Chapter One || Gone

                                    

                                          


                          
I'd planned on staying at Hogwarts for the most part of the Christmas holidays. My mother and father would surely understand if I chose to stay for just ten days instead of two weeks. After all, I loved Hogwarts with all my heart.
                          
I'd imagined going for walks with Lupin, him taking long strides by my side, enormously tall and beautiful in a way that no one except for me saw.
                          
Talking in front of the fire. Sipping tea out of those chipped mugs of his. Talking again. Practicing spells he would secretly teach me away from the rest of the crowd.
                          
Gone, all gone. As I mounted the Hogwarts Express and felt the train hiss beneath me, I cast one last glance at Hogwarts and walked into a compartment nearby.
                          
Two weeks. I would stay away from Hogwarts as long as I could. Mum and Dad would be pleased to have me for two whole weeks.
                          
As I closed the door of the compartment and sat down, tucking my suitcase underneath me and taking my gloves off with the help of my mouth and other hand, I couldn't help looking at the seat in front of me, wondering, wishing, remembering how Lupin had sat directly opposite me, how his eyes had looked at me, how kind and witty he had been.
All gone. Goodbye.
                          
The world roared past me, a blur full of snow covered trees and distant outlines. I looked calmly out of the window, feeling peaceful for the first time in many years.
                          
A sort of numbness had come over me - a numbness following the night before. I had come back to the Common Room through the darkened, empty corridors, stunned and crying again - Ruby found me, and I couldn't help but tell him everything.
                          
It had only been one night since the confession and already I felt like months had gone by.
                          
It had been almost impossible to sleep today.
                          
We crossed the bridge where we had stopped only a couple of months before. I remembered how dark everything had gone, the Dementor attack and how Lupin told me he had carried me back into the compartment.
                          
I sighed impatiently and got out a chocolate out of my coat pocket. It was only after I began to eat it that I remembered Lupin had given me the same medicine back then - I wrapped the remainders up and put them back in my pocket, wondering if I would ever be free of those memories.
                          
The light was fading fast as we approached King's Cross. I picked up my suitcase and walked out of the compartment, letting other passengers pass me by until I myself climbed down the steps and wondered if I would soon find the train I had to change to for home.
                          
The wizard world encircled me, swimming through the puffs of smoke. Oblivious to the pain for a split second, I thought of how it could have felt if Lupin was with me now, his long thin hand holding mine, his sharp humour and kind eyes taking all the loneliness out of my life.
                          
I pulled my hat closer over my eyes as I inhaled deeply and, dragging my old suitcase behind me, walked off in search of someone who could help me find my way back home.
                          
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