Chapter 18

                                    

                                          
I woke up the next morning next to Josh. I felt like crying. I felt like running away. I felt like stabbing myself in the stomach. I didn't want his baby but I didn't have the heart to abort it. I want it to be Josh's baby. I didn't want to deal with Chase any longer, I didn't want to deal with having to see Chase in my baby. But I can't abort a human being. I got up, barely disturbing Josh. I went and put on a sports bra and some shorts. I walked down stairs to see Tayla and Liam in the living room. I snuck passed them and went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of tequila. 
"What are you doing?!" I heard Tayla say from behind me. 
"It's 5 o'clock somewhere?" 
"You can't drink while you're pregnant." I sighed. She came over and hugged me 
"I can't imagine what your going through." 
"You're right you can't. No one I know can. I will have to carry a baby that's Chases. Not Josh's. That's all I wanted. Was to have a baby with Josh not Chase. I will have to see Chase in my baby forever. When mine and Josh's baby got shot. I lost a piece of me now I'm pregnant with some abussive assholes baby!?!?! It's not fair!!" I hear more foot steps. 
"I'm gonna drink this. I'm gonna drink the whole bottle I don't fucking care anymore." I turned around to see Harry and Josh. Shit. Harry grabbed the bottle and passed it to Tayla. I turn around to grab it but before I could she was dumping it down the sink. 
"Cmon" 
"Lily even if Chase is the biological father. He's not the babies dad. I will be I will adopt him or her it will be OUR baby. He will have no rights. I will be a dad to this baby." I still felt like crying or stabbing myself or running away. So that's what I did. I grabbed a knife from the butchers block and ran. I ran and ran out the door and down to a nearby park until I stopped and took the knife to my stitches. I cut them all off and pull them out of my skin next I traced the blade on my stomach. 
"You have to do this!" I said to myself. "Ma'am! Put your hands in the air!" I hear someone yell. I look up to see a police officer holding me gun point. I dropped the knife in the grass and put my hands in the air and dropped to my knees. I started to cry. The officer came over to me and puts me in hand cuffs. I see Haz and Tayla and Louis...and Liam......and Josh.....they come around the corner of a tree to see me get put in hand cuffs. I can already see all the rumours. 
"Lily styles comes out of court and the next day gets arrested holding a knife?!" "Lily styles going insane?" 
"Lily styles....dead" the word kept running through my mind as I was sitting in the back of the police car being escorted to the hospital. Dead. What would people do. I've been in the news so much lately. What would happen if I just disappeared. Just like that I was brought up to the mental ward. I wasn't mental. Or was I? 
"Lily you haven't said much since the park" the officer told me. 
"I brought you here for help you screamed and said I had to do it and had the knife on your stomach. I'm worried" I still didn't say anything I felt like I couldn't. It's all hitting me. Josh coming back to me. Only after I called him to help me. After Chase raped me and beat and almost killed me. Finding out I'm pregnant with Chases baby....the baby....a baby.....my baby.