000

                                    

                                          
"I guess that the real pain comes afterwards. It comes and goes, like the wind or even the rain. 
                          
It has no face, no body. But it is always there to make sure you know that it will never leave your side. 
                          
At midnight, when you lie wide awake in bed the pain pays you a little visit. It will make you cry, scream even. It will make you wonder why you are still alive, why you are living when all you want is to die in the middle of the night. Silently, as silent as your screams. 
                          
I guess that is the way I used to feel. Hopeless, scared, humiliated by my own thoughts. I was lost inside a great darkness who tried to swallow me. A darkness so big that no one could get me out of it. 
                          
Realising that it was me who had called it upon myself made me feel sick to my stomach, it made me want to throw up and die once again. No one had ever told me how regret really felt, no one had ever told me how much it hurt. 
                          
But who am I lying to? I would have never changed. Voldemort was way too strong, way too convincing. I made no change on my own. But then again, I never really was on my own, not really at least. Help always is giving to the people who need it the most, or at least that is what Dumbledore told me. However, I chose to not listing to him on that very moment. A stupid decision that lead to where I am today, to where I will be tomorrow. 
                          
Alone, in a clinic for mentally disabled people, just like me. Just like you. 
                          
Realising that you ended up the same way I did makes me slightly happier. We both survived the war, but both in different ways. In one way you could say that were the same; both survivors, both strong and we both own our lives to the love of our mothers.  
                          
Who am I kidding? We are not the same. Not even close to. You are strong, I am not. You are a beautiful human being, I am not. 
                          
So there it is again; the pain. The horrible feeling inside of my stomach, screaming for attention. You can take it all away by just looking at me. You know you can. 
                          
Just like you know how wrong that is. How sick it should make us feel. 
                          
But then again, it does not. Not at all.
                          
Can you please tell me where we are fighting for? Why we cannot give up, not yet?  Can you tell me when it all will get better? Or will it never get better? 
                          
I do not care if you cannot answer those questions. No-one can, but could you please hold me tonight? Just until the night changes into a beautiful, sunny day again? Until the demons inside my mind are hiding again?
                          
It is weird, how I found my salvation on the weirdest place on earth: your arms. Your kind heart and warm love. 
                          
I would have never seen it coming. However, I am glad it happened. I am glad I found my other half in you. 
                          
Despite that we just were not meant to be happy with each other." 
                          
*****
                          
Hello, 
                          
First of all thank you for deciding to read this book, it really means a lot to me! So thank you very very much! You are all wonderful and beautiful human beings with kind hearts who deserve all the happiness and love in the world. And just in case no one has mentioned it to you today, you are worth it and your good just the way you are! 
                          
Secondly I feel like I should give some warnings. This book contains a few things that I should probably warn you for:
                          
- It is obviously a boyxboy story so if you do not feel comfortable reading a story with a homosexual theme please do not read the story.  
-  It will contain mental illnesses and I do not want you to read another word of this book if you know your sensitive for this kind of things. Your mental health is way too important to take any risks! 
- Some chapters will be long, others might be a little short. 
- There will be swear words.
- And last of all, the story will probably contain a lot of grammar mistakes. You see, English is not my first language and this is actually my first English written story so please do not hate me if I make any mistakes.  I would however appreciate it if you would point a mistake I made out in the comments. But please be gentle, I am a human being just like you and even though I can handle some critic I am not a robot. I am not perfect, no one is. 
                          
I think that is it for now. Thank you so much again for reading this I do not think I can express to you how much I appreciate it! I really hope you will love the rest of the story!