Chapter 3

                                    

                                          
TRIS POV
                          
For one of the last times in my life—or maybe the last—I step outside of my childhood home and onto the gravel streets that run throughout Abnegation. It is a relieving thought this time around, rather than pressuring as it was before. But that was before I knew how liberating life could be outside of this restraining faction; it was before I lost my parents and therefore my desire to stay put.
                          
"Are you ready for today?" Caleb asks as we walk side-by-side down the street. The bus stop at the corner is our destination—I have had to take the bus everywhere, and it has gotten to the point where if I wasn't going to be riding trains from now on, I would have recently started using my legs as a preferred method of travel.
                          
"Yes," I say. Ready to go home in general? Yes. Ready physically? No.
                          
After Caleb and I parted ways to our bedrooms last night, I couldn't stop thinking about Tobias, since he brought up the sensitive subject. It led to my eyes being glued open for hours and my body being uncomfortable in any given position. As forcefully as I tossed and turned, I could not jerk him out of my head long enough to fall asleep.
                          
On top of that, nightmares plagued my mind when I did manage to get an hour or so of rest. They attack me almost every night, but last night was especially worse because each time I woke up meant another nightmare was to come until the morning saved me.
                          
Now, it is taking everything in me not to involuntarily shut my eyes. I am so disoriented that I nearly lose my footing on a rock in my path as we walk.
                          
I don't know what I will do throughout initiation. Tobias will undoubtedly be my instructor again, and therefore we will be forced to spend eight hours of each day, not only in the same room, but with him giving me pointers on shooting and fighting. A knot forms in my stomach when I remember the moment last year when he had pressed his palm in that same place and told me to keep tension here.
                          
And even worse, he will have to delve into my mind and witness my worst fears during the second and third stages of training.
                          
How am I supposed to pretend that his presence will be okay? My mistakes notwithstanding, he abandoned me when I needed him the most. That is the worst betrayal of all, and I have scars to prove it.
                          
This is all I need to know. I will avoid him as best as I can, and keep it professional, like I did with Tori. I will no longer think of him as Tobias but rather as Four, because that is all he is to me now. The cold, harsh instructor with a number for a name.
                          
"Beatrice?" Caleb calls.
                          
I notice that he is several strides ahead of me. I must have stopped while I was deep in thought.
                          
"Sorry," I say with the shake of a head, moving to catch up to him.
                          
As we make our way to the bus stop, we come upon many Abnegation leaders on their way to the Choosing Ceremony, including Marcus Eaton himself, who I have avoided since returning to Abnegation. In fact, I have managed to stay completely clear of him until now.
                          
"What is he doing here?" I ask Caleb quietly.
                          
"Probably attending the Choosing Ceremony, like everyone else," he replies simply.
                          
"But he's not a leader anymore." The other leaders thought it would be best for him to step down after the war, after his image had been tarnished at the Candor trials. The Council didn't want to seem corrupt in the slightest by jumping at the opportunity to take over again, so they started by wiping themselves clean. As much as the Abnegation still look up to Marcus—God knows why—his abusive reputation wouldn't allow him to be a leader any longer.