Break Ups

                                    

                                          
fawnqueeen asked me to write this chapter (a very long time ago)!
                          
There are a lot of possibilities with breaking up. In fact, I've been putting this chapter off for a ridiculous amount of time because it's such a broad topic. I'm going to just give you a general overview today, but please feel free to comment or message me with more specific questions or scenarios if you want to hear more!

                          
The thing about break ups is that the actual act of breaking up isn't the most important part. No, the most important part of writing break ups is leading up to them well. 
                          
"Okay, cool, Elli," you say, rolling your eyes. "That's really useful advice. 'Lead up to them well.' Practical." Never fear, disgruntled commenter! I'm going to explain that in due time! First, let's talk a little about what sort of relationships you might write going sour.
                          
Some relationships end with a break up because they either started out or became incredibly toxic. Perhaps one character is cheating on the other, or abusing them, or neglecting their needs. Maybe they had ulterior motives for dating them in the first place. Often, these are going to be very explosive, anger-filled break ups, with varying degrees of yelling, name-calling, and sometimes even threats of violence. After this kind of break up, characters are generally incredibly angry,  and might hold grudges against each other.
                          
On the other hand, maybe the relationship isn't necessarily toxic, but it isn't healthy, either. Relationships where one character is far more invested in the other often in end up in the less invested person leaving, either because they lost interest or got sick of their significant other being clingy. Sometimes it's mutual, though, if both characters kind of fade out of love! These are generally the least messy. 
                          
Sometimes, though, two people who are very good for each other end up breaking up. Maybe one just realizes they only see the other as a friend (often this happens early on in thee relationship, or else it's one of the more one-sided relationships I mentioned above. Alternatively, it's perfectly possible for two people in a healthy relationship to still make mistakes. Especially if one of your characters struggles with trust issues or communication issues, mistakes can happen that end up costing them their relationship, no matter how caring and supportive their significant other is. These ones, with characters who really do care about each other yet still hurt each other, can be incredibly emotional. You can lean into anger, sadness, frustration, betrayal, hurt, guilt; just remember that this will often leave characters more sad and hurt afterwards than angry!
                          
You have to sit down and analyze the relationship that needs to end in order to figure out what the final break up scene will look like. Think long and hard about what might cause the break up, and whether that cause is realistic based on the strength of the relationship you've written. For example, two characters that have been going out for a month are far more likely to break up over forgetting a study date than two characters that have been going strong for a year. The stronger and healthier the relationship, the bigger the issue needs to be (though this isn't necessarily true in the reverse! Big issues can end unhealthy relationships, too!).
                          
Now, for the fun stuff. How do you lay the groundwork for a breakup? Here are some things to keep in mind:
                          
1. Know where you're headed.
                          
If your characters are going to break up, you should figure that out well ahead of time. You might decide that you want them to break up for a narrative purpose, or you might just notice that they're headed that way on their own (as characters do tend to go off in their own direction sometimes). Either way, you need to know, and you need to start putting little hints (or big hints, if you want) into the story that this couple might not be as suited for each other as they seem.
                          
This all depends on the underlying cause of the break up (which isn't always the same thing as the tipping point that is the literal cause of the break up scene itself). If a character is cheating, for example, put little hints about that in the story (whether or not their significant other picks up on them, your readers might!). If it's trust issues or incompatibility, put scenes where the couple is clearly struggling with that a little but ignoring it. Make sure that this issue is truly an issue in the relationship, or else the break up will just feel kind of flat. 
                          
2. Make sure the cause of the break up scene fits the couple.
                          
A seemingly healthy relationship with few problems likely won't break up out of nowhere over something relatively minor. However, a couple that's struggling might take a small issue as the last straw.
                          
Sure, there can be a host of underlying causes in a break up. In fact, there probably are, most of the time. In most break ups (unless it's that super healthy couple with one enormous issue), there couple be dozens of small things making one or both characters want to end the relationship, maybe even just waiting for an excuse to do it. For example, an on-again, off-again couple might break up over something incredibly minor, while in reality they still have unresolved issues from before. 
                          
3. If your goal is make your readers emotional, make sure they're invested in the relationship!
                          
The only exception to this rule is a relationship that's intentionally toxic, where there is one clear innocent party, and your goal is to show how devastated they are after they have to break up with their significant other. However, if you want your readers to be as heartbroken as your characters, you have to spend a lot of time building up this relationship into something your readers will care about. This is another part of laying the groundwork!
                          
Make sure, during the actual break up scene, to put a lot of thought into the reactions of both of your characters! That's where you get the pay off, in all these emotional punches, but it only works if you've seen readers up to really root for this couple (or to root for the poor character who's finally realizing that their significant other is a piece of trash).
                          
4. If your goal isn't to make readers emotional, make it cathartic.
                          
I've written a break up that I knew would have all of my readers cheering, and it felt fantastic. I hadn't necessarily planned for the couple to be as toxic as they ended up, but they went against an incredibly popular ship and everyone hated them from the start. Eventually, I decided I'd throw in the towel and give readers what they wanted. Their relationship slowly spiraled into something super toxic, but it was slow enough that my protagonist didn't notice until she happened upon her boyfriend snogging another girl in a broom closet. She yelled at him, dumped him on the spot, and marched away. 
                          
Did she cry afterward? Of course. I milked that for potential emotion all I could. But the break up scene itself was a chance for the girl to vent her frustration at her boyfriend, for the cheater to get his comeuppance. It was a satisfying end to their relationship because he got what he deserved.
                          
Of course, that's not the only way to make a cathartic break up scene. Maybe your character hexes their soon-to-be ex, or dies their hair blue, or slaps them in the face. Maybe what would be cathartic for your character would be simply sighing and calmly stating that the relationship is over. You have to decide that for yourself. However, don't feel tied to the idea that a break up has to be sad in order for it to be compelling!
                          
~~~~
                          
Sorry that this is super basic! It's a really broad topic, and hard to cover well without writing an entire dissertation (which, as no one should be surprised to know, I don't have time for). Hope this helps a little in your troubled romances!
                          
If you want examples of two different kinds of break ups, I can point you to my Star of Gryffindor series (spoiler warning, of course!). Chapter 8 of Book 5, The Spark, shows the very toxic, cathartic break up I mentioned earlier (like I said, it involves cheating, and you can read the build up to that in the earlier chapters of the book!), and Chapter 18 of Book 6, We Will Shine, shows a break up in a very healthy relationship that has a little to do with a meddling friend and a lot to do with trust issues (the build up starts at the beginning of the book, but to get a decent idea you could start in Chapter 14).
                          
Anyway, let me know in the comments if you have any thoughts, questions, or advice about this topic!
                          
Until next time (which hopefully won't be another full year)!
                          
~Elli