Chapter 6

                                    

                                          
Firstly, I worked very hard on this chaoter and am quite proud of my self (its not vainity its self-confidence). Also, this chapter will contain mentions of self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Sorry x
                          
Dan's POV
                          
I ran home and jumped onto my bed. I placed my hand over my chest, smiling at how fast my heart was beating. It was a lot less than when I was with Phil.
                          
Suddenly my door creaked open and in came my mum who didn't look very happy.
                          
"Daniel where have you been?"
                          
"Um, I made a really good friend called Phil and had dinner with him and his mum. Maybe i'll introduce yoi to him." 
                          
"....Fine. But next time tell me these things. Why don't you invite Phil for dinner tomorrow?"
                          
"I'll ask." I hesitated. "I'm not sure what he'll say though."
                          
*************
                          
"Bonjour Phillip!" I shouted across the street happily after spotting him and running to him.
                          
Phil's POV
                          
Dan jetted towards me and I felt myself instantly smile and blush a little. He breathed heavily, bending over to catch his breath.
                          
'Are you okay?' I wrote 
                          
"Naah, I think I need to lay off on all the chocolate." He sighed, standing up fully.
                          
I shake my head, writing 'Why? you aren't unfit, you seem healthy!'
                          
He smirked, shuffling closer to me.
                          
"So does that mean i'm fit?"
                          
I shrugged and Dan chuckled. We walked to school which went by incredibly slow. I began to realize that the classes without Dan were boring because I didn't have anybody to talk to, except for Anna.
                          
I continued to stare at the slowly ticking clock. Counting the seconds and minutes until the lesson was over. 
                          
A few whispers and giggles could be heard behind me and I sighed, shuffling uncomfortably in my seat, feeling incredibly self-conscious.
                          
I wonder if they were talking about me.
                          
Of course they were, look at you. Your a hideous freak of nature that never talks!
                          
I have depression!
                          
Stop whining you attention seeker, you deserve this anyway. You deserve to feel this pain. You don't deserve happiness. 
                          
I deserve....I deserve-
                          
What? Lonliness? Yes you deserve that. Stupidness? To be seen as vile! Disgusting? Yes you are all of these.
                          
I am worth something!
                          
No Phillip don't kid yourself. You are nothing.
                          
I AM!
                          
NOTHING! DISGUSTING, USELESS,VILE, UGLY, UNWANTED, WEIRD, A FREAK. YOUR A FREAL PHIL YOUR A FREAK! YOU ARE A FUCKING FREAK!
                          
I stumbled out of my seat, looking to the teacher pleadingly. She saw my state and nodded. I ran through the halls to the toilets, locking myself in the cubicle. I left my razors at home, I thought I wouldn't need them. I was wrong. 
                          
I do need them. I need to feel the pain. A sense of relief. I need a way out. I need to run from my thoughts, my overpowering thoughts that keep me locked in a cage, never to be free. They tell me bad things, I dont want to believe it. But sometimes I end up believeing them.
                          
Maybe the way to escape is to not think. And by not thinking I can't be living right? No more suffering? But what about the people I love? The people I like? Dan?
                          
I look down at my shaking hands, slowly counting to ten in my head. I scrunched up my hair messily, tugging slightly just trying to focus on my breath. 
                          
Suddenly I hear the door burst open causing my to whimper and bury my head in my hands. Footsteps can be heard from the outside and I try to sheild myself away. I don't want anybody to see me now. I look disgusting. I am disgusting.
                          
The shadow of the shoes from across the door is visibly, and I hold my breath. The footsteps come closer and closer to my cubicicle doo and I shield away in fear...
                          
TO BE CONTINUED.....
                          
(Might update tonight if your lucky x)