10

                                    

                                          
"Sit down."
                          
Taking the only chair, head lowered in shame, I was back outside the headmaster's office in school, about to be reprimanded for skipping gym.
                          
Emily threw my missing phone onto the coffee table. There were no missed calls or texts. Yep, I really was back in school, my unpopularity glaringly obvious for all to see.
                          
How did this girl, not much older than me, cripple me with emotions that I'd dealt with years ago?
                          
It was a tactic, and I was letting her play me. 
                          
That ended now.
                          
I had nothing to be ashamed about here. A fizzle of energy sparked to life as my indignation grew. Hot anger burnt away the swamp of humiliation that had mired my brain making me passive and compliant.
                          
Emily paced the room for an uncomfortable minute. Finally, she turned to me, her eyebrows drawn together, creating a little dimple between them. Her full lips were compressed into a straight line, distorting her pretty face into a steely mask.
                          
"Look Alice, there are a few things that you need to know."
                          
"You're telling me," I replied, "like how do you know Stephen and what is he doing here."
                          
"We're partners."
                          
I looked up quickly, the blood draining from my face. Cold crept through my veins bringing with it a disconcerting numbness.
                          
"Five years ago, we were assigned a case by the agency," she continued, ignoring my sudden pallor.
                          
I let out a breath that I didn't even know I was holding. She was Stephen's work partner, not his girlfriend. A few seconds later, the significance of Emily's statement hit me in the face. Stephen had been "assigned" to me?
                          
What the hell?
                          
I slumped back in the uncomfortable designer armchair, oddly distracted for a moment by its awkward design. The chair's back sloped too far, meaning that it couldn't support you sitting in an upright position. Reclining back in the chair, it felt like I was a patient and Emily, the authoritative doctor in charge of my fate. Perhaps that was the point. I quickly struggled to an upright position.
                          
Then the truth (or deception) of my four year relationship with Stephen descended and wiped out everything else. I had always known on some level that a guy like Stephen would not be attracted to an unremarkable woman like me, but I had convinced myself to believe it, and I had truly loved him for all that time.
                          
He must have finally had enough of pretending with me. He was repulsed by having to make love to me, and couldn't bear it any longer. My skin crawled with the violation even though it was him that didn't want it. It was mortifying.
                          
Heaviness pressed on my chest, making it impossible to speak, to think. Hot tears pricked my eyes, but I desperately tried to hold them back. I would not break in front of Emily. She had been in on it all along. Worse, she had orchestrated it with that bastard.
                          
The flare of anger threatened to consume me. The air thickened, a burning smell of ozone filling my senses. An intense buzzing clouded my brain getting louder and louder until out of the hum the crash of metal against metal sounded.
                          
Crap, I was losing it.
                          
Closing my eyes, I focused inwards, willing my fury to dissipate. The harsh noise relaxed into a gentle chime until it disappeared altogether.
                          
I took a deep breath. What the hell was that?
                          
But without the anger painful humiliation wiped out everything else. It crept into every atom of my being, making me want to shrink into myself as though I didn't exist. It hurt as though we had never broken up.
                          
Emily's voice intruded, and I realised I'd missed an entire conversation.
                          
"So without the pendant to protect you, I'm afraid you can't trust the actions of the men around you. They're not genuine, but driven by the power of your...," she trailed off, trying to find the correct expression. "Magic," she finished, looking unsatisfied with her choice of words.
                          
"Ok then," I said in the most genuine voice I could muster, "thanks for the info, and I appreciate your concern."
                          
Even if I'd heard the full story, as if I'd trust her now. She'd just shamelessly admitted to deceiving and spying on me for nearly four and a half years. Years that had been stolen from me. 
                          
All that time I'd been living a false life, when I could have been making genuine connections with real people.
                          
"I need a few minutes to myself," I said, my voice full of whiny sorrow. May as well use her low opinion of me. Somehow I didn't think that she was going to let me walk right out of there. 
                          
And the only thing I knew for certain was that I had to get as far away from the priory as possible.
                          
Emily nodded, looking at me with condescending sympathy. Seething, I walked across the hall and slipped into my own apartment. It was empty. I quickly grabbed my purse and laptop bag. 
                          
Reaching for the only other thing that I couldn't leave behind, I shoved the brown paper box into a large tote.
For once, the rustle of the tree's silver leaves didn't jar my senses.
                          
I shared its darkness.