Not good enough

                                    

                                          
Last time:
                          
"I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me?" Loki asks.
                          
"Loki I..."
                          
Now:
Percy pov.
                          
"Loki I..." 
                          
Loki looks at me with those eyes. Those beautiful eyes. 
                          
"I... I- I can't. It just hasn't been that long. I need some time." I say.
                          
He looks so hurt. 
                          
I run out of the room and into my room before he can say anything.
                          
I am so utterly useless.
                          
I dig through my drawers.
                          
Where is it?
                          
Where is it?
                          
I just need relief.
                          
I need to be okay again.
                          
I find it in the book called scars.
                          
How ironic.
                          
It is in the book Annabeth gave me. A book that fits me so well. I hide my secrets in here. My lifeline. My relief. I found it.
                          
My last razor blade...
                          
Would she be happy with me?
                          
I mean I can so far.
                          
But I just can't take it...
                          
I need this...
                          
I can't do it anymore...
                          
"Jarvis turn off all video and sound in the room. And also deactivate all safety and warning protacol for me." 
                          
I had to be sure I did this right.
                          
I can't slip up.
                          
Not now...
                          
"Yes sur," I heard him say back.
                          
I need this.
                          
I pick up the razor blade and put it against my arm.
                          
And I start slicing.
                          
For Bianca.
                          
For Zoe.
                          
For Bekendorff.
                          
For Selena.
                          
For Luke.
                          
For Leo.
                          
For Piper.
                          
For Jason.
                          
For Hazel.
                          
For Frank.
                          
For Nico.
                          
For Annabeth.
                          
Annabeth... Annabeth... Annabeth...
                          
Are you happy now? You were never happy when we were together. 
                          
I was always to stupid to listen to. I was never good enough for you. You wouldn't listen to a word I said.
                          
Why do I even go on?
                          
What is so important in my life that keeps me from doing it?
                          
I have nothing to live for.
                          
I have no one to live for.
                          
I am worthless.
                          
I am stupid.
                          
I can't save those I love.
                          
I can't help anybody.
                          
I can't be the person people want me to be.
                          
I can't do it anymore!
                          
One more slash and I can end it all.
                          
One more slash and I will stop this suffering.
                          
I lined up the blade with my vain.
                          
One more slash...
                          
The door burst open and Ellie came flying in the room.
                          
Perseus Jackson don't you dare make another cut. 
                          
There are people who care about you in this world.
                          
You cannot just give up.
                          
Flush all of that away and be the person you are supposed to be! 
                          
Live your live and stop acting like this!
                          
Is this what she would want?
                          
Is this what Annabeth would want?
                          
Something snapped back into me right there.
                          
I can feel the tears going down my face.
                          
"I'm sorry I have failed you." I say.
                          
The razor blade drops to the floor in the pool of blood underneath my hand.
                          
Ellie takes my arm and cleans it and then make me flush the razor down the drain.
                          
I'm completely, utterly worthless...