voice asked as i prepared to speak the speech i had run in my head many times before.
"you might not remember me but my name is grace." i said into my phone as i heard an inhale with a following exhale.
"grace. i never thought i would hear your voice again. i would never forget you pumpkin." pumpkin. i knew it was my dad when he said that nickname since he always called me that when i was a little girl.
"hi dad." i spoke softly with my eyes beginning to fill with water,"you sound so different." my dad said as i nodded forgetting he can't see me.
"yeah i'm almost seventeen." i heard another intake of air but the exhale was shaky. he was crying.
"i can't believe it's been that long. i'm so sorry i haven't called you pumpkin." he apologized and i didn't want him to. i was mad at him for leaving when i was younger, even though i didn't understand, but as i got older the anger vanished.
seeing how my mom was made me want to leave so why would i blame him for walking out when i want to do the same?
"you don't have to apologize, it's okay dad." at this point we were both quietly crying together.
i was scared to say it but i finally spoke the words,"i want to move to california dad. i want to live with you. i miss you." his sobs weren't quite anymore, i could hear him break down.
"we need to talk to your mom but i would love that." he said causing me to let out a giggle as i wiped the tears off my pale skin.
"she doesn't care dad. that's why i want to move with you. she doesn't care about me, just her job." i told him and he agreed.
"that's why i left pumpkin. it was always about work for her, not family and i'm the complete opposite." he spoke.
"hey grace?" my dad said with a questioning tone,"yeah?" i replied with the same tone.
"i'm sorry i left you. i just needed to get away from your mom and i didn't think about how it would affect you." i responded quickly wanting him to know that it's okay.
"dad it's okay. i know you love me and i always knew you did. i was mad but i understand why you left. it's okay." i said to him as i heard a faint voice in the background.
"i have to go pumpkin but i will talk to you later about you coming down here. i love you grace." i smiled to myself. i haven't heard him say that he loves me since the rainy day he left.
"i love you too dad." with that i hung up the phone. i had tear stains but my mouth was smiling.
my smile dropped when i realized if i do move, i'm leaving grayson behind. i love him but i love my dad too.
almost like perfect timing there was a knock on the door. i looked through the window to see grayson, causing me to smile.
"hey." i said with a big grin as i wrapped my arms around him hugging him.
"hey baby, are you alright? have you been crying?" he asked as i responded by looking down at my feet,"we need to talk gray."
i took him by the hand leading him to my couch as we took a seat. i looked into his mixed green and brown eyes preparing my words.
"i called my dad gray." he was happy but i could tell he was scared. he knew what words were going to leave my lips next.
"i asked if i can live with him and he said yes but i need to see with my mom first." i told him, taking his hand in mine as i played with the rings on his fingers.
"why are you leaving me?" he asked and the question made my heart sink deep into the pit of my stomach.
"don't say that. i'm not leaving you i'm just going away for a little while. i would never leave you." i spoke trying to reassure him but my reassurance didn't work. grayson broke down in tears.
"please don't leave me." he spoke.
i threw myself onto his lap, wrapping my arms around the back of his neck squeezing him tightly. he wrapped his arms around my back sobbing into my neck,"i'm sorry." i told him as he grabbed he sides of my face kissing me hard.
i knew i was leaving even though i hadn't talked to my mom yet. i knew she would say it was okay since it would give her more time to focus on her job.
i didn't want to admit it but i was leaving grayson,"i'm sorry." i repeated myself with my words muffled since my face was now buried in his neck.
"i'm sorry."
oof. that's tough. don't hate me.
