Chapter Twelve

                                    

                                          
            
                          
2 Timothy 1:4 (ESV)

                          
As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy.
                          
. 'Lucy was too kind' She says and looks at her long nails. Too kind? 'You on the other hand are good enough'
                          
Good enough? 'It is funny but Lucy died because of her kindness' Jadis stands up and strolled towards me. She takes my chin in her cold hands and her eyes grow wide. 'It is already working!' She mumbles. 'What is working?' I mumble when she release me. She laughs and throws her head back. 'I have a daughter' She mumbles to herself.
                          
Daughter... I feel again the hatred in my body. But this time, it hurts and it feels like it is consuming me. It is not hate I feel, but evil, pure evil what is flowing inside my body. Lucy was too kind to bear it. And I, it is consuming me. 'You get it, smart girl. Every human is good and bad, and soon al what is good shall be gone from within you, only the evil remains' And with that said, I can't fight the pain any longer and I close my eyes, letting myself sink in the black abyss.
                          
A deep hatred is filling my chest, my soul. The ice is consuming me.
                          
I feel warm, hot lips on my own. My eyes fly open in shock and I look right in his brown eyes. His lips leave mine and he steps backwards. 
                          
I lay in my own bed and a chair is on my right side.
                          
So he was keeping watch. 
                          
'Su?' His voice trembles when he says my nickname out loud. I blink a few times with my eyes. I look around, my room is still the same. A fire is burning in the fireplace and the heavy curtains are closed, but still I see light coming through. 
                          
'D-do you remember me?' He asks me, this time, he sits back in the chair. Runs his hands through his dark hair, dark bags under his brown eyes. His facial expression is sad. Or more grieving is the better word for it. 
                          
Who is he grieving? 
                          
I know who he is. 'I remember you, you are king Caspian, the seafarer-king. Caspian puts his head in his hands and signs as a defeat. 'No' He mumbles. It is quiet for a second or three and then his shoulders begin to shake. 
                          
Is he crying? 
                          
I move closer to him as far as I can go, so I sit straight up and put my hand on his leg. Immediately he looks up. 'I-I remember something else. I can remember I was kept a prisoner in the castle my mother lives in. And she gave something to me and queen Lucy. She said to me, that Lucy was to kind, so it didn't work. But I-' My voice falters. 'The dwarf, the faun' I mumble when I recall the memory from before. 'You said that when you fainted' Caspian tells me. His eyes burn with a passion I never saw before. Hope? Love? 
                          
Why do I not remember everything. I know something isn't right, but I can't tell what it is. 'Oh, yes. I fainted. How is Lucy?' I say a bit ashamed. 
                          
'She is fine. You slept a whole day and night' 
                          
'Oh' I look to my hands, the wounds on my wrist are- wait. Wounds? 'Caspian? How have I received these?' I ask him and show him the wounds. His eyes light up at a sudden. 'The spell is decreasing!' He says almost happily. I give him a puzzling look, but he kisses my forehead. 'I be right back!' and rushes out of my room. 
                          
After a couple minutes, when I have looked to the ceiling, I hear joyful voices coming this way. The door opens again and Caspian appears, with Peter, Edmund and Lucy behind him. Lucy looks healthy again and is dresses in formal clothing and all of them are wearing their crowns. 'Su!' Lucy shouts and rushes to the bed. She sits on the end of it and looks at me. Peter and Edmund are standing at the left and Caspian sits in his chair again. 
                          
'She remembered something' Caspian tells the kings and queen. They nod. Now they're all looking at me, waiting to speak. 'I remember that mother gave something to me and queen Lucy. And she also told me, that it didn't work on queen Lucy. But I did work on me'
                          
'What did she give to you?' Peter asks me, his fist clenched. I shake my head. 'I do not know' 
                          
'I do' Lucy says. Now we are all looking at her. 'She gave us food and water. It was on-eatable but we ate it anyway, so we didn't starve to dead'
                          
The food. 'Never eat food a stranger gives to you' The dwarf told me that, after they had taken Lucy away. 'It was the food' I exclaim. Lucy looks at me, like she is thinking and then she claps in her hands of joy. 'Yes! You are right Su! In the food she gave us, she poisoned us'
                          
'But why did she say that it didn't work on Lucy?' Edmund asks us. 'Because' I answer. 'She also said to me, that Lucy was to kind. And I was already filled with hatred. I thought Lucy was dead and the dwarf and the faun abused me' I hear the boys growl with anger, but I ignore them and speak further. 'So I did not really care anymore. And after Lucy was gone, they brought me to her. And there she spoke to me, so the last piece of hatred fell into place. So the ice she had planted into my heart, consumed me' And with that said, I feel a heavy weight fall of my shoulder. I fall back into the bed. My whole body is shaking and it feels like every memory is coming back to me all at once. 'Susan!' They all yell in panic. But I can't answer them. I feel frozen, but my heart is trying to melt. 
                          
Aslan!
                          
Again, black dots appear and I welcome them happily. They bring me back to the dark, were I can wait and rest. 
                          
'Susan?' Lucy. I wake up, shielding my eyes from the bright sunlight with my eyelashes. 'Lucy?' I asks a bit hoarse. 'Do you recognize me?' She asks, a bit afraid. I smile. 'You are queen Lucy the Valiant, Daughter of the great Lion' I see her face fall in disappointment. 'And you are my little sister, who I love very much!' Her head flies up and her eyes shine with happiness. 'Susan!' She embraces me with all her might and my hands wrap around her shoulders. We both cry from happiness. We pull back and Lucy begins to laugh, I join her. 
                          
A couple of minutes later, Lucy helps me out of bed and drags me to my closet. 'Lucy, I haven't seen Eustace in quite some time'
                          
'Yes, he is in Archenland. He helps the kingdom rebuilding. King Nain is alive, Aslan did that' She says and helps me out of my nightgown. 'I am happy to hear that'
                          
'It was a scary time'
                          
'It still is' I say and after that it is quiet. Lucy turns around so I can put new underwear on. After that I put on a white long silk dress with long sleeves and then Lucy helps me in my corset. A black one this time. I put a red long skirt on, with blue, black and golden flowers sewn on it. As shoes i wear my leather tight black boots again, with a tiny heel and Lucy braids my hair in a difficult way. She puts my crown on my head and smiles. 
                          
'You look marvelous!' 
                          
'Thank you' I say and kiss her on the top of her head. Together we walk downstairs, to the throne room. Edmund and Peter are sitting on their thrones, counseling with the people over what to do. 'I need a moment please' Lucy says loudly and everyone stops, bows and leaves the room. Edmund and Peter look at me. 'King Peter the magnificent and king Edmund the Just. Both great kings of Narnia' I smile. 'But they are also my brothers' With those words I rush towards them and wrap my arms around Peters shoulders. Ed wraps his arms around my waist and both of them cry. Lucy joins us to and so we cry together. I release Peter and Edmund steps back. 'I remember everything' I say, still smiling. 'Does Caspian know?' Ed asks. 'No'
                          
'So, what are you standing here?' Peter says grinning. 'Go! We join you in a bit' And I run away. Towards the gardens, I have the feeling he is there. 
                          
And I am right. He looks at the sea, his hands on his back. 'Caspian!' I shout. He turn around, his eyes have a question in them. But I run towards him and wrap my arms around his shoulders. Never letting go. 'Su?' He asks, a bit unsure. But I look straight at him and I connect his lips with my own. At first I feel him hesitating. But when I not pull back, the kiss becomes more heating, more demanding. 
                          
And above all, lovingly.