[Chapter Thirty-Six] I'd Do Anything To See You Smile

                                    

                                          
Let Me Love You -  Ne-Yo
                          
Chapter Thirty-Six-I'd Do Anything To See You Smile
 Julian's Pov
                          
I was kind of at a loss for words with her, she went to shower before bed and so did I since we couldn't keep out of the water; this was my third shower today.
                          
I didn't know how she was going to react to what we had done. It wasn't anything big compared to sex but it was a big step for her and for me with her. I wanted to give her everything and I knew that when we were out of here there was no way in hell I was letting her get away.
                          
My heart soared that she loved me too and my member grew remembering what came after that. Her; and it was the sexiest sight I have ever seen. It was such a change seeing her come undone beneath me and I knew I was in trouble when she kissed me that last time. I didn't want to stop and that was a problem.
                          
Her telling me it was okay to give my hands some more freedom had my heart beating rapidly in my chest. I still kept away from her intimate areas but being able to slide my hand up her dress, feel her stomach and then the very sides of her breasts had me more turned on then those girls at the bars would get me.
                          
I didn't want to fuck things up with her and she's in such an emotionally delicate place.
                          
But fuck those moans and how one of them was my name. I reached down and stroked myself remembering that and wondered how turned on I would be if I actually got to really see her naked or touch her soft skin.
                          
Technically I've seen her naked a few times but those were in bad situations and I would have never looked her in any kind of sexual way, that would be fucked up and wrong.
                          
When I finished I cursed myself and turned the water to freezing so I could barely breath, hoping it would slap me back into reality. I needed to get a grip on myself and quick and for once I didn't know if I should tell Robert.
                          
There was supposed to be no sexual contact, hell we weren't even supposed to be kissing let along having hot make-out sessions that ended with a lot of grinding and my girlfriend moaning my name as I gave her, her first orgasm.
                          
Fuck.
                          
I rested my head against the wall and threw out more curses. I was fighting an internal fight between who I wanted to be and who I was. I hate the guy I was and want to be everything Bailey deserves and not just for her.
                          
I want to be the guy she see's me as because that has to be a pretty great guy for her to love me.
                          
I want to see where it goes and wait with her for sex. I want to feel that longing to touch her like that knowing I can't because I know what it will mean later.
                          
Even if it doesn't go that far I want to feel what it's like to have that pure and innocent love.
                          
She hates her innocence, but I want to be with her and embrace it. I want to know what it's like to have a relationship not defined by sex and not in these walls. I needed to stop letting who I was take over and be the man I should be.
                          
A boy let's that shit get the best of it but a man controls it.
                          
I got out of the shower and went into Bailey's room and my heart sunk to see her cry again.
                          
"Hey pretty girl, why are you crying?" I asked and she clung to two picture frames. I gently pulled them from her to see her as a girl with who I knew to be Drew and the other one was her and Lacey on her birthday.
                          
"I've lost two of the three most important people in my life." she cried
                          
"Baby, Drew isn't a lost cause and he's not gone." I told her and she shook her head.
                          
"He hates me, he doesn't want to see me again." she crawled into my lap and buried her face in my neck as she sobbed, my shirt soaking up her tears. I felt it sink through my shirt and I rubbed little circles on her back.
                          
"He'll come around baby." I said hoping I was right. He meant so much to her and it infuriated me that he was doing this so someone I loved so much and cared so deeply for. I wanted to hurt the one who was hurting her.
                          
She just shook her head and I let her cry herself to sleep because the weeks of experience told me there was no way to really get her to stop crying and I would take her crying herself to sleep over her staying up all night hurting.
                          
I looked down at her and made a decision.
                          
The next morning when she was at therapy I went to see Kylie. I know she's looked the other way with Bailey and I and some other things I've done and I just hoped that she would help me here.
                          
"Hey." She said then I shut her door and sat down
                          
"Hey." I said back uneasily.
                          
"Is everything okay?" she asked and I shook my head
                          
"She's not okay, I just need her to be okay." I whispered and she put a hand on mine
                          
"You need to be okay too." She told me and I nodded
                          
"I'm trying but it hurts me to see her this way."
                          
"Maybe some distance-"
                          
"Hell no." I stood up and she shushed me
                          
"Sit down, is there anything I can help with?" she asked and I took a deep breath.
                          
"I need a favor."
                          
"Julian." She said tired already
                          
"I just need to talk to her brother." I said and she shook her head
                          
"That's not possible and I'm not going to give you that access-"
                          
"We're allowed phone calls." I told her, everyone was if they passed their evaluation.
                          
"I'm not."
                          
"I don't want you to give me the number, could you maybe just call and tell him that someone wants to talk to him and give him the option to call back. If he doesn't want to talk to me then fine, I tried but I just need to try." I told her and she rubbed her temples
                          
"I can call him in a friendly way and tell him there is a patient who would like to speak to him and if he say's okay then I'll allow a supervised call." She said "It's all I can do, I'll monitor the call and one wrong move and you're done Julian. I can't keep bending rules for you. Thank god that girl won't sleep with you or my job would get even more difficult."
                          
I felt terrible for putting that strain on her, I didn't mean to keep messing up and having her cover. I was terrible at following rules and I always have been.
                          
"It wasn't your fault." I told her and her eyes filled with water and she nodded.
                          
"I try so hard to keep you all safe."
                          
"You are Ky, you're someone who truly cares about people."
                          
"One would argue I only care about money." She leaned back and I shook my head
                          
"We all know that isn't true." I snorted. She barley took anything from this, the money she would have made she sets up for so many different things and some of the employees do too.
                          
They fund shelters to try to help people get clean or places for battered women to go.
                          
"I just can't believe she's gone." She sighed "I'll make that call and I need to go home." She stood up and I wrapped my arms around her trying to give her any comfort that I could.
                          
"You're doing great." I told her and she nodded and pushed me back out the door. We may be family but sometimes she can't stand for even me to see her crying and I respect that. She's never seen me emotional except for Lacey's death, Bailey's the only one.
                          
Bailey and I were watching a movie a few hours later when Robert came to get me, I excused myself and he brought me to his office.
                          
"He called back. Kylie told me to stay in here with you." he said and nodded at the phone and I looked at it. Honestly, I didn't expect him to call back and I had no idea what I was going to say to him. I knew that this could end very badly but things were already bad between them.
                          
It may not be my place but I would do anything for her and this was the only thing I could think of to do, I just hoped it went in her favor.