chapter eighteen

                                    

                                          
Going back to his room had taken Jimin almost two hours according to the digital clock on the glass table positioned on the corner of their living room, and he took that time to try and calm down the feelings that were threatening to burst out of him. But he did eventually go back, with his heart on his throat and hands trembling so much he had to force them into fists if he didn't want Yoongi noticing it. The elder was sure to be awake and the singer knew that, knew that there was no way that Yoongi would be sleeping after what he did; he just prayed that it was for a good reason and not a bad one. Even after not seeing the disgust he was expecting on the rapper's eyes, Jimin's nerves were still on edge, his brain fixed on the thought that he had just fucked up one of the best friendships he ever had. But even Jimin knew he couldn't run forever so he forced his hands to turn the door knob, slowly pushing the door open and peeking inside of the room to confirm what the eldest rapper was doing, seeing Yoongi lying on the bed, phone in hand and earphones plugged in. As soon as he fully entered the room Yoongi noticed him, locking his phone and pulling the earphones out, attention fully directed at Jimin, making the younger feel slightly uncomfortable with the sudden attention.
                          
"Hey," the rapper's voice was low as it was past two am and the others were sure to be asleep. They both were tired but Jimin knew he wouldn't be able to sleep before talking to the elder and Yoongi wouldn't let him either, so he closed the door quietly behind him, fully entering the room as Yoongi dropped his phone on the bed, the object completely forgotten now, "It's all okay out there? You... You disappeared for a while." It was clear that Yoongi was nervous too and Jimin tried to force his nerves to go down a bit, walking slowly towards the bed.
                          
"Hi," Jimin whispered while sitting down on the bed, facing directly towards the rapper while playing with the fingers he had settled on his lap, "Yeah, it's alright, I just..." he trailed off, wondering if he should go with the truth or continue his lie. Jimin sighed as he answered, voice just shy from a whisper, "I needed some time to think." He barely heard the sighed "yeah" that Yoongi let out, looking between his hands and the elder's eyes that were staring holes at him. The singer sighed, finally raising his head, "Hyung, I'm sor-"
                          
"Don't." Yoongi's voice had a final tone in it, daring Jimin to open his mouth again, eyes fixed on the younger while he forced himself to stare back, not wanting to break their gaze, "Don't apologize. Please, just don't apologize. Don't turn it into something bad," the rapper pleaded, making Jimin almost choke on his spit, bottom lip caught between his teeth while he waited for the elder to finish, mind blank for what to say after hearing those words, "Did you mean it?"
                          
The words were whispered into the air and if the apartment wasn't so silent, Jimin was sure he wouldn't be able to hear it; but he did, "Yeah," his throat was dry as he tried to swallow, blinking his eyes rapidly but never once breaking their eye contact, wanting Yoongi to see he was being honest right now, "Yeah, hyung, I did." he stared as the elder's lips just opened and closed, not a sound escaping it as they stared at each other. The seconds passed and the elder stayed silent, the anxiety on Jimin's chest rising as he tried to keep his breath evened out, finally breaking their gaze. Had he really fucked up? Had he ruined everything for both of them, had he finally made a mistake so fucking big that he'd regret it for the rest of his life? Thoughts were swirling around on his mind and he couldn't seem to make them stop, too fast for him to keep track of them. His nails were digging on the skin of his palms and he only snapped out of it when a hand grabbed his fists, easing his fingers out of his grip, red, angry marks from his nails adorning the golden skin of his hands.
                          
He looked up, seeing that Yoongi had pushed himself closer to Jimin now, seating in front of him; looking at the younger with a beautiful look on his eyes. Jimin's hand burned where the rapper's fingers were still gently holding him, a tingling but good sensation on his skin, "You're overthinking again." the elder whispered, his breath hitting the lower part of Jimin's face, finally making him realize how close they really were to each other. Jimin looked up again, staring at Yoongi's eyes, unblinking, waiting for the elder to say something, anything that would make this awful feeling on his chest go away, "Jimin, can I... Can I kiss you?"