Chapter - 11

                                    

                                          

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Akira 
                          
Later that night I decided it'd have to stop, whatever it is. Never in my life before had I felt a sentiment with such vehemence. It scared me to the core, I've no idea how to to deal with it. 
                          
Not at all.
                          
And not knowing is worst.
                          
It's terrifying.
                          
Most of all the hurt it inflicted was unbearable. 
                          
The pain was burning.
                          
Oh, it was too much to handle.
                          
If it wasn't for Syd, who noticed my discomfort that night and asked me leave, I'd have had a full mode panic attack right then and there. That's when I felt depth of this attraction. I realized he is really no good to me. I have to stay away from him if I want my sanity with me. I acted upon it, obeying my conscious mind not my heart.
                          
Never in life before my heart ached more.
                          
The whole next week I have been successful in avoiding him. Though I felt him trying to catch my eyes few times with his dark one's, I ignored it forcing my mind to not read more in it. In my psychology class, I would sit on the only seat left on first row so I could not see him. I'd stay behind after class so I wouldn't have to worry about bumping on him. I have spent most of my time at my work where surprisingly Mr. Jacob is warming up with me. Whenever we are free I'd ask him about his life in army and he'd tell me enthusiastically. 
                          
I've not seen Alex since first time but he messaged me few times asking how I am dealing with Mr. Jacob and about his treat I'm yet to give. I have spent some time with Dev too. He is really adorable, always thinking about his mom and sister. He is a positive spirit to be around with. It feels natural to communicate with him.
                          
To avoid Romero, I even declined every offers from Syd of group activities so I wouldn't have to face him, I just didn't want to go there and see girls throwing themselves at Romero. I don't think I could have handled it yet, I'm still trying to get over that enthrallment. My emotions are already messed up from the last time I saw him going after that girl.
                          
It still burns my heart.
                          
Whenever I think of him with that girl, I get an awful feeling and my stomach knots in a piercing twist, stabbing me from everywhere. 
                          
Is that jealousy? 
                          
I don't know but if it is then it's extremely nasty. I don't ever want to endure this ugly poisonous feeling again. I despise this but because of it I know one thing for sure that I like Romero, more than I want to, more than I should. 
                          
And I hate it. 
                          
It is painfully hard to get over him, and it's irony when we weren't anything to begin with.
                          
Irony indeed.
                          
He is always humiliating me, embarrassing me but still my heart chooses him. I don't know why but it still tries to find goodness in him. It's like I have no control on my heart when it comes to him. It shows exactly how pathetic I am.
                          
Drop it!
                          
But I don't think luck is on my side today. It looks like I've no option but to face him. Thanks to Sydney and her stupid party.
                          
"I don't want to hear any fucking excuse. You are coming to that party and that's final." Sydney's firm voice echoes in my room as she is trying to intimidate me with her 'I don't give a fuck' look.