Chapter 44

                                    

                                          
Faith POV: 
The whole event with Tim last week has me feeling on edge, as I get the girls ready to spend the week with him. Part of me prays Sara's the one picking them up. Then again, seeing her will probably be just as awkward. Tim stayed the night - in the guest room - where he spent most of the time puking. I had to go in every hour or so to make sure he wasn't dead from choking on his own vomit, which was irritating to say the least. He was so drunk that he was completely out of control, and that terrified him. He just sobbed for a good half hour, until I could coax him into calming down.
A knock on the door causes me to look at the clock. He's early... 
"Girls!" I shout up the stairs, before walking over to the door. I open it, seeing him standing on the front porch, scratching the back of his neck. He spares me a smile once I open the door, dropping his hand down to his side. "They're coming." I let out, seeing him nod, before clearing his throat. A brief standoff takes place, as I weigh the option of letting him in. Audrey runs out the door, hugging him while Gracie and Maggie follow, lugging their heavy bags behind them. 
"Love you, Mom." Gracie says, giving me a one-armed hug, before walking out the door. 
"Love you too. Have fun, alright?" I reply, as Tim starts to turn toward his truck, where the girls have already started walking off to. He unlocks it, and turns back to me while they get in the car. 
"We need to talk." He says quietly, his smile now gone. I cross my arms, feeling apprehensive. "Can I drop by later?" He asks in a whisper. I look at his truck, which now holds our three girls. 
"I don't think that's a great idea." I let out, glancing back at him. He winces, biting his lip. "I think that we need to call a spade a spade, and drop this... Sara is about to pop with your baby, and I don't enjoy being a home-wrecker." I release, my words sound way more harsh than I was prepared for. He takes a deep breath, nodding slowly, before turning toward the car. He takes a few steps toward the truck, turning around once again, just as I shut the front door. 

I pour another glass of wine and walk back to the spot on the floor where my guitar and notebook lie. I sit back down, erasing some of the lyrics and writing new ones in it's place. I hate when the girls leave, but a night like tonight has been a long time coming. Ever since the event with Tim last week, I haven't been able to think straight. I don't know why I felt the urge to kiss him that night, but I did, and an urge like that is insanely dangerous. 
A knock upon the door makes me cringe. I glance toward the door, telling myself to ignore it. That idea vanishes after the knocking persists... I stand up and walk toward the door, swinging it open while opening my mouth in preparation to tell him off. 
I feel my stomach drop as I see Sara standing there, her eyes bloodshot. I stare at her, feeling a little shocked, as I debate what I'm supposed to do here. 
"I know this is a little intrusive... but... I need someone to talk to, and you've gone through this before, and seemed to have handled it a lot better than I am right now." She says, seeming insanely tense. I nod slowly. 
"Okay..." I let out, opening the door wider. "Come on in." I say hesitantly. She walks in, spotting my wine glass on the coffee table, next to my guitar. "Would you like something to drink?" I ask, trying to be a good host, although I feel incredibly uncomfortable right now. Does she know about the affair? Is she here to tell me off? 
"Yeah." She says, laughing. I grab her a glass, pouring some red wine for her. She takes it, taking a large drink almost immediately. We walk into the family room, sitting down on the same couch, but opposite ends, turning to look at each other. I cling tightly to my wine glass, feeling like I need to chug some to get through whatever awkward moment is about to ensue. 
"So, what's going on?" I ask, feeling my heart start to pound. I look down at my chest to make sure I'm not breaking out in hives - my telltale sign of stress and guilt. She stares down at her wine, biting her lip. 
"Tim's...  he's getting bad again." She releases, glancing up at me. "He was completely clean, and then just... he just fell of the wagon, I guess." She lets out, sighing a little. I really don't want to speak about my ex-husband to his new wife... given I've also been having an affair with him. 
"He's self-destructive. It's a never-ending cycle." I admit, sounding harsher than I intended. "He gets in his own head, and then convinces himself one time won't kill him, and then he's hooked again." I add, trying to sound more constructive than cruel. She nods, before seeming to study me for a moment. 
"The drug problem is getting really bad, Faith... I mean, I'm trying not to panic, but he's going down this path like a runaway train." She says, making my heart stop. I didn't know he was using again... 
"The only thing that worked for me was threatening to leave, honestly." I confess, watching her nod once more. She takes a deep breath, before shaking her head. 
"I don't know if that would scare him... if I threatened to leave. He only started using after you two ended the affair." She says nonchalantly, making me go numb. She must sense my reaction, by the way she glances up at me. "Faith, I wasn't born yesterday. I know you guys go far deeper than he and I do, and that doesn't end overnight. I just want him to be happy, and if that means seeing you on the side, that's fine. We have to stay together through this pregnancy, and then we can figure the rest out later." She says to my surprise. I try to catch my breath, nodding slowly. 
"We haven't... we stopped... It's not... I haven't seen him like that since..." I try to excuse seeing her nod. 
"Yeah, I know." She says, making me wonder if he did tell her. "He wouldn't have ever started using again if you two were seeing each other. He knows you pick up on that stuff pretty fast." She explains, leaving me a little breathless. "I made the mistake of saying something about it. Now he won't call if he needs help, because he thinks it'll start a big argument." She says, while I take a sip of my wine. It tastes a little more bitter than it tasted before. "I don't know what to do. I've been turning my head, thinking he'll figure it out, but he's just digging himself a grave right now." She lets out, her eyes starting to well up. My chest hurts as I try to think about what I went through with him. 
"He only got sober when I left. Everything I tried made things worse, and every time I tried something new, he'd delve deeper into his habits. Then again, this time could be different. He might need intervention. I just... I can't tell with him." I reply, watching her nod. She takes a deep breath, before glancing down at the guitar and notebook on the ground. 
"I've tried to give him space, and it's not the right move. I think he needs help outside of himself this time." She says, making my stomach hurt. Forcing him into being sober sounds terrifying to me... "I'm going to need your help. This is going to have to be a team effort." She breaks out, forcing anxiety into me. 
"Sara, I..." I start, all the memories start to swarm around in my head. "I don't think I can mentally handle going through something like that again." I admit. She shakes her head, biting her lip for a moment before clearing her throat. 
"It's either this or he shuts me out and he ends up killing himself with this stuff. I don't want the girls to lose the father, and I know you don't either... The way he's using... I just... I've never seen him like this. He's getting into things that I never thought he'd touch." She says, hitting me like a bullet. I shut my eyes for a moment, and consider my options.